to ask for a way to overcome my phone addiction?

[switcharoonie]

I'm on it far too much. Often doing things that need to be done - checking work emails, organising 'life admin' - online shopping, after school clubs etc. but indisputably more often, scrolling through MN and social media.

I don't want my 4yo to grow up remembering her mum forever on her phone. Now she's started school especially, and I'm soon increasing my hours at work, I want to spend all the time I have with her, with her. *
*
But I can't seem to help myself I have ADHD, which doesn't help with impulse control. I certainly used to have much more damaging addictions, before I had her. But I'm v easily bored, and I despise pretend play, which is all my DD wants to do. I do take her out somewhere every day we're not at work/ school - one of the main reasons for this is because I don't find it so difficult to fully 'be in the moment' with her at the woods or the park or whatever. And I do craft or bake with her a couple of times a week too.

But there are still hours where I'm glued to my phone, and I know the amount of time I spend on my phone is not good for either of us. I just can't seem to help myself I'm starting a new degree in a couple of weeks which means I'll be really pushed for time, and realistically I'll need to spend most nights studying. I can't keep picking up my phone and getting distracted. So that's another reason.

My ADHD is quite well controlled with medication throughout the day, but it has worn off through the night which seems to make my extreme MN/ Reddit scrolling even worse. My brain just needs constant stimulation, which I think these kinds of websites fulfils, but it isn't the best. I feel much better mentally having chilled out in front of the TV, but then I get bored through a slow bit and pick up my phone.

Has anybody got any top tips for beating their smartphone addiction? I know the majority of people don't have ADHD, so are able to at least watch TV, but I'm sure other people have noticed themselves using their phones too much, and managed to overcome it?

Have you tried the forest app? You plant a little tree and set a time during which you’re not allowed to look at your phone and if you look at your phone before the times up, your little tree dies. I use it for studying

Shameless placemarking. I'm the same OP, constantly glued to my phone

I've got a similar dislike of pretend play, am much better with taking the kids out or doing an activity. I also struggle to just put the bloody phone down, especially if playing is on the cards. I've recently got the 'offtime' app which I've set to allow calls and messages to come through, but lock me out of apps like Facebook, Instagram, mumsnet. When switched on, it locks me for 1.5hrs. I can unlock it by long pressing for 1min. But it stops me 'just checking' and mindlessly scrolling. I think it is helping!

Have you tried the forest app? You plant a little tree and set a time during which you’re not allowed to look at your phone and if you look at your phone before the times up, your little tree dies. I use it for studying

Just googled, what a good idea! Especially planting the real trees. I'm increasingly more aware of eco issues, so I think this could (🤞🏽) help. Thank you!

I've got a similar dislike of pretend play, am much better with taking the kids out or doing an activity. I also struggle to just put the bloody phone down, especially if playing is on the cards. I've recently got the 'offtime' app which I've set to allow calls and messages to come through, but lock me out of apps like Facebook, Instagram, mumsnet. When switched on, it locks me for 1.5hrs. I can unlock it by long pressing for 1min. But it stops me 'just checking' and mindlessly scrolling. I think it is helping!

Ooh, this sounds interesting too.

Does anybody know of any apps that work like this, but which mean you can't unlock chosen apps?

Same here it's actually terrible

But I'm an addict!

I've been trying out new recipes and baking breads to do more in the house other than be online most of the time! It helps and I find it very therapeutic.

I’m exactly the same OP and also have ADHD. What you said about your brain needing constant stimulation really rings true for me. Even tv isn’t enough stimulation for me and I need to be on my phone too. Also studying and have fallen into the trap of one minute studying, half an hour on my phone.

These apps don’t help me at all because I just switch off the lock but I get that for some people it’s enough to think about it and decide they don’t really want to go on.

The thing that makes me saddest is my kids remembering me always on my phone.

With offtime you can't unlock individual apps when it's on, but you can turn offtime off by long holding and keeping your screen active for 1 min. I guess it's a safety thing maybe, if something happened and you needed to access your sat nav for example?! It also tracks your phone use and will tell you how many times you've been on Facebook, for example, which is pretty horrifying! And gives you points for reducing your use. I think it does graphs and things. So a visual incentive. I might get the forest one too try too 👍

I binned my smart phone and got one of the new nokia 3310s and just check things on the laptop if i need a recipe etc or wait till kids are asleep for mumsnet emails etc wont be for everyone but it works for me. the kids think I am looking at something for them if I open the laptop so I don't check most of the day.

I suppose you could swap your phone for an old Nokia brick and detox!

*I’m exactly the same OP and also have ADHD. What you said about your brain needing constant stimulation really rings true for me. Even tv isn’t enough stimulation for me and I need to be on my phone too. Also studying and have fallen into the trap of one minute studying, half an hour on my phone.

These apps don’t help me at all because I just switch off the lock but I get that for some people it’s enough to think about it and decide they don’t really want to go on.

The thing that makes me saddest is my kids remembering me always on my phone.*

Yes, I could have written this post and that is my fear with these kinds of apps too. That I'll just switch off the lock.

Get your dd to help you make a phone jail (shoe box with bars or something) and get in the habit of popping the phone on silent and into the box when you want to spend proper time playing/making things with DD and at mealtimes.

I suppose you could swap your phone for an old Nokia brick and detox!

It's certainly an idea! But I'm in my 20s and everybody I know interacts via WhatsApp and Instagram. I don't want to never use them, and Mumsnet and things. In the next year, I want to join a dating app of some sort. It's not that I want to chuck the whole thing away. I just want to be able to stop using them so much. Although the apps sound interesting, and I'll definitely give them a go, I guess what I'm really after is some psychological tips, if there are any. So that I can stop myself using my phone, rather than an app banning them.

Get your dd to help you make a phone jail (shoe box with bars or something) and get in the habit of popping the phone on silent and into the box when you want to spend proper time playing/making things with DD and at mealtimes.

This is a cool idea. Thank you

I'm the same but have had long periods off social media which helps. Leaving my phone in the car for a few hours helps too!

I'll be giving offtime a try for sure

I have just bought the forest app, will start using it tomorrow when doing the housework, when I'm in the bath and whatever I think of.

Do you have a tablet or something else you use op?
If so delete all social media off your phone. You can then have your phone near by and there is nothing to 'just check'

I am also in my 20s and understand how everyone is on their phones but am able to admit I am not just scrolling through social media. I use my phone for music and contact and use my iPad for drawing instead of paper as I find it better

When you get In put your phone down and off silent - you'll hear it if someone needs you.

Then try things that use your hands - painting, drawing,baking. All things your dc can get involved in and enjoy

If you think it's as much as you will be still wanting to check it - get rid. People will text you on whatever phone you have if they need/want to contact you.

I'm thinking of switching back to a dumb phone because I am a total phone addict and have loads of useful projects i'm literally years behind on. However, I'm 50 and remember before phones, I used to be addicted to reading instead, or knitting or whatever the latest thing I had to be obbssesed about. (Although phones/ the internet is the worst)...DS1 is being assessed for ADHD next week, after filling in his questionnaires I now realise I have it too so I plan to save up to be assessed myself, bit tricky when an inability to concentrate means you don't have a career...
Can those on medication tell me what difference it made and if it was easy to get it prescribed, I'm really fed up of under achieving in too many areas and the guilt and shame associated...

Keeping the hands busy does help a bit, I made a big crochet throw last year and it was less anti- social to do while the TV was on in the evening. Not a cure though just a temporary diversion.

Can those on medication tell me what difference it made and if it was easy to get it prescribed, I'm really fed up of under achieving in too many areas and the guilt and shame associated...

It's made a huge difference to my life. I could not do the job I do now if I wasn't medicated, and I have no idea how I completed a degree without it. I did most of my essays the day before they were due.

I went to the GP to try and get referred and diagnosed, but he said it would take a good couple of years, and I'd be passed from pillar to post through a lot of people who were less psychologically educated than I (my undergrad degree is in psychology, and I have a lot of clinical experience). He suggested I try to find the money to go private.

Looking online, I found a company called 'Psychiatry UK', who facilitated Skype appointments with very well regarded psychiatrists, who would diagnose and prescribe medications where appropriate.

I cannot speak highly enough of my experience with them. I think it was around £350 for the first appointment, and then the first private prescription was about £70ish? My psychiatrist (Dr Stephen Ilyas) said that most people have a follow up appointment, but I'm skint and I begged him just to send a letter to my GP to prescribe after emailing my (positive) response to the medication each week for the month, and he was happy to do that.

He was super nice; really put me at ease - and actually we went way over the 60 minute, paid for, time because he was interested in my dissertation topic and was asking me lots of questions about it.

My GP had no issue with prescribing after receiving his letter. After 6 months, I had to record my weight and blood pressure at the surgery, but that was it. I couldn't be happier with it all. Much better than waiting 2 years and going through a load of irrelevant appointments and assessments in the meantime. I'm currently saving up for another appointment as he said to come back to him if I start my masters and want to explore some short-release 'top up' meds to help in the evening (whilst studying).

A bit off topic, but it improved my symptoms tenfold, so I hope it's helpful. It's at least half as cheap as going somewhere private face to face, at least in my area - and the doctors are just as qualified. My psychiatrist said he did it whilst his kids were in bed. I definitely identified with that

I’m reading a book called How to break up with your phone! Definitely recommend x

Place marking

I bought a radio alarm clock and physical diary and stopped relying on my phone to wake me up and as the sole way to keep my appointments and lists. We all now charge our phones on a desk on our landing rather than in our rooms.

I also removed myself from most of social media and that cuts out a huge chunk of time.

I also find working out gives me a satisfaction and genuine tiredness that makes me desire much less screen time.

Thanks @switcheroonie that's very useful, I'm coughing up £650 for DS1 who's 21 to be assessed next week as there's no provision for adult assessment in our area according to the mental health nurse DS saw. He's a priority ATM as he's had so many false starts with education and work that it's a wonder he's not given up completely but I want to return to fine art, I did well at art school a long time ago, but floundered out in the real world without support and structure.
I was reasonably OK when my boys were little, I found them very absorbing and their routine imposed structure on me to an extent but my house was very messy and there's no way I could have worked too ( I've never had a full time job 😳).
One thing I've thought of doing is giving my charger to DH to take to work so that I had to ration out the battery life but I'd have to get the DS's to take theirs too and there's still the family Mac and an old iPad...

I’m reading a book called How to break up with your phone! Definitely recommend x

I'll get it! Thanks