Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am BU because stepMIL is a lovely kind person. But ARGH

52 replies

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 14/09/2019 09:33

She arrived to stay last night and will stay tonight as well. She is off to an exotic country on Sun (alone, with a travel company) and is flapping about it - she did warn us she would do this. FIL is in tow but is buggering off at the earliest opportunity to his own social event and is not especially emotionally supportive at the best of times, so he's no use. DH is mostly hiding from her when he can and nodding emphatically regardless of content when cornered.

Basically she is flapping, flapping, flapping and I am fighting the urge to bang my head into a wall because unconsciousness seems like the only way to stop her talking to me. I'm not convinced even that would stop her tbh Confused

I'm being unkind. Outwardly I am doing my best smile and reassure, smile and reassure. She is a lovely person and a kind one, and far more of a grandparent than DH's mum. But God I am struggling today Grin

Please hold my hand and tell me your stories of nice yet annoying people you have nobly borne with!

P.S. I'm aware there will probably be a thread like this about me in 30 years' time. I am comfortable with that Grin

OP posts:
mankyfourthtoe · 14/09/2019 09:46

Is it stuff you could direct her to research, or does she need a notebook and pen to make lists, shopping as a distraction..

BasilTheGreat · 14/09/2019 09:47

Sorry I don’t know what you mean by ”flapping” so I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary. Is this it??🤣
“Flapping” ”Shaking one's willy in an eccentric and exciting manner. often resulting in hilarious and wet consequences. can be used as a form of foreplay or to attract other people to engage in the mating process, much like a peacock displays her feathers to attract a mate. a male human will often display his willy in an appealing way to gain sexual prowess.”

TheAlternativeTentacle · 14/09/2019 09:50

Can you tell her to stop flapping?

Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 14/09/2019 09:53

Basil I did not mean that!! Shock

I meant it in terms of fretting, repeating herself, checking things a lot and seeking constant reassurance that everything is fine and not to worry. I thought it was a fairly common term tbh!

OP posts:
GlassSuppers · 14/09/2019 09:53

@BasilTheGreat that's hilarious Grin

Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 14/09/2019 09:55

Alternative she told us she would be in a flap and so I think by God she intends to flap.

Seeing it in a whole new light now, thanks Basil Grin

She is a bit needy at the best of times tbf - this isn't a surprise. Very kind, but needs attention and reassurance.

OP posts:
BasilTheGreat · 14/09/2019 10:09

I had a good laugh at that and hope you did too! Smile

TheRLodger · 14/09/2019 10:16

Is it something in particular, for example Is she a nervous flyer? or is it a broader the holiday is going to be a disaster type thing?

Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 14/09/2019 10:20

It's more "And then I'll do this. And I still need to do that. I need to buy nuts. WE NEED TO GO BUY NUTS NOW DIL, WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT HAPPENS TODAY." We live 3 minutes from 4 major supermarkets. Nuts won't be a problem!

It's pre-trip jitters. I get that, but it's somewhat wearing!

Debating whether or not to get in wine tonight - it'll either relax her or make her cry. Could go either way.....

OP posts:
TheRLodger · 14/09/2019 10:22

You can get the wine whilst she gets her nuts and other travel essentials

Pinkypurple35 · 14/09/2019 10:24

Put headphones on so you don’t have to hear it all?
sorry I know that’s unhelpful but I have a relative who does this and it pisses me off, it’s like they want to whip you up into a state of panic too.

HorseGallopingOnATomato · 14/09/2019 10:24

As for the things she needs to DO, would making a list help? Might stop the repeating herself and she can tick things off?

TheAlternativeTentacle · 14/09/2019 10:26

Why does she need nuts for a flight?
You need to tell her every time, to write it on a list and your husband will sort it when he gets home.

Simkin · 14/09/2019 10:28

Get her to make a list. Do everything on it asap and then do something else very involving eg cinema or Go Ape (joke)

MsVestibule · 14/09/2019 10:32

Have you actually told her to stop flapping? I would do this to somebody I knew well! Something like 'StepMIL PLEASE stop flapping, it's really winding me up. Why don't you write a list of everything you're concerned about and we can go over it and get everything bought/sorted out'.

WatchingTheMoon · 14/09/2019 10:33

My mum flaps too but then gets really snappy and rude if you try to reassure her in any way, offer practical help or ask her to stop.

I just leave her to get on with it.

At least it sounds like your MIL isn't like that, so I'd just do whatever chores it is together (buying nuts etc) to get them out of the way so you can all relax.

CandyLeBonBon · 14/09/2019 10:36

Tell her she can't take nuts on a flight because of allergies. Give her something else to think about 😂

CandyLeBonBon · 14/09/2019 10:36

Sorry op that probably wasn't helpful but my mum does this and it drives me insane!

WillLokireturn · 14/09/2019 10:38

"Write it on the list DSMIL.."
"DSMIL you said you'd be in a flap, you've been fretting for hours now and I'm starting to get a headache... It help you to sit quietly and take some deep breaths... I need a break"
Can you go out (alone or with DC?)

My DParents are wonderful but talk for GB (and can nag for GB too!) at times. I regularly pull the "I'm getting a headache/ migraine" card after a few hours, as it's true. And the "my migraine from yesterday is coming back" card, as it's true. I say things like I really need some peace and quiet (in the house) now. It's all said with love but it's a way of letting them know when they're too much.
Can you redirect DSMIL later into talking about what she's looking forward to in the holiday?

Original poster
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 14/09/2019 10:40

Don't worry, the nuts are for if she feels too scared to leave her hotel room and seek out food! I'd be a bit more Hmm at that but I tend to pack safety food supplies for myself in fear of starvation (vegan), so I get it Grin

She would be upset if I tell her to pack it in. I can't do that to her Sad

OP posts:
Aridane · 14/09/2019 10:42

Which travel company?

WillLokireturn · 14/09/2019 10:43

Ah, you want to relax DSMIL ... Wine sounds good for tonight, but only 2 small glasses. Three is the crying one 😂
Can you find an activity she'd become absorbed in with the DCs, or take her and them out today after the lady minute purchase are bought? She'll be focused on something else then that'll make her smile and laugh. Laughing is great for releasing those relaxing endorphins.

Juells · 14/09/2019 10:45

@BasilTheGreat
much like a peacock displays her feathers to attract a mate.

Ha ha, charmed to think the writer thinks it's the female peacock that displays.

WillLokireturn · 14/09/2019 10:46

"lady minute purchases" 😂😂😂 (of course I typed last not lady.)

bluebeck · 14/09/2019 10:47

I used to have an administrator who was like this. I loved her to bits, she was very kind and generous but would get in a state and repeat herself, worry about everything and generally "flap"

I agree with PP, a list would be good.

Failing that, don't you have to go and get your hair done/massage/some other appt you forgot about this afternoon?

Let DH do his share of accommodating her.

Alternatively, yes, cinema (Downton Abbey?) would give you a couple of hours respite...

Swipe left for the next trending thread