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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage Son Won't Bring GF Home

33 replies

catmam · 14/09/2019 22:25

My 17 year old son has been seeing a girl who is the year below him at school since before the summer. She lives 15 miles away so he gets the bus to her house and I collect him at night time. He's been doing this 2-3 times a week for July August and September. I've told him his friends are always welcome at our home but for some reason he won't invite her up. We live in the main town where there are shops, cinema, pizza restaurants, McDonald's, walk along the river etc. Where she lives there is nothing to do. He won't give me a reason as to why he hasn't/can't invite her up therefore I'm starting to get really paranoid that maybe he's embarrassed by me, his family, his home. Any advice welcome?

OP posts:
KellyHall · 14/09/2019 22:31

I'm sure it's not you. Maybe he would feel embarrassed but it would be more because teenagers get embarrassed about stupid things, things that don't matter, even things that don't really exist to everyone else!

Why don't you suggest that his gf just comes out to the car to say hello when you collect him? Or ask to meet her parents?

Original poster
catmam · 14/09/2019 22:39

When I first started to collect him at night I had to collect him from the village shop (which turns out is quite a distance from her house), then that progressed to the entrance of her park. I drove into the park one night and worked out which house he was coming out of and now I sit outside and text him to tell him I'm outside.

OP posts:
mcmen05 · 14/09/2019 22:46

This is so like my dd I am not allow drop her off or collect only her dad is allow because he doesn't ask questions like me.
I think it's a teenage thing.
When you where that age did you bring boys to meet your parents.

lyralalala · 14/09/2019 22:52

Does she have the house to herself in the evenings?

Also is she allowed to come out? My DDs have a friend who isn't allowed in anyone elses house, but is allowed friends in.

BrokenWing · 14/09/2019 22:53

He's only been seeing her for 3 months!!

I never introduced all my bfs to my parents at that age. I think you should respect his privacy/feelings and stop trying to force your presence into his relationship. If he wants you to meet her you will.

raspberryk · 14/09/2019 22:55

They probably want the empty house to have sex. Simples.
Also meeting the parents isn't something you do too early on, I didn't even tell my parents I had a boyfriend for over a month.

Rainbowknickers · 14/09/2019 22:58

My dsd is the same
She’ll cheerfully go to her boyfriends house-but only dad can drop her off as ‘your embarrassing’
No way would she bring him home to meet me
I mean this is the kid who needed either mine or her dads house keys one day as she’d forgotten hers
I reached into my bag for my keys and she was horrified saying that ‘your so embarrassing ranbow!’
I don’t think there is a hope in hell I’d be allowed to meet him after that!i mean reaching in my bag-the staff in Superdrug must have wondered what the hell was happening!

isntshelovely11 · 14/09/2019 23:03

I was like this when I was growing up. I never ever invited anyone to my house and it was because I worried if people would judge where I lived and because my mum and dad always kept loads of things piled up everywhere that they were apparently sorting out but would end up being there years so I was embarrassed basically of the mess.
Do you have a car that he's embarrassed of? Is your house messy? These are the first thoughts that came into my head but that's only because of my experience growing up..

Sallycanwait1 · 14/09/2019 23:04

Maybe he's embarrassed of her.

Do you think he's got anything to be embarrassed about in regards to you or your home. If he has you would already know about it, teenagers aren't exactly subtle.

DdraigGoch · 14/09/2019 23:06

This is normal for a teenager. Don't take it personally.

pikapikachu · 14/09/2019 23:07

I think it's pretty normal tbh.

I wouldn't do it and my son never brought his gf home and he went out with her for 2 years. I suspect that his younger siblings are also a factor. He's the first of my kids to date and I can imagine the younger ones wanting to tease him. I'm not bothered by him not bringing her home or talking about her. His privacy has been always important to him and he deserves me to butt out.

stucknoue · 14/09/2019 23:11

It's common though perhaps her parents don't drive, perhaps they work shifts aka empty house, or perhaps he's simply not ready yet. My dd has introduced them only when she wanted my assistance or to be at our house, latest one is really sweet but she's a bit older too

LightDrizzle · 14/09/2019 23:13

Of course he’s embarrassed by you, - but not because there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just he’s a teenager and you are his mum. If he brings his girlfriend round you’ll probably talk to her and offer her a drink and food. Then she will realise he was very recently a boy and that he has a mum who still does nice things for him and he won’t be hot anymore. 😂😂😂

Jellybeansincognito · 14/09/2019 23:17

Is there any possibility the girlfriend is actually a boyfriend?

wheresmyliveship · 14/09/2019 23:19

That was my thought @jellybeans

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 23:24

Have you ever met her? Is she younger then he has told you maybe?

Qwerty19 · 14/09/2019 23:27

Maybe she's not allowed and has Strict parents?

Blamangeme · 14/09/2019 23:27

I don't think it's you. My teens don't like me to knock on the door when I collect them from a mates house. Think it's just that they don't want their mum to be seen picking them up even thou their mates knowGrin. It's only been 3 months. The more you ask the less likely he will tell you or introduce you. It's not mandatory! 😂 I know it's frustrating but sit tight and act cool(even though you're not inside but I say this kindly) My niece is in her late 20's and still doesn't tell her mum anything just because her mum wants to know everything! He acting like a standard teen trying to act independent and cool in front of his gf. Let him do that. He'll appreciate it eventually and if it carries on then you'll meet her soon enough. Unless he's worried that you won't approve of her? Sorry to have chucked that in at the end I just thought of it from another angle OP.

EmmiJay · 14/09/2019 23:34

Or he's worried shes going to get too gassed about meeting his mum?? Grin

TheCatsACunt · 14/09/2019 23:37

He’s 17. Meeting parents is a big step in any relationship at any age. Stop pushing him in to something more serious.

2be2ornot · 14/09/2019 23:48

I was going to say the same as a previous poster, are you sure it's a girl?

Original poster
catmam · 14/09/2019 23:55

I think she has a younger sister and dad doesn't live with them so I don't expect mum to drive out late at night to collect her. I've offered to drive her home if that's the case. My other two children attend the same school and confirm she's definitely a girl, not a boy as a pp suggested. Other female friends he had used to come to the house or turn up on Saturday to watch his rugby match.

OP posts:
Original poster
catmam · 14/09/2019 23:58

She was in our house one day last summer (Aug 2018) when we (me hubby 2 siblings) were away for the day. No mention of her again until June 2019.

OP posts:
zen1 · 15/09/2019 00:01

My 16 yr old DS has been with his gf for 15 months and I’ve never officially met her either (though have seen them together from afar). They are both very shy and cringe at the idea of introducing each other to their respective parents. Also my DS is worried that his younger siblings will embarrass him.

Mermaidoutofwater · 15/09/2019 00:11

There are some good suggestions already mentioned on this thread. In my experience though some people are just more inclined to be anxious about their parents meeting a new partner.