To think that reading Mumsnet gives you a pretty poor view of the male race

[DownToTheSeaAgain]

Just that really. Unfortunately it seems, in the main, to be justified.

AIBU?

I have a selfish, lazy, grumpy DH- MN men sparkle in comparison !

Nah, I sort of feel like news reports and general experience of the world and society did that long ago.

My DH and I were discussing it a couple of nights ago and for me it basically comes down to "men are no longer deserving of trust as a default". They just aren't. He agrees.

It’s self selecting though isn’t it

Given the majority of users are women in heterosexual relationships of course the moans will be from women about men

If you had threads talking about how amazing your husband was you’d have your arse absolutely handed to you

Maybe it’s a British thing but MN users definitely appreciate being humble and modest.

The male race?
What, like the one where they all win gold in the women's race?

The male sex however, only if you read the relationship or feminists board.

Don't forget this is a predominantly female forum do you're going to get women talking about their problems here.

Of course there are genuine instances of abuse and such, but you're only seeing one side of the story. A lot of information in threads is omitted.

It just annoys me that the go to response to most threads is LTB. Which is purely based off a one sided account. I'd imagine that a decent proportion of the threads have been written in a way in which it makes the man look worse than he is. As I said, a lot are genuine instances of abuse and posters are great at offering advice. But some of the advice on here is baffling when the poster is clearly being dramatic and OTT.

I don't. For every arsehole, abusive, lazy sexually coercive man talked about on here there are lots of 'my DH isn't like that and neither is my dad/brother/friend. It's not normal'. All the good men should hate the bad ones, rather than blaming women for talking about them.

MN is intolerant of nobbers, not men.

There are lots of negative threads, directed at MILS and SILS. One of the threads in AIBU asked if 'All SILS are bitches?'. They seemed to forget that, if it were true, it made the OP a bitch in her own right.
According therefore, to many MN posters most MILS, SILS and men in general are to be despised.
Some posters are hugely indignant that the F4J forums are largely anti women. Ditto Gransnet and DILS.
I think it is a shame that some posters are very supportive to other women until they reach a certain age then they are patronised or ignored. There is a bias , unconscious or otherwise, on the MN forum.

I think 'stating how wonderful your man is' is akin to callin down the curse of Hello magazine (where the gorgeous couples featured, telling the world how happy they are, promptly split).

You have to feel truly secure to tell the world about how great your man is and what a wonderful father he is - especially if you're back on six months later because you've found out he was having a four year affair with a girl from work.

Women normally only come here with a problem or issue about their partner/husband/BF.

So what you are essentially looking at is a demographic of women with a relationship problem of some kind. They may have had 20 happy years with said man but suddenly something has occurred and they come here to talk about it. What then gets focussed on is this one incident and suddenly that becomes representative of their entire 20 year relationship history. Of course there are some who have not had that experience but finally find the courage to open up.

It isn’t representative of the entire relationship demographic in the real world. It also isn’t representative of all relationships. I think this is the danger of forums such as this in the same way there is a danger to believe everything that is said in one newspaper is representative of an entire nation’s views or experiences or goings on.

There are many women out there who have never had to come to this site or wanted to.

Please don’t lose faith in the male gender because you are seeing them only through the lens of Mumsnet or other such forums.

I disagree.

Mumsnet is invaluable, it gives support for women who may have no where else to turn.

However it is not all men, I have seen many posts about the dreaded MIL!

There are also male dominated forums where men complain about women. That is their safe space as this is for many women.

Lived experience and life have given me a bad impression of the male sex in general.

I think there's a danger that it's an echo chamber, where the prevailing view confirms the prevailing view, without external input. Daily Telegraph comments make you think that the country is in danger of being taken over by foreign marxists. Look at the Guardian equivalent and you'd conclude we're in the grip of a fascist coup.

I agree OP - but what often surprises me more than men behaving badly is how many women are prepared to put up with all that shit - I’m not talking serious abuse or emotional manipulation obviously, but the enormous amount of posts referring to ‘lazy’ husbands and ‘manchildren’ do baffle me - ‘poor me, I have to clean up after my husband all the day and do all the childcare because he doesn’t know how to do these things...’ Well what on earth possessed you to cohabit/ marry/ have kids with a pathetic and useless person like that in the first place??

@FiddlesticksAkimbo

Echo chamber is a wonderful descriptor!

YABU, it’s common sense- posters want to talk about problems not brag about having a perfect life.

I agree it paints a poor picture of a lot of men. And I also know of many selfish, abusive men in real life. The longer I have been alive, the more I start to feel like kind, good men are few and far between. It is very disappointing to be honest as I am such a romantic.

@yulet you dont know what you're talking about as Reddit is far too large of a site to be defined by one characteristic. There are many predominantly women spaces on Reddit.

I dont think anyones saying MN should be banished just that you have to be objective about the site and not let it be necessarily be a defining factor that shapes your world view. Theres 100,000s if not millions of visitors and nobody really talks about the good stuff be it men or inanimate objects and often times if there is a post about men or something that is negative and you post something positive then you get berated for boasting. Some posters hate that men even visit the website so its unlikely that they're gonna be posting anything positive.

Not just men, I don't think anyone comes up smelling of roses on MN!

I have to agree with another poster.
It just confirms what I see in real life. And I find it really fucking depressing

I would expect 90% of posts moaning about men and portraying them as being total scums are just the expression of differences and were the man be the one posting, a totally different picture would appear.

That's the reason why so many couple fail, because each are much more concerned about getting validation that their view is right and their partner is wrong than trying to appreciate that every situation will be perceived differently and it doesn't mean one is very right and the other very wrong. If people spent more time listening than demanding their way, people would be much happier.

YANBU
It makes me appreciate DH who is lovely- kind, caring and an equal partner in everything including housework, mental load and child rearing- a great deal!
If you believe MN there are a great many man-children out there and for some bizarre reason women are marrying/ living with them and allowing them to impregnate them

Having been on MN for a few year my view of women has gone down - massively.

What MrsTerryPratchett said.

@frustratedtellylamp I know exactly what I'm talking about, thanks, been on there for years.

There is a HUGE predominant bias towards men and male views.

A few subreddits exist which call out bullshit like mumsnet does but they are few and far between, and mocked by others.

If you think anything else then you're not looking at which views tend to get upvoted and which ones tend to get downvoted. Relationship advice is almost always "she's the bad one" as its men posting more than women.