When will it get easier?

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Posted in parenting but no response.

Currently struggling a bit. We have a just 2 year old, and a 3 month old. It’s hard bloody work to put it short. The days just feel like one long slog until the battle (with both) at bed time, meaning we usually don’t sit down till gone 9pm in the evening, & the kids are up through the night, & early in the morning.

Neither of them are bad kids, but combined there always seems to be someone crying. 3 month old doesn’t like being put down, ever. 2 year old wants your undivided attention too.

Please tell me it gets easier, soon!? Some days I just want to run away some where silent. This then makes me feel terrible on my kids, they’re so loved & I am trying my best. It all just feels a bit overwhelming at the moment.

Any wise words?
Please tell me it gets easier... soon?!

Mine are 18 and 21 now. It's true what they say, the days are long but the years are short. Mine never slept or sat still. Or did things together at the same time.
I used to work in retail, and every day with a toddler and a baby feels like the first day of sale.
You're not alone op. It's exhausting. I'm not going to bore you and say I'd go back, but I'd love them to snuggle on the sofa with me again, aged 3 and 1... .wont ever happen again.

Try to be kind to yourself and take time out of you can xx

Yes it does, physically, it moves from being physically tiring to mentally challenging.

But I'm better at the mental stuff, being able to talk to my kids and work stuff out than run around in circles and stop them craking their heads open.

Yes. It does get easier. Maybe not for a while but it does slowly but surely. Would you be able to start bedtimes really early (half six say?) Meaning you would be done by half seven. Sometimes my two would get overtired in the evening and were harder to get to bed at all.

There are easy times and there are more difficult times, but the first year with a baby and toddler are relentless. I would love to have a moment with my kids as babies and toddlers again, but I wouldn't go back. It passes.

It does! I have the same gap and my youngest just started school.

Days are long, but the years are short and the time really does fly!

I'd say it gets better when the 2yo is out of nappies and the baby is old enough that they can play together. My two are best of friends and I LOVE watching them play.

But I still remember turning up to DD's nursery in tears because I just couldn't get us all out of the house. I didn't do my hair for days at a time because it was just beyond me. (It's curly so nobody noticed )

For now, just do one day at a time. Plan one 'event' for each day, park, supermarket, visit a relative etc. And just hang in there

Sorry that wasn't very helpful. I think at that age it's because you are mostly tired,it makes everthing worse. I longed for me time too, but I think maybe going to bed early a few nights would have been a better option.

Are you using a sling. Get baby in that and make sure you get out and about with toddler - even just to local park, walking in puddles etc.
Baby maybe a little to young for proper bedtime - it’s a classic age for early evening fussing.
Try get toddler to bed before 7 and just bring baby down for a couple hours.
Co-sleep if you feel safe/able to do so - even if just for a couple months.
2 yr olds are challenging at best of times let alone with you/them adjusting to new baby.
When needed stick TV on and give yourself a break. A hour or two of telly is going to hurt no one.
If baby is sleeping play games with toddler that let you lie down - even if on floor. Like doctors or something. Just lying will give you rest.
Do meal prep in morning - everyone on better form then to let you get stuff done. And pesto pasta with a handful of peas is a perfectly decent meal, as is beans on toast, scrambled eggs. Male toddler meals easy for you.
It will get better!

Thanks all for your advice & experiences. Just knowing I’m not alone in feeling like this has made me feel tons better

P.s - pesto pasta is a staple in our house!

4 is the magic age so far for me for when a child gets a LOT easier. I’ve another almost 4 yr old and a 1.5yr old to get there yet. One think I would say is don’t have more OP. If you think two are tough, three is a lot tougher. (I found two tough for the record but did keep going).

Nothing wrong with pesto pasta with a bit of cooked chicken through it YUM

In a few months they will start to entertain each other. Set boundaries though - eg if they fight over toys the toys get put away

It’s not easy at all at that age but it definitely does get easier

Oh don’t worry @Happyspud I am done, done, done! 😂 we had always said we wanted 3 but now we wholeheartedly agree that 2 is absolutely our number! 🤣

You’re not alone and I’ve only got the one-God they are f ing crazy at 2 yrs old I hated it
3 years old was a bit easier and 4 is miles easier as she’s actually interested in things now. There are still challenges but I feel human now. I also don’t care about very much any more🙈
Sending chocolate and take aways. That’s what’s always kept me going. Plus female company and a good old moan.

@ssd garlic bread & a bit of salad. Perfectly good meal!

Thanks @Siameasy will PM address to send take aways & chocolate to

I have 4 ages 8,7 5 and 2. It gets easier once they are at school.

I have a just turned three year old and an18 month old so similar age gap to you! I can hoe stay say that for me the first six months were fine as youngest was an easy baby, then we had a tough ten months or so while baby got more active and night sweet bad etc. I would say we are just entering an easier pitch again - youngest is getting towards sleeping through most nights, they really have started to play together and have a real laugh, youngest is also walking and talking now so that's helping to feel a bit easier as I don't have to carry her everywhere. They fight more now but also play well so I'm keeping fingers crossed that things keep getting easier from here.

This was me last summer.. DC2 was born when DC1 was 22 months and oh my goodness the first few months especially were SO HARD. It's a hard age gap because the eldest still isn't particularly independent so you can't really leave them alone and you still have to do a lot for them. I remember asking DH the day before he went back to work after his paternity leave how the hell I was going to cope with both of them on my own and he offered no reassurance as he didn't have a clue either! DC1 was very similar in that she wanted my attention the whole time.. she was (understandably) very jealous for ages (and still is sometimes).

Agree that TV is your friend, particularly for the feeding/getting baby to sleep parts of the day.

I found getting to our local toddler group and children's centre groups really helped.. I made some friends with a group of lovely first time mums and so they would watch DC2 for a bit whilst I followed DC1 around (two stationary babies were easier than one and a whirlwind toddler! )

Once DC2 was a little older and in a bit more of a routine I found it a godsend to get them to nap at the same time.. so I'd let DC2 have a short nap in the morning whilst I got DC1 ready, then we'd go out somewhere and by the time we'd come back, it was lunchtime and they were both ready for a nap.

DC1 is now 3.4 and DC2 18 months and it is definitely easier now (mostly!). Don't get me wrong, it is still hard, but DC1 is now at an age where she is slowly outgrowing the toddler tantrums and will play by herself.. I can also reason with her a bit more which definitely helps. They are also starting to interact more on an equal footing and I can see it's starting to get to the point where they'll be at similar stages. (DC2 however is obviously now getting into whirlwind toddler territory so it's going to be harder from another perspective! He was a very chilled out baby though!)

I used to dream of getting a bit of peace to myself.
Now mine are out with girlfriends or working.
I miss the wee boys they were.
It was murder at the time, but magical and so so special in hindsight.

Hang in there OP! Mine are 3 and almost two and it's getting easier recently. I found once the youngest was walking and the oldest was potty trained/started at preschool made a difference and I'm slowly starting to get my sanity back. Don't want to get your hopes up - it's not dramatically better (still plenty of tantrums, sleep deprivation and clingyness) but definitely miles easier than the stage you're at and getting better all the time. Suffer through the first year as best you can!

mine are 8 and 10 and are best friends, they just play together so nicely. it is so worth it and will get easier, each day

Ahhh I know @ssd sometimes when I’m in the garden I’ll look through the doors at DH carrying baby whilst playing/chatting away to 2yo & it looks so sweet, everything I dreamed it would be.

Same boat, op. 🥂
I feel that I just need dp to take baby off me for a bit. And that I shouldn't have to ask him to either.

I have three but youngest two are 2 and nearly 5m. And I find their age gap is the hardest. Going from 1 to 2 wasn't so difficult but my eldest was 5 at the time. Its the pressure of feeling like you should be taking every moment in as it'll be gone one day and trying not to lose my rag!

My dp keeps telling me to go to baby groups 😬