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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think an LGBT group is entitled to call themselves that?

36 replies

DrSeuss · 13/09/2019 19:22

A bit of background first. I work at a school in the South East which has a plaque from Stonewall in the entrance hall, proclaiming our affiliation with them as well as a large, prominent display about LGBT issues (posters say things like, "Some people are gay. Get over it.") I have always been proud of this aspect of our school. I am not myself part of that community but have a number of friends who are and would consider myself a Straight Ally.

A colleague who is herself a lesbian wishes to start a group for the LGBT students. Given that we have 1500 kids, it would be reasonable to expect that 100 or so are other than heterosexual. Not a militant group, just a group for fellowship, support and a little fundraising for the local charity which does sterling work in helping LGBT youth in our area. No intention of demanding anything, just to provide support, help those in need of guidance and generally let people know that it's just fine to be whoever you are.

So far so good. However, she has been told that she cannot use the initials LGBT in the group name, as it implies that some people are not welcome. I have no idea where this came from as I, a straight female, have already been told that I will be welcome and that my support will be valued. It's a group for the support and fellowship of LGBT youth but it can't say so in its name? AIBU to find this bizarre?

My friend is now beginning to question the whole set up. A plaque from Stonewall- is that just for show? (The Healthy Eating School ones are bollocks, that much we knew, but we did think the Stonewall one meant something.) She is afraid that, if she lets the name thing slide, other things will be expected to slide. Would the fundraising for a very reputable local charity be allowed? Would the display of a rainbow flag? Would we be allowed, for example, to make rainbow themed cakes as a fundraiser? Who knows.

We both feel so disappointed that the whole LGBT thing seems to be largely for show. What can you even call a group for LGBT youth without calling it a group for LGBT youth? I suggested the Kenneth Williams Memorial Group in a flippant moment, (not as flippant as all that, really. He lead a tortured existence being unable to be who he really was in public.) or Turing in a more serious moment. DH suggests The Group That Dare Not Speak its Name!

Not entirely sure what my AIBU is anymore. Its worth doing the group, isn't it? We can do good even if the face of such fuckwittage? And they are unreasonable to not let my friend call the group what it is?

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bridgetreilly · 13/09/2019 19:27

Your post is not clear: is it a group for LGBT students (in which case no, not everyone is welcome to be part of that) or is it a group supporting LGBT rights and discussing LGBT issues (in which case heterosexual people are also welcome)? If you just call it the LGBT group I would assume the former, and if you mean the latter, I'd call it something else.

WaggingKnife · 13/09/2019 19:28

Stonewall are a load of tub-thumping bullshitters, so the plaque has about as much meaning as a lump of butter.

YANBU to think that what is essentially an LGBT soc, should be able to use the initials “LGBT”. Surely using anything else could mean that people who the group would benefit, might miss out because they might not be up on the meaning of the quirky or cool name that is eventually chosen.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 13/09/2019 19:28

The LGBT group at my old school is called the Pride group, and like yours is open to those identifying as LGBT and allies. No idea if they were prohibited from using the term or not. But the school also has Jewish and Muslim groups, so presumably if they allow them they would have allowed LGBT.

Sounds like political correctness gone way, way too far.

DrSeuss · 13/09/2019 19:30

It is to be a group for LGBT people, their friends and supporters. I, a straight female, have been invited to join.

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Fantababy · 13/09/2019 19:30

The LGBT group in my school is called just that.

Fantababy · 13/09/2019 19:31

I should add, I believe it's open to all. Non LGBT teachers are certainly encouraged to pop in.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 13/09/2019 19:32

What about LGBT Friends? Then there's enough room for ambiguity.

BreakfastAtLitanies · 13/09/2019 19:33

Think lots of American schools got around this with a Gay-Straight Alliance.

I'd call it LGBT+ and allies group

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 13/09/2019 19:33

Who has told your friend she can’t use LGBT? Is it the school or stonewall or who?

Thingsthatgo · 13/09/2019 19:34

How about just LBGT+ (or LBGT+allies)?

Sunshine93 · 13/09/2019 19:35

LGBT friends and Pride group both sound like good compromises. Although I think they should be allowed to call it LGBT group

BogglesGoggles · 13/09/2019 19:36

Is it because she isn’t using the full LGBTQA+?

BogglesGoggles · 13/09/2019 19:36

Pride group is more catchy as suggested above.

Thingsthatgo · 13/09/2019 19:38

Just to add, I am not LGBT but if I wanted to join the group I would feel more confident in being welcomed if it were called LBGT+

I might be a bit shy about asking to join if it were called LGBT because I wouldn’t want to intrude.

slipperywhensparticus · 13/09/2019 19:39

What the fuck does the A stand for ambiguity?

DrSeuss · 13/09/2019 19:39

The Head objects on the grounds that others would feel unwelcome. They are perfectly welcome. I went with Turing for obvious reasons but also because she's a mathematician,

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Durgasarrow · 13/09/2019 19:40

My straight son was the president of his gay-straight alliance in his high school.

DrSeuss · 13/09/2019 19:43

The main problem is the growing impression of LGBT issues being paid lip service, nothing more. Stick up a plaque, put a display up. We thought that meant something but now we're not sure.

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JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 13/09/2019 19:44

Did she specify who she thought would feel unwelcome? Did she offer any alternative?

BookWitch · 13/09/2019 19:45

My lesbian dd started the LGBT club at her school.
Allies were welcome too, I think it was called LGBT friends.

sophiasnail · 13/09/2019 19:46

I'm a lesbian. I hate LGBT and any other letters tagged on. It makes me feel like I am being placed in a dumping ground for people who are not "normal". Whilst I have every respect for people who are GBT and the rest of it, I do not want to be lumped in with them.

DrSeuss · 13/09/2019 19:46

I believe, straight people. Wasn't actually specified. Pretty sure she's not stressing n case we left an initial out and that group feels unwanted.

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Gormless · 13/09/2019 19:48

How about something like ‘Rainbow network’: covers a whole spectrum of identities but meaning still pretty clear. Don’t get discouraged and disillusioned (though you have reason): these groups by whatever name make all the difference to young people.

MissPepper8 · 13/09/2019 19:48

Is this more due to there are over 100 new genders now? So pansexual, pangender and so on? I mean I wouldn't even then say you were excluding other genders either by using that.

Maybe as someone suggested, it would be a good idea to call it Pride? I don't think YABU I just think things have changed a bit.

DrSeuss · 13/09/2019 19:48

Sophia, our group just wants to be welcoming. What would be a name that would make you feel that?

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