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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pulling out of house purchase last minute

136 replies

nachosTrafficante · 15/09/2019 18:09

We’re about to pull out of a house sale...due to basically changing out minds. I feel awful especially for our buyer who has been waiting for us to fins somewhere and has just had survey down. I want to offer to pay for his survey as I feel dreadful.

Well then have survey I suppose.

OP posts:
NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 15/09/2019 20:24

Yep you're an arsehole.

Someone's done that to us, and it's fuck us right up.

The people that did it to us were a couple with no ties, loads of money and retired.

We're a family of 5 and it had a bad effect on us.
Fuckers.

HazelRose5 · 15/09/2019 20:34

Oh my goodness you have to ignore all these people telling you that it’s a bad thing to do!! You absolutely have to do what’s right for you. You can’t just continue because your worried about upsetting people in the chain it’s one of the biggest purchases you will ever make.

This is just how the legal system in England works, it’s not your fault that people will have spend money on surveys etc but if they aren’t prepared to take the risk they shouldn’t be buying a house!

NearLifeExperience · 15/09/2019 20:48

Oh my goodness you have to ignore all these people telling you that it’s a bad thing to do!!

I can't believe all those posters saying "don't feel bad" "it's a risk buyers take" blah blah.

If you don't feel bad about fucking people around and costing them thousands of pounds through your own pathetic indecision and dithering then you're a pretty morally reprehensible human being.

How about just not putting your house on the market if you're not sure?

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 15/09/2019 20:51

The op put her house on the market. She’s changed her mind. Not murdered someone. She’s not done anything against the law. You may not agree with what she’s done but it’s not illegal.

HazelRose5 · 15/09/2019 20:52

I wasn’t saying that it isn’t shit to be on the receiving end, just that that’s how it works and if they don’t want to proceed they don’t have to!

ChangeOfTides · 15/09/2019 20:54

Nobody’s saying it’s illegal. It should be though because it’s absolutely shit. Anyone who can waste thousands of pounds of someone else’s money without a flicker of concern is morally lacking.

NearLifeExperience · 15/09/2019 20:54

Who said it was illegal, GotToGoMyOwnWay ?

Heronwatcher · 15/09/2019 20:56

It is a fairly awful thing to do. If you feel that bad is there any way you could spend the money on renting for a few months and let the sale go though?

Catsandchardonnay · 15/09/2019 20:56

Shitty thing to do. Hope someone does it back to you someday. Even if you cover their costs that doesn’t fully redeem you. You’ve still wasted a load of their time and caused them a load of stress.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 15/09/2019 20:59

Sorry if I was unclear - No one said it was illegal but the way the OP is being called all sorts as if she’s done something illegal.

You may not agree with what’s she’s done but there’s no law against it. People pull out all the time for different reasons.

Unless the law is changed people will carry on pulling out. It’s a risk you take once an offer is accepted.

ControversialFerret · 15/09/2019 21:03

It happened to us - whole chain fell apart after they changed their mind on the day of exchange. We found out later we were the third set of buyers that they'd done this to!

We were devastated at the time, but have ended up with a nicer house (after months of stress!). They went back on the market again and no local EA would touch them because of how they'd behaved. Ended up with an online agent but no buyer and took it off the market because it wasn't selling. Two years later they are still there.

You absolutely should feel guilty. It's a really shitty thing to do at the last minute - not least because people have plans and arrangements riding on moves, like schools and jobs and family arrangements. They've also spent money, which is now completely wasted. If your H had been having doubts then he shouldn't have let it get to this stage.

I do hope that this happens to the buyers and sellers themselves when their time comes, so that they get to experience what it's like.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/09/2019 21:04

It happens OP. It would be good if you refunded their survey cost.

Lifecraft · 15/09/2019 21:06

Oh my goodness you have to ignore all these people telling you that it’s a bad thing to do!! You absolutely have to do what’s right for you. You can’t just continue because your worried about upsetting people in the chain it’s one of the biggest purchases you will ever make.

100% right. Buying and selling houses is dog eat dog. Everybody has to do what's best for them and their family. If the people you were buying off suddenly got a £50K better offer yesterday, they would have dropped you like a hot potato.

In England, you've never bought or sold a house until you've exchanged. Your buyers know this, or should do.

Greggers2017 · 15/09/2019 21:06

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GotToGoMyOwnWay · 15/09/2019 21:07

So you are all saying the OP should proceed just because other people are out of pocket?? Shit happens. I’d be pissed off but that’s life. It’s not a binding contract till exchange. Op is within her rights to withdraw if it’s not right for them.

NearLifeExperience · 15/09/2019 21:18

Everybody has to do what's best for them and their family.

Well of course, but perhaps deciding what's best should be done before putting your house on the market, rather than putting it on speculatively and deciding, when you've already got a buyer who has invested time and money, that not selling is what you'd prefer?

ChangeOfTides · 15/09/2019 22:08

Illegal and immoral aren’t the same thing. The English house buying system is shit and only functions at all because a majority of people aren’t prepared to act immorally. The system needs to change to prevent people like the OP fucking over people for thousands of pounds. Why should buying a house be a gamble on whether the seller is awful or not?

Hey1256 · 15/09/2019 22:08

Yes it's very shitty. Learn a lesson, make sure you are a hundred percent before you crush someone's dreams and waste their money. Shame on you OP you should pay their survey costs

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/09/2019 22:21

On mumsnet the general consensus of pulling out of a house purchase is akin to eating babies..

Ahem I eat babies. They’re delicious especially baby kittensGrin.

On a serious note... You don’t have to say on here but Why have you changed your mind. It is a bit of shitty thing to do this late in the day, but going by your post you don’t sound spiteful. I guess you’ve got your reasons

Frazzledmum123 · 15/09/2019 22:33

@HazelRose5 'it’s not your fault that people will have spend money on surveys'

Well actually yes it is their fault, they wouldn't have spent the money if they hadn't been promised a property. I normally agree you have to do what's right for you but not at the expense of someone having spent thousands because of what you promise. I agree with the above, grow up. It's not a game, its people's lives you are fucking with, yes you have to be sure, but that's what second or third viewings are for. You make sure you are certain THEN you offer. It took us over a year to sell and find somewhere, a year of spending all our free time tidying and not allowing the kids to make much mess, not being able to allow play dates at the weekend 'in case' someone wants to view. Then our buyers pulled out because they also changed their minds. I just cried, I felt so low. Thank god we hadn't paid out anything because we are so tight on finances we would have struggled to actually move at all losing that. My friend also had her buyer pull out last minute and consequently lost the house she was buying and another was due to move half way across the country and her buyers pulled out meaning her children nearly lost their school place and they would have been jobless having resigned in their first job. Its shit and the height of selfishness

Lanurk · 15/09/2019 22:36

If you’re halfway decent people op, you’ll refund the survey costs because it isn’t the buyers fault that your dh is an idiot.

Actionhasmagic · 15/09/2019 22:41

Yabu to just change mind. Either commit or don’t offer - it’s stressful enough without all this

eeksville · 15/09/2019 22:48

It's shitty when people accept your offer & then accept a different higher offer. It's shitty when people offer less then their agreed offer at the later stages. It's shitty when people accept an offer but then back out. It's shitty being in a chain & losing out because of something lower down the chain. It's shitty paying someone else's mortgage because you have to rent even though it's cheaper to own but you can't save a deposit. Its shitty to have to make a decision on whether to buy or not before you've barely looked at a property because the market is crazy. It's shitty keeping a house tidy for months to allow for loads of viewings because the market is slow. It's all shitty but it's the system we have.

catandadogandababy · 15/09/2019 22:48

Out of interest, why have you changed your mind so late on? (It is late on? How long have your buyers been waiting?)

It's not great, but if you feel like you are making a mistake then you absolutely should pull out. Offer to pay survey costs if you are minded to do so but it's not just the cost of moving which will impact your buyer. We were in a stressful chain once where it nearly collapsed, had it done so we would have been priced out of the area we wanted to be in - getting our survey money back would have been little by way of compensation.

A lot of advice is not to part with money until the chain is complete - am I right in thinking you haven't found anywhere and so it's only your buyers and you in the chain so far?

CannonCaboodle · 15/09/2019 22:56

Do what's best for you. It's likely to be one of the most expensive purchases of your life so you have to be 100% sure. It doesn't matter if you've changed your mind, though it would be decent of you could reimburse survey expenses to your buyer.