Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu sickness/diarrhoea

32 replies

granadagirl · 14/09/2019 13:16

So started being violently sick since about 8pm Thursday night.
Dp was out at his volunteer job
After second bout of throwing up I text him to say what was happening
This continued twice more, and I was getting scared. My son was in the house asking was I ok, why was it happening etc(just what you don’t need questions really)
I wanted dp to be here

I went to lay on bed, then diarrhoea starting!! And sick again.
Dp had come back now, not because of me because it had finished.
I was on the bathroom floor near toilet being sick, he didn’t even come straight upstairs carried on putting his things away

I have honestly never felt so ill and scared in all my life.
I suffer from GAD and think in the mist of this I had a panic attack
I went really hot and shaky

Also whilst this was going on, he gets in the shower and goes back down stairs on laptop/tv. Occasionally coming up whilst still in the bathroom asking did I want anything.

I couldn’t switch off most of the night in bed, my head was aching also.
Friday he’s acting like nothing happened, and said “it happened then, this is now”
I still had the diarrhoea!

He ask was it ok for him to go out on his pedal bike as he knew I wasn’t ok.
If I’d of said no, his face would of been touching his feet.

Feeling bit better after a nights sleep
I get up and I’m back to the diarrhoea!
He’s now gone out on his motorcycle

I’m so peed off with him, leaving me again for a 2 hr ride on a bloody bike.
I know it’s now only diarrhoea

Am I being unreasonable?
He knows how bad I suffer from anxiety and thoughts that it brings with it

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/09/2019 13:25

What do you need him up do?

When I’m ill like that the very last thing I want is company.

It’s common to get shaky and hot with a stomach bug.

Hope you feel better soon. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong.

MsJaneAusten · 14/09/2019 13:33

What did you want him to do though? If I’m sick I just want to be left alone. It would have been kind if him to leave some food/drinks within your reach before he went out, but otherwise I can’t see what he could do...

Unless you have younger children that need looking after?

Original poster
granadagirl · 14/09/2019 14:12

Think because of my high anxiety and he knows what I’m like
I expected him to won’t to be around for me , Not sat next to me obviously but for more like support.
It terrified me the other night, I have never been like that.

It’s just he knows how hard anxiety is for me to cope with everyday alone, without being ill with it.
It just seems, he never changes his plans regardless, yet when he’s ill
I know about it. He will keep mentioning how he feels.
If I do it “ stop thinking negative “

Food & drinks
If I ask a few times to get me something it
“ don’t think I’m running around after you all day”

Oh well better get out of this mood

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 14/09/2019 14:20

When my OH had a bout of bad gastro I kept as far away as possible...hearing others being sick makes me gag so apart from getting him the occasional glass of water and shouting him from the bottom of the stair to check he was still alive I kept away.

I think your being unreasonable but I hope you feel better soon

CherryPavlova · 14/09/2019 14:24

You had a bout of D and V. He was best off keeping away to reduce the risk of him catching it.
What’s he meant to do? Watch you being sick?
You sound terribly dramatic for a bit of a tummy bug.

emmaluvseeyore · 14/09/2019 14:24

Sounds like you needed to communicate better with him. If you wanted him to be with you, then you need to tell him. He’s not a mind reader.

CherryPavlova · 14/09/2019 14:26

If you’re vomiting you shouldn’t be eating so no need for him to fetch anything except perhaps a glass of water to sip. If you kept demanding food, it was no wonder you continued to vomit.

Original poster
granadagirl · 14/09/2019 15:11

Vomit & diarrhoea don’t bother him
Where as me, I gag.

I think either it’s the way I’ve written it or you’ve misunderstood

Now way did I want him to bring me food or drink
If anything I haven’t eaten so why say that, I haven’t mentioned I wanted that
Also his face alone , if I did ask would tell me not too. I know better than to do that.

No worries, sorted myself as usual
It was only to see if anyone thought
I was being left alone whilst really ill
Not just a tummy bug

OP posts:
LIZS · 14/09/2019 15:17

But it is just a tummy bug. Maybe he hopes to avoid catching it. Where is your ds now? You are not so ill you cannot function. Keep fluids up and rest.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/09/2019 16:43

From what you’ve described you weren’t really ill, you had a tummy bug. It happens. Your anxiety may worsen when you’re physically ill and you need to be honest with him about you he can support you with that. But that doesn’t make your tummy bug a serious illness.

themuttsnutts · 14/09/2019 16:47

How old is your son?

catsandkid · 14/09/2019 16:51

I completely hate tummy bugs - I'm always petrified of catching one as I hate being sick with D&V (obviously no one likes it, but I get all panicky).

Anyway - all id expect from DH is to keep the kids occupied and away from me. I wouldn't expect him to rush upstairs to me - in fact it'd make me panic if he did as I need to be alone when I'm ill like that. If I was alone with the kids whilst vomiting I'd want DH to come home simply so he could keep the kids away as the last thing I'd want is to infect them with it!

I think you're overreacting a bit with this. Tummy bugs are awful but it was just that (they can also go on for up to a week with the D part so don't worry too much over that). Take care of yourself, drink lots and you'll feel better soon.

fromthefloorboardsup · 14/09/2019 16:52

I've just had food poisoning so essentially the same symptoms. I've been alone the whole time as DP is abroad and we don't live together. Lots of people go through this alone, it's grim but there really isn't much anyone can do for you. You just have to get through it and know it'll be over soon.

fromthefloorboardsup · 14/09/2019 16:54

Why did it make you feel terrified? Have you not had D&V before?

dollydaydream114 · 14/09/2019 16:58

What you are describing is an ordinary tummy bug and you are a grown adult. You do not need anyone to rush home because you’ve thrown up. He stayed downstairs and he did keep coming up to ask you needed anything - what else did you want him to do? You surely didn’t expect him to literally sit in the room with you all evening and watch you being sick?? Confused

He’s now gone out for two hours. You can be left alone for two hours while recovering two days after you were sick.

You sound extremely needy and dramatic and your DP is right not to pander to this.

TheMustressMhor · 14/09/2019 16:59

I have a feeling that your DP is getting tired of your undoubted ability to dramatize minor health worries like this.

And I do think YABU for making such a fuss about his behaviour. It's not as though you were fighting for your life.

You had a tummy bug.

Jent13c · 14/09/2019 17:01

Sorry YABU, I would be like your husband and nowhere near you unless I had to be around (ie for young kids ). I'm not sure if you were actually meaning you wanted him in the bathroom with you but it is incredibly unreasonable for you to want him watch you move your bowels on the toilet. I'm sorry you felt abandoned but this is really something an adult should be able to cope with themselves and the majority wouldnt want to share (said as a nurse on an emergency assessment bowel ward who has seen more than her fair share of dodgy bowels). I understand you have some mental health concerns, if you are receiving counselling at all perhaps you could speak to the HCP about resilience? Sorry you are feeling so poorly, it is pretty grim when you have a sickness bug, definitely something to rest up in bed and make sure you keep drinking, even if it's just a tiny 10ml at a time until you stop vomiting.

Pinkypurple35 · 14/09/2019 17:01

It’s not fair to expect him to stay in whilst you have diahorrea. Seriously what do you expect him to do for you whilst you go on the loo?
You need to get this into perspective, if it’s a D&Vbug your aren’t really I’ll, it’s just the tail end of a bug.

MsJaneAusten · 14/09/2019 17:03

How are you doing OP? I hope you’re feeling a bit better and that he’s made sure you have something nutritious.

yellowallpaper · 14/09/2019 17:10

You can't put your anxiety about illness onto your DH. He's not responsible for your overreaction to a minor illness and he seems determined not to indulge it. Maybe you should get to grips with your anxiety via therapy instead of expecting him to pander to what a lot of people would consider something minor.

Bourbonbiccy · 14/09/2019 17:10

Personally i would prefer my hubby to be as far away as possible if I were suffering with a stomach bug and had diarrhoea.

I think you are over reacting slightly. He really couldn't do anything to help and I don't see how sitting on the sofa downstairs waiting for it pass helps.

Are you saying this would help with the anxiety you feel about being ill?
Have you tried seeking a but if help with that.

TheMustressMhor · 14/09/2019 17:15

How are you doing OP? I hope you’re feeling a bit better and that he’s made sure you have something nutritious.

Not a brilliant idea until the diarrhoea has stopped.

YeOldeTrout · 14/09/2019 20:51

Genuine question.. probably get shouted at, but here goes.

When someone suffers from unreasonable fear (ie, anxiety) should one respond with...

A) "Yes I'll alter decisions because of your worries even though your worries are very irrational."

or
is the right thing to say

B) "I will make decisions based on what I think is reasonable response to the actual situation. Your worries are not a rational way to decide what I should do."

Coz I --am heartless- would lean towards B).

fromthefloorboardsup · 14/09/2019 21:11

I think B (and I don't consider myself heartless Wink) You can be compassionate in the way you tell someone that, but I do think you have to talk to people about their anxieties, explain that it's the anxiety saying it, and help them to think differently where they can.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 14/09/2019 21:13

With all kindness, he isn't your carer, so you are being U to say he should know better as you have such a hard time of life.

I also agree with pp that there wasn't much he could do anyway, and watching someone shit and puke isn't exactly a good time.

BUT you did feel ill so that is probably clouding your judgement. Next time (hopefully along time hence!), talk to him clearly and unambiguously.

Hope you're feeling better.