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Original poster

To not go to the work Christmas meal?! So annoyed

59 replies

MarigoldEntwin · 14/09/2019 17:13

We get given a budget by our company and we all go out in our teams.

One woman left the company well over a year ago. People in my team are now inviting her to come to the meal.

She treated me like shit at work, tried to turn people against me. I’d been suicidal before and her behaviour had me on the phone to the Samaritans I felt that low.

I really want to go but I just can’t face it if she’s there.

OP posts:
Venger · 14/09/2019 17:17

Do you all get a say on how the money is spent? If so then put forward the suggestion that it should be current team members only. If they persist in saying that she should be invited then tell them plainly that the two of you did not/do not get along and you wont feel comfortable attending if she does, seeing as you're a current team member/employee and she isn't it should be you who gets priority over attending.

Of course there is the chance they will say "fine, don't come" then they'll invite her anyway but at least then you'll know your whole team are snakes and not just her.

elessar · 14/09/2019 17:17

Speak to HR. I would have thought the budget should only be spent on current employees.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/09/2019 17:20

Get your manager or HR to issue an email reminding people that the budget and event is to encourage team building/ reward the team and people who are not members of the team should not be invited.

insanepizza · 14/09/2019 17:31

Ageee with others, it is not appropriate for her to be there.

Original poster
MarigoldEntwin · 14/09/2019 17:56

Sorry I wasn’t very clear. We get given £50 per head. But obviously we decide on where we go as a team.

Therefore she can still technically go and just pay for herself.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 14/09/2019 17:57

Speak to hr and get them to enforce it for current staff

bigchris · 14/09/2019 18:02

Do your team know?

I'd just say you can't make it due to a family event

Life's too short for worrying about the work Christmas do in September

catwithnohat · 14/09/2019 18:21

I've declined this year's invite....I just can't face the prospect of somewhere that's over-crowded, over-loud and full of people who's main aim is to get totally tanked (despite themselves). I do like my colleagues but its a wasted effort when I can't hear and don't really drink.

Original poster
MarigoldEntwin · 14/09/2019 18:23

I doubt there’s anything HR would do.

We’re booking a table in a restaurant. There’s nothing stopping her from going to the same restaurant as a paying customer Sad

OP posts:
Livebythecoast · 14/09/2019 18:23

I absolutely agree. If she isn't part of your current 'team' why is she invited? Where do they draw the line ? Beryl from accounts who left 2 decades ago. Bill the cleaner who retired 30 years ago?.
If she is invited and you have no say, just don't go. I wouldn't want to spend the festive period with someone who made my working life a misery.

Singlenotsingle · 14/09/2019 18:25

People drink too much, eat too much, get silly, and the whole event is full of false jollity. I can't think of anything worse.

incognitomum · 14/09/2019 18:26

Shame you couldn't just have the cash?

Do people at work know how she treated you?

BlueJava · 14/09/2019 18:27

I don't think HR would or could do anything about it. We have the same arrangement with people being given money for team lunches, but some teams invite past members even if they have left. Just don't go - to be honest I usually try and duck out myself!

SunflowersNKittens · 14/09/2019 18:32

Just don’t go. I might be a bit antisocial
But I don’t want to spend a precious evening around the Xmas period with people I see everyday anyway. I suspect you could probably find something more fun to do without horrible lady.

Outsomnia · 14/09/2019 18:32

I have dodged all Christmas get togethers so far. I work with these people every day, so I am damned if I want to spend anymore time with them in a faux camaraderie, drink filled occasion. Nope.

No one cares either, which suits me fine. Oh and I am perfectly pleasant at work, and rub along with everyone. They all know that I won't attend crap nights out that cost a fortune and eat into my own free time. I am not the only one who does it. Everyone is different.

I wouldn't go OP. Not worth it for your sanity is it?

Reallynowdear · 14/09/2019 18:41

Just don't go, politely decline and organise something with your friends/partner for the same evening.

Bullies love a reaction, don't giver her one.

Teddybear45 · 14/09/2019 18:43

She doesn’t work with you any more and so if she tries it on you can be ruthless to her.

Original poster
MarigoldEntwin · 14/09/2019 18:44

A few people know what she did, but they are also friends with her so .. who knows what she says.

We joined the department at the same time and she was going round to people making up lies and saying not to be friends with me.

OP posts:
OtraCosaMariposa · 14/09/2019 18:45

Totally inappropriate. It's a staff night out. For staff. Not for previous members of staff, however they behaved during their time at work.

incognitomum · 14/09/2019 18:46

Omg that's so childish and weird. Why would anyone be friends with her??

timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 18:57

Don't go. I would just decline. And honestly, because people are still friends with her, I'd be looking for a new job.

Bowerbird5 · 14/09/2019 18:59

Don’t go. There was some shitty behaviour at my work place this summer. I didn’t go. I didn’t feel I had lost out.

Windygate · 14/09/2019 19:05

Could you use your £50 budget towards a meal for you and someone you'd like to have dinner with? I'd rather fish and chips with a friend than a meal with someone who wished me harm.

MutedUser · 14/09/2019 19:07

I just decline to go to any of my works Christmas nights out anymore. They made me miserable and I thought why do I put myself through this . So I stopped. It was really liberating .

BumbleBeee69 · 14/09/2019 19:10

Absolutely agree.. do not go OP, spend your wee evening with genuine people. Flowers

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