If you have split from your child’s other parent...

[Ballbag9]

Do they contact you between visitation and if so how often and what for?

This is an AIBU but I’d like to know the above without giving my circumstances as I’m unsure if the history is making me think differently.

Thanks

Are you in the UK? If so, the correct terms are "residence" and "contact" - you are using American terminology.

My husband has kids with his ex and they communicate entirely via email. It's entirely reasonable for a non-resident parent to have some ability to communicate with the resident parent. For example, if both parents have PR, they should be having equal input into important decisions about schooling, healthcare etc. Email is a good channel as it gives you time to think about your response, and there's a written record of what has been decided.

Yes all the time

Surely depends how amicable the split was?
If you just drifted apart or were really just friends at the end rather than lovers then yes completely acceptable? (Depending on content of what they are contacting you about I suppose?)

Yes, daily but we are good friends. We communicate about the children but also chat. It’s reasonable to want to know how your child’s day was when they’re with the other parent and to communicate things like ‘Melissa’s violin lesson has changed to 2pm’

none other than arranging the next contact. He's completely disengaged with parenting though and I swear only sees them because his parents push him to.

Yes all the time & with DD's stepmum too!

Yes a lot of the time, but we’re good friends too.

I also chat to DD’s step-mum regularly

Conversations are about both child and non-child related things.

Daily by WhatsApp about DS and how he is

Sporadically via WhatsApp, mostly about DC and next visit, school etc but he does tend to contact me just to chat, try and find out what I'm doing, whinge about his life etc which I largely ignore.

Never. My son has serious mental health issues and he never rings to see how hes doing. His father has a new girlfriend and that seems to have taken a priority even though almost died in March and when he recovered he promised me he would be a better father/role model for our son. Sometimes I think my son would be better off if his dad had died because that would be easier than him not bothering with him now.

Only if needed. We “catch up” at handover once a week and will send a message if there’s something the other needs to know urgently but that’s infrequent. Once a fortnight maybe? Sometimes more sometimes less. We don’t routinely inform oneanother about what’s going on and would never chat socially. We are not friends but civil in the main.

Yes quite frequently, usually to sort things like who's going to a school event, needing to change drop-off/pick-up time slightly for some reason, about a child being upset about something, asking for something back that DC left at his house etc.

Almost entirely by email or text as he has a tendency to "forget" / ignore what I said, gaslight and pretend I never said it etc or that he told me something he didn't (part of the reason he's an ex!) and conversations can get irate. Now it's all in writing and I can show him what he/I said if he starts up.

My ex is abusive so we only really “speak” via a contact book at handover (which I write in and he never does) and I have a separate phone for him so he doesn’t know my main number. So no, we don’t speak between his contact weekends. All of this was agreed in court.

He has our eldest’s number. He has never once messaged or rang her to ask how she is, or her sibling, when they are home with me. This is most likely because he is a lazy, self-centred waste of oxygen.

Once a week a text to say “How are the kids?” is nice. We don’t do that with SD’s mummy and My ex-fb doesn’t do that either. We see the kids often enough and can chat to them about their week/weekend, we don’t needs the other parents version of it. X

Ex-fb Ex-dh obviously x

No, I don’t generally have any contact with my ex, and not usually at swap time either as my kids are teens and don’t need me involved. But so saying i do have an amicable relationship with my ex so if I need to contact him about the kids, I can. But he’s an ex for a reason, he’s not my friend and I don’t want to contact him unless necessary.

Daily WhatsApp. We separated when our child was very young. I imagine as the years ago by it will decrease.

We only contact one another if we need to pass information on/seek agreement on something, and to arrange contact days as the days change every week.

He tends not to contact me but does reply to my texts. That said, he never contacts the dc either but does reply to their texts. It's pretty amicable, he's just uncommunicative in general I think.

My ex and I exchange texts a few times a week generally. Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on circumstances. Usually just passing on info or making arrangements to drop kids off/pick them up as the children's social life and clubs (plus ex's work pattern) means things change sometimes. Sometimes it's just chat, as we try to keep things amicable. Sometimes it's not so amicable but we try for the sake of the children. Sometimes I won't hear much from him for weeks and vice versa, if it's not needed. I wouldn't say we're 'friends' as such, but we are related now so need to stay in touch for at least the next 15 years or so.

My OH has 2 kids with his ex, and they exchange Whatsapps when necessary and send pics of the kids to the other parent as and when.

Not every day, but probably once of twice a week.

Nope. Unless the plans are changing on a sunday when the boy comes.

My DH thinks its ok to give short notice so ive made him now give it in advance.

Once every month or two months - sometimes 3 - when he remembers he has not seen them or his wife reminds him he has other kids or they are needed to go to a family party but that is it. He will email or text and ask if they are free and arrange a collection time. We chat at the door when he drops them back (same day, they dont go overnight) and things are amicable but he has no other involvement and doesnt want any either.

He used to ring her every couple of days on the landline and obviously we would have a brief chat sometimes. Now she has her own phone he rings her direct- much easier!

@YouWhoNeverArrived

Are you in the UK? If so, the correct terms are "residence" and "contact" - you are using American terminology.

What a wanky thing to say! Who in god's name do you think you are? So what if OP is using American terminology, this is Mumsnet not bloody Court! Get out of your own arse!!!! 😂

Anyway, OP, I have practically no contact with my ex. The occasional text if he can't do a particular weekend but that's it. Tbh it just hasn't been necessary. He's far more likely to contact DS directly.