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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and a brat?

75 replies

SorryForMyself11 · 14/09/2019 15:02

I know I am, but I just needed a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself before I go back to bright, shiny and happy.

It’s my birthday tomorrow; not a big one, I’m in my late 20’s. I am fully aware that I’m therefore way too old to give a crap about my birthday etc, but I think I’m just a bit fed up in general and a big occasion has highlighted it.

Due to a change in job I’m back living at home with my DM, who totally forgot it was even my birthday until yesterday when she was deciding whether to take overtime at work.

I know from previous years that she doesn’t really ‘do’ birthdays, and neither does my DB, and I’ve been told by both of them not to expect any presents because they’re both skint, and have to work on Monday so not to expect to go for drinks or dinner or anything.

I’ve now got no DP, no friends as I’ve moved miles away, and it’s just a bit depressing to be celebrating your birthday pretty much alone, or with people who you know will be counting the cost of everything.

My DM and DB also have a history of getting into huge fights the day before my birthday, and spend all day giving each other the silent or icy treatment.

Don’t get me wrong; I love my family and they love me, and it’s not about the money. I think the trouble is that I love spoiling people on their birthdays; decorations, presents, their favourite breakfast etc; I really like taking the chance to celebrate their special day, and I know I won’t get anything like that. Again, I get that that’s my problem and nobody else’s, and I should just stop doing it. I’ll also probably hear from my ‘D’ Dad for the first time since last year, and he’ll spend exactly thirty seconds speaking to me before getting back to my stepsisters birthday which is on the same day; for context, last year he didn’t call me because he had taken her to Italy for a four day birthday weekend which ended with him presenting her with her brand new Audi.

Urgh, I don’t even know what my AIBU is, and this has got super long. I’ll probably delete it, but kudos to anyone who made it to the end.

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 15/09/2019 09:32

Happy birthday!

Treat yourself and enjoy your day. 🎁🎉

nonevernotever · 15/09/2019 09:33

Happy birthday! Hope you have a lovely day and manage to spoil yourself a bit.

timeisnotaline · 15/09/2019 09:36

Not at all unreasonable OP. Can you spend a few moments thinking about the effort you’ve gone to for others, then realise that you are worth AT LEAST that much effort, ignore everyone else and concentrate on you for tomorrow? Do something that makes you happy. Don’t try and involve your family at all. Have a great day.

JollyRocker · 15/09/2019 09:37

Happy birthday OP! Flowers I’ll go out with you for your bday as well! Lol have a truly lovely day xx CakeWine

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 15/09/2019 09:38

Happy birthday! Hope you have decided to have a day of being kind to yourself, and giving yourself permission to do all the treat things that you love.

You don’t sound brattish at all. I think the birthday is symptomatic of the wider picture. Your mum and brother come across as a bit selfish and uncaring, and tbh I would dial back any birthday fuss for them- simple card and present from now on. Your dad sounds like an absolute tool- he clearly wanted to totally reinvent his family life with OW, and that creates the kind of deep hurt in a child that never goes away.

CluelessNewMama · 15/09/2019 09:39

Happy Birthday!! Sorry that your family are being rubbish, you are never too old to celebrate your birthday and expect others to want to make a fuss of you. I hope you have a great day planned and thoroughly spoil yourself.

Barbarara · 15/09/2019 09:39

🎼happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Sorr-eeeeee, happy birthday to you 🎶

BlueChangeling · 15/09/2019 09:42

Happy Birthday.

I used to be like you, making a fuss over over people's birthdays but radio silence on mine. After the shit show that was my 21st (drama, drama, drama) I decided not to bother anymore.

I now spend my birthday doing as I please, day off work, boiled egg and toast for lunch (my fave) a day in the city centre buying new pj's, bath bombs and a new book.

Then the evening with my favourite takeaway then reading my new book in a bubble bath with a glass of wine.

Have a fantastic day whatever you end up doing x

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 15/09/2019 09:46

🥳 Happy Birthday 🥳

YANBU to be disappointed but the great thing about being the age you are now is you can take control.

I'm not a fan of birthdays myself, in my family they often mean going for a meal and feeling a bit tense waiting for an inevitable argument to start so now I book holidays which 'happen to fall on my birthday' so I'm not home. It is amazing, no stress, no drama and i can do what I like. (I also go away for Christmas every other year for the same reasons).

Have a lovely day today and book something for yourself next year that is a completely selfish treat!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 15/09/2019 09:53

Use some of that money you'd use to spoil others on yourself. Think of it as your turn now.
And happy birthday Thanks

Divorce678 · 15/09/2019 09:53

Happy Birthday OP. Have a Great day doing something that you love!

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 15/09/2019 09:54

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🥳 🎂 🎉

I love birthdays as they’re like a personal new year. So if this one is a bit shite, you have 12 months to move, find new friends, get a lovely BF, tell your dad to do one, save up for a Maserati, transform your appearance, transform your social life, become an IG influencer, move to Ibiza, move to Alaska, don’t move at all, or do anything else that’ll mean you’ll feel 100% better about your birthday next year.

In the meantime, treat yourself!

Ilovewillow · 15/09/2019 10:01

ThanksStarHappy Birthday StarThanks - all that good will you bestow on others for their birthdays bestow on yourself, give yourself the loveliest day!

Annonymiss123 · 15/09/2019 10:10

Happy birthday OP. I hope you’re doing something nice for yourself today and that the coming year will bring lots of happiness and good things your way. 🎉🎁🎂💐

666onmyhead · 15/09/2019 10:13

🎶 happy birthday to you,
🎶 happy birthday to you,
🎶 happy birthday dear @sorryformyself11 !!!!
🎶 happy birthday to you !!!! 🎉🎂

Apileofballyhoo · 15/09/2019 10:18

Happy birthday! FlowersCakeWine

WWlOOlWW · 15/09/2019 12:15

Happy birthday! Hope you have planned something lovely for yourself x

Treesinaforest · 15/09/2019 14:07

Happy birthday!

My gift to you is this piece of advice- spend this year learning to accept that your father's behaviour is 1. Not your fault and
2 not what you deserve
Personally I don't think he deserves a relationship with you, but that is for you to decide.

For today, please buy your most favorite cake and whatever else takes your fancy. Have a lovely dayCakeWineBrewGlitterball

Original poster
SorryForMyself11 · 15/09/2019 23:59

I am so overwhelmed by all your lovely messages; thankyou so much! I had a wonderful day in the end and decided to take your advice and seriously apologise myself; I took myself off for a gorgeous long beach walk, followed by some serious pampering and a delicious veggie Chinese takeout! Also finally decided to book my flight to take me off travelling for a few months; something I’ve been meaning to do for months; you guys gave me the motivation to make sure this is the best year yet!

OP posts:
ShellbyBell · 16/09/2019 00:04

Glad you had a wonderful birthday! Happy Belated FlowersWine

Foslady · 16/09/2019 04:07

Fab update @SorryForMyself11, really pleased that you had and are making plans for you

Lindy2 · 16/09/2019 09:27

Sounds like you celebrated your birthday in style. Enjoy your travels!

Benefitofthedoubt · 16/09/2019 09:32

Happy birthday. I spent my 18th alone, family didn’t care and, living alone, I didn’t have the courage to organise anything with people I hardly knew at work (just left home and moved away from people I knew well).

Apileofballyhoo · 16/09/2019 15:53

Look after yourself, OP. Give yourself plenty of that love you have - it can be hard to put yourself first but that's what you must do.

Annonymiss123 · 16/09/2019 22:20

Also finally decided to book my flight to take me off travelling for a few months; something I’ve been meaning to do for months; you guys gave me the motivation to make sure this is the best year yet!

Fabulous!! Well done you! 👏👏😀

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