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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell colleague his coffee is bad for him?

108 replies

BeautyThief · 12/09/2019 20:17

It sounds bad I know, but we have a coffee machine in the office that we rent. I read the ingredients in the powdered milk that makes the coffees and the main one is hydrogenated vegetable oil. It’s supposed to be really bad for us and has been banned in some countries. He has about 4 cups of it every day, I know because I’m right next to the machine. He has heart problems and is on medication for these and is in his early sixties.

I don’t particularly get on with him and are not that friendly but I can’t help but worry when I see him drinking all that coffee! It’s ridiculous isn’t it? But that oil can’t be doing him much good...should I mention it?!

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 12/09/2019 20:41

Don’t drop any hints. Subtle or not. If he chooses to drink this coffee then it’s absolutely none of your business. Don’t assume you know better. Rude.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/09/2019 20:42

So you think dropping a hint is the way to go when so many posters have told you to mind your own business?

You would get right on my nerves if you did that to me and I'd tear a strip off you. Why do you think you have the right to impinge on other people's freedom to do what they want when it doesn't affect you at all?

breaconoptimist · 12/09/2019 20:43

unshriven as long as it is a conscious decision and not a mistake, I’d be fine with that. The only reason I’d mention is the risk he just has no clue. People smoking know they are damaging themselves, I wouldn’t send them an article as they absolutely know.

Assuming he knows makes me a bit uncomfortable - he probably does but it’s not a definite like smoking.

Ponoka7 · 12/09/2019 20:44

"And maybe drop the odd hint here and there."

Don't do that, you'll be 'that' colleague.

He's in his 60's, he can decide what he puts in his body.

I'd ask the manager if it's possible to get alternatives, though. But only if you want coffee.

dollydaydream114 · 12/09/2019 20:44

He's an adult and can decide for himself what coffee he drinks without being patronised by random work colleagues.

soulrider · 12/09/2019 20:45

Realistically, how much powdered milk goes into making a coffee?

breaconoptimist · 12/09/2019 20:45

Ok slightly puzzled at the unanimous view that the man has made a fully informed decision myself! I’d definitely want alternatives

Unescorted · 12/09/2019 20:46

All he would hear is "Coffee bad for me blah blah blah, this person thinks they know better than me, dickhead, blah blah blah blah. Have they not shut up yet.... really please stop making noise & what is this to them...."

He may know and not care, he may not know but in either case you will not be thanked.

Whitejasmine · 12/09/2019 20:49

Does coffee mate have this life threatening crud in it too? If so I’m gutted - I love coffee mate!

slashlover · 12/09/2019 20:49

How would you feel if he commented every time you ate/drank something?

ReanimatedSGB · 12/09/2019 20:50

FFS. Beak. OUT. You are not his mum, his doctor or his owner. It has absolutely sod all to do with you. No one appreciates food police in the work place, and getting told to fuck off would be no more than you deserve.

YeOldeTrout · 12/09/2019 20:50

I don't think they're illegal anywhere... they are naturally occurring in some foods, for one thing.
But there are legal limits to how much can go into some kinds of processed food.

I'm leaning towards YANBU, actually, but don't expect people to like the messenger.

ItsGoingTibiaK · 12/09/2019 20:51

How much hydrogenated oil does the coffee contain? How much is a dangerous amount? What’s the rest of his diet like? What’s his diagnosis and prognosis?

Sounds to me like you’re trying to sound superior while actually talking from a place of ignorance.

SirTobyBelch · 12/09/2019 20:53

I was buying ibuprofen (for my arthritis) with my weekly shop at Aldi once. The check out assistant informed me they raise your risk of stroke. Arse

Yes, but it raises the risk much less than prescription alternatives like diclofenac or celecoxib. If you went to the doctor she/he would prescribe naproxen or ibuprofen. It's much cheaper to buy ibuprofen off the supermarket shelf than on prescription. Just make sure your GP knows you're taking it. It's not really a checkout assistant's place to point it out, but it's a bit concerning how feeble the warning on the packet is.

All drugs (including caffeine, alcohol, etc.) carry risks. Absolutely no exceptions.

Teateaandmoretea · 12/09/2019 20:53

I can't get my head around the constant modern obsession with handwringing over things being bad for us. Just live life and let him live his, I'm sure if coffee mate was that dangerous his doctor would have warned him.

Jollitwiglet · 12/09/2019 20:53

I don't think people drink multiple cups of coffee a day for health benefits

Petrichor11 · 12/09/2019 20:54

Mind your own business! I can’t imagine it being more than a tiny amount anyway, and even if he was chugging bottles of the stuff it’s none of your business

Original poster

BeautyThief · 12/09/2019 20:55

Right ok no hints then!! Can I just reiterate that the ONLY reason I’ve even considered saying something is if he doesn’t know how bad it is for you. Another colleague smokes for example and there is no way I’d ever even slightly mention anything to her about it being harmful. I don’t think anything of it because I’m 100% certain she’s making an informed decision.

Just wanted to say that because I am not a busybody who likes to interfere with people’s life choices, I tend to think crack on with pretty much anything anyone does. I think maybe it’s just because I hear him talking about his health a lot and how he worries about his heart and he has grandchildren etc and wants to be healthy for them. But there is no way of me coming out of this looking helpful if I make a comment.

I will leave it, thanks for the replies they’ve helped a lot

OP posts:

GotRearEnded · 12/09/2019 20:58

If it was me I'd have no idea that the powdered milk had the horrible oil in it and I'd want to know.

So YANBU.

I'd be more upset that a colleague knew this shit was in the powdered milk and didn't tell me!

I don't see it as you telling someone not to drink something, I see it as you giving someone information that they didn't previously have that could help their health. He can ignore the info or not, up to him, but if he doesn't have it he can't act on it.

Original poster

BeautyThief · 12/09/2019 20:59

@ItsGoingTibiaK I don’t know how much it contains but it was the first or second ingredient listed - can’t remember now - which means it contained the highest percentage out of all of them.

I don’t know how much is dangerous, or even if it is for everyone...probably not for most people. I don’t mean to sound superior, I actually have very low self esteem and this guy is the opposite to that and would have no issue with telling me to piss off! He is very assertive. I’m coming from a place of genuine care believe it or not.

OP posts:

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/09/2019 21:03

Don't interfere, he's an adult.

One of my colleagues nagged me about drinking full sugar Coke and told me I should look on YouTube for videos of the damage the sugar does as I would never drink it again. I pointed out that I have 1 or 2 cans a week and don't drink alcohol so I'm really not worried and would they please leave me to it. Thankfully it hasn't been mentioned again.

Original poster

BeautyThief · 12/09/2019 21:04

@GotRearEnded Thank you! That’s what I was trying to get across, I imagined it the other way around and how I’d feel if I was drinking loads of it and no one told me haha!

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 12/09/2019 21:05

@SirTobyBelch oh I know that, so far brufen works for me most of the time and I avoid taking it every day, just on bad days. Im in Scotland so no prescription fees here but they're so cheap I think it's crazy to take them from the nhs.
I just thought he was a cheeky git "ohhh you shouldn't take them, they raise your risk of stroke". I wanted to tell him if I wanted medical advice, I don't think the first place I'd go is the check out at Aldi 😂

runoutofnamechanges · 12/09/2019 21:09

Partially hydrogenated oil is bad for you as it increases LDL cholesterol/decreases HDL cholesterol (and increases the risk of heart disease) but fully hydrogenated oil is no different from saturated fats. Manufacturers have largely switched to fully hydrogenated oils.

You can't tell him that it is bad for him, that's not your place, but you could tactfully inform him of the ingredients in case he doesn't realise in a casual conversation eg "I've just been checking out the ingredients as I'm on a diet/I was bored/some reason, I wonder if we should see if we can change the powdered milk we use in the coffee machine as this one is mostly hydrogenated oil - it's been banned in some countries because it can cause heart disease. I think I'll be sticking to black coffee now..."

I would get your facts straight first though...

Mrscog · 12/09/2019 21:09

The thing is you don't know what sort of heart problem he has, it might be nothing to do with blocked arteries, it might be structural or to do with electrical conduction. I wouldn't say anything.

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