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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel bad at wasting NHS resources when

31 replies

EmiBanks · 15/09/2019 14:44

Long time lurker, first time poster so excuse me if I do something wrong. I don't really know what to do and I just need to vent a bit.
To cut a long story short I was born with a massive and very visible birthmark on my face. It never bothered me as a child but as a teenager I was bullied mercifully about it and was assaulted by a group of teenagers during which there were comments made about it. I then developed PTSD from the attack. I now have severe anxiety along with the PTSD and I need to be heavily medicated to even be okay to leave the house. I don't have any friends because I can't go anywhere in fear people will be staring at it. If I leave the house I normally spend over an hour using makeup to make it less visible. I also have psychiatrist appointments often for my mental health.

Recently a family member made a comment about all the money I'm spending from the NHS budget on psychiatrist appointments, medication and all that stuff, and why can't I just get the surgery to remove it. The thing is there is actually a surgery I could have that would dramatically improve it so that I think I would have a much better quality of life without so many MH issues. Plus I wouldn't cost the NHS so much. The thing is it's only available privately because it's considered cosmetic and I'm realistically not in a position to afford it any time soon. My sister has made me feel so bad about wasting the money.

OP posts:

SummerHouse · 15/09/2019 14:51

It's not your fault.

Could there be a charity that might help?

That said it may well help but not necessarily fix your mental health.

Not sure what to say. It's a totally unfair situation you have faced and nobody should make you feel bad for using NHS resources.

JasBBGG · 15/09/2019 14:56

That's what the NHS is there for. Why should you feel guilty when none of this is your fault? Smoking related illnesses and obesity cost the NHS a lot more than you do.

CharityConundrum · 15/09/2019 14:57

YANBU for getting the treatment you need and YANBU for using resources that enable you to have a better quality of life. Your sister is BU for suggesting that protecting and caring for your mental health is a 'waste of resources' and she should be ashamed of herself for making you feel bad.

Have you got in touch with any of the private clinics to see if they offer payment plans? If you would genuinely like to have the surgery, then it might be worth looking into your options and it sounds like your sister would be happy to lend you money if she's so concerned about relieveing the pressure on the NHS!

Reversiblesequinsforadults · 15/09/2019 14:59

Not turning up to appointments is wasting the NHS money. Using it appropriately for mh issues is not.

SnugglySnerd · 15/09/2019 15:01

Your problems are because of the bullying and the assault which must have been terrifying. I'm not surprised you need counselling etc. If anyone is accountable it is the people who did that to you, not your fault at all. Please don't take the comment to heart it was a very insensitive thing to say.

SummerHouse · 15/09/2019 15:05

Are you sure this treatment would not be available on the NHS. Google tells me that it is considered via your GP. I would say your case and PTSD make a very strong argument and I would absolutely want my taxes used in this way.

Doormat247 · 15/09/2019 15:06

Is there absolutely no way nhs could fund this? It's clearly affecting your mental health massively and they pay for ridiculous things such as breast implants for those who feel having a flat chest impairs their life. Seems daft that your issue couldn't also be funded to save them money in the long run.

bobstersmum · 15/09/2019 15:17

Go to your gp and ask about it. I definitely think it should be available to you, don't feel guilty!

nononever · 15/09/2019 15:20

The thing is it's only available privately because it's considered cosmetic

You really should speak to your GP and ask if you can be referred given it's blighting your life so badly 🙁. As Doormat said people have had surgeries considered cosmetic on the NHS. In my opinion you should be way ahead of someone who want implants purely because they can't deal with having small boobs.

DoctorAllcome · 15/09/2019 15:23

How horrible to be accused of wasting healthcare! Healthcare includes mental health. You are not doing anything wrong.

ginghamtablecloths · 15/09/2019 15:25

The NHS is there to help you so it's jolly unfair of others to make you feel guilty about it. How would they cope in your position?

Is it possible to save up and get the surgery in the fullness of time?

DuMondeB · 15/09/2019 15:55

Your sister needs to keep her trap shut!

NHS resources exist to be used by those that need it. No way you’d be able to get repeated appointments that aren’t considered necessary by the professionals who referred you/provide your ongoing care.

If you’d like the operation then exploring options to help you afford it (such as crowd funding or help from family or a bank loan) is probably a worthwhile thing to do, but don’t be pressured into it by others, especially those who have no idea what it’s like to live with a visible birthmark or other unusual physical attribute, nor what it’s like to have PTSD.

DuMondeB · 15/09/2019 16:00

Oh, and yes, agree with PP, check with your GP to see if you can make an application for special funding - iirc the GP makes an application to your local CCG on your behalf.
I think it’s quite a slow process but may as well get the ball rolling on it - if funding is granted you won’t be obliged to go ahead, you can still change your mind.

Toddlerteaplease · 15/09/2019 16:00

You may well be able to have it done on the NHS due to the severe effect it's had on your mental health. It's worth asking. They can only say no.

Petrichor11 · 15/09/2019 16:02

You’re using the NHS for legitimate mental health issues, it’s absolutely not a waste of resources

Definitely ask your gp if you would be considered for having the op done on the nhs (if you actually want it!) given the severe distress you have. I wouldn’t expect it to be a magic instant cure to your MH issue, but if it helps than that would be a good thing, and again a totally legitimate use of the NHS.

MoonageDaydreamz · 15/09/2019 16:04

Of course you shouldn't feel guilty about using NHS mh services.

But I agree that I would explore whether this procedure would be available on the NHS firstly, as many cosmetic procedures are if they affect quality of life significantly.

If it isn't would a family member lend you the money or donate something towards it? If I had a child with something similar I'd certainly prioritise using my mobey to help them sort it.

Good luck op, I hope you find a solution.

BogglesGoggles · 15/09/2019 16:04

If you think it will help you it is worth talking it through with your psychiatrist. Please don’t feel bad. It’s not your fault you have mental health issues. It’s not like you can afford the surgery but afford to pay preferring to live in agony and use the NHS ffs. Your sister sounds very unkind.

Alexel · 15/09/2019 16:08

Have a look how much it would cost privately abroad. I went for a consultation to have varicose veins removed (one goes from below my knee to my groin, my whole thigh is often on fire as I'm very active) and he offered me birthmark removal. I have a huge one on my arm, like top to bottom, also had the whole bullying thing. This was in Poland, private clinic, VERY nice. Now it all depends what is affordable for you, if you know someone who can advise you abroad ie friend etc. This Dr I went to old family friend and neighbour. In general I do all my cosmetics etc via family Drs and their friends in Poland. Exchange rate makes it possible.

Alexel · 15/09/2019 16:15

Also forgot to say you are NOT wasting resources, I was in CAHMS then adult due to bullying (a lot to do with birth mark, I'm hairy as fuck - laser hair removal started now I can afford it, I had spots etc) bullying breaks anyone apart and makes you struggle with yourself. Use the resources.
Its not a waste, no one is a waste.
Birthmark and hairy arms

To feel bad at wasting NHS resources when

adreamofspring · 15/09/2019 16:42

By all means try and pursue surgery through the NHS using all the arguments PPs have made. However, the damage caused by the bullies won’t suddenly disappear so your family member shouldn’t expect a magic bullet for your MH issues. It’s crap - but true. Changing your appearance doesn’t necessarily sort your head out. I speak from experience.

timshelthechoice · 15/09/2019 16:46

Your family are twats. YANBU. I hope you find a way to fund your surgery.

Peccary · 15/09/2019 16:47

Just ask, my sister had a cosmetic procedure on the NHS as it was deemed as contributing to her mental health problems

bridgetreilly · 15/09/2019 16:53

It is definitely worth pursuing the surgery through the NHS as pps have said. However, I also agree that simply removing the birthmark is unlikely to be a straightforward solution to your mental health issues, OP. I would talk to your existing psychiatris about it (she may be the one who can refer you for surgery in any case) and be prepared to continue with that and the medication even after surgery.

But none of this is a waste of NHS resources. It is what the NHS is for, to treat people who are not well, physically or mentally. You are entitled to it.

camelfinger · 15/09/2019 16:59

This is awful, I feel so sad that you’ve had to deal with all of this. You are absolutely not wasting NHS resources, if anything, it’s the perpetrators that have wasted the resources.
I’m hoping that you will be able to get the surgery on the NHS if that’s what you want to do, it doesn’t sound cosmetic to me.

MrsWednesdayteatime · 15/09/2019 16:59

It's what I happily pay my taxes for, you are not wasting NHS money which ever treatment you access

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