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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at restaurant manager?

76 replies

Poptasmagorical · 12/09/2019 18:48

I took my parents and kids out for dinner tonight and when we were ordering, the manager tried to tell my 8yo that he couldn’t have chips on their own. At the time i thought he was joking so just explained to him that my DS is autistic and was about to get very upset. The manager said ‘you could have warned me’ like I should put a label on my DS or something! I went from thinking he was joking to thinking he was a bit rude, but no harm. Some people don’t know how to respond. Whatever.

However, when he brought the meals over he leaned down to me and asked if I’d seen the restaurant’s Facebook page. ‘It’s not a criticism, just an observation,’ he said as he walked back to fetch something. I looked up the Facebook page and the post he was referring to was the one that’s been doing the rounds about fussy eaters going blind. I was livid.

When he came back I told him I was really offended, and particularly when I’d already explained to him that chips are the only thing on their menu that my DS eats. He got a bit shirty and told me I couldn’t take offence because he didn’t intend any. Eventually he just snapped ‘I apologise’ and walked away.

AIBU to think it was disgusting of him to do that? Even if he hadn’t known my DS is autistic, it’s none of his business what my family eat (and it definitely won’t be his business now as I won’t be going back!).

My Mum thinks I was BU because he was just trying to point out that good nutrition is important. (I’m also a bit pissed off that when I went to the loo and the manager went across and spoke to her about not wanting to offend me she told him not to worry about it, but that’s another AIBU.)

It’s a village restaurant that’s technically a pub, if you know the kind I mean, so we had paid when we ordered. I think I would have just walked out if we hadn’t.

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 12/09/2019 20:03

Bet he wouldn't have said anything had you ordered a massively calorific starter, main course and pudding for your son!

My kids often just have chips if that's all they fancy. It's not his place to comment !

Pebbles16 · 12/09/2019 20:05

Complain. Please complain

Leflic · 12/09/2019 20:13

Its got fuck all to do with him what his customers eat.

Erm. He’s the restaurant manager.” What customers eat” would be his job. If he doesn’t want the sort of place where customers just come in and order chips that’s up to him and his spreadsheet.

Original poster
Poptasmagorical · 12/09/2019 20:13

Thanks everyone. I am going to complain because it’s not fair that I had to eat my meal with Adrenalin coursing through my veins. DS’s diet is very limited and I beat myself up about it every single day, even though I know it’s nobody’s fault. The very few things he does eat don’t make up a bad diet nutritionally, but the only things we can get when we’re out are chips. I almost feel angry with myself for justifying it to that twat but I didn’t want him to upset DS.

To the pp who told me to get over it - I really wish it were that simple. This man will be in contact with countless people with hidden disabilities and differences, and how many of them will he make feel like shit too? And honestly, do you know how many things I already have to ‘just get over’ whilst helping DS navigate this world?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/09/2019 20:14

The only acceptable comment for him to make would have been “Is there anything that’s not on the menu we could make for him? I can ask the chef for you” - and the comment about the FB page was very offensive.

vvvvvvf · 12/09/2019 20:16

Your mum sounds like mine! You were right to be annoyed. He shouldn’t be telling your child what he can or cannot order. It annoys me when my mum downplays my feelings all the time and tells me I’m over-reacting

mbosnz · 12/09/2019 20:16

OP, I'm a ditty person, and sometimes I have a ditty appetite. I have got so tired of being shamed for not eating my meal 'all up' when I'm out.

You know what? Part of what we pay for is the privilege of eating as much as we like of what we like, and it's not for those who are being paid by our bill to admonish us about it.

Booboostwo · 12/09/2019 20:19

What an arsehole! I hope your DS didn’t hear him! That kind of comment can put my DS off one of his safe foods. An idiot told my DS the other day that if he eats sweets his teeth will fall out and he looked at me in terror. Luckily he didn’t drop sweets from his list - when a child is not eating all food is good food.

Sirzy · 12/09/2019 20:22

Ds is autistic and also has an eating disorder (arfid) for a long time all he would eat when out for a meal was fries (not chunky chips!) which was never an issue. Now he has a side salad with no dressing. Again never an issue.

WeeDangerousSpike · 12/09/2019 20:29

Appalling customer service. Appalling.

I grew up in pubs, I'm stunned he can have thought any of that was appropriate.

And to say 'you can't be offended because I didn't mean to be offensive' ?! WTAF is he on about?!

I'd trip advisor the fuck out of it, never go back, and let your DM deal with the fall out if she still thinks someone who was so bloody horrible to her grandson deserves her money.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 12/09/2019 20:47

He is being a dick. Maybe he would have a reason to say something if you brought your son in and bought him chips for breakfast lunch and dinner every day. But it's a bit weird lecturing you on good nutrition when most people go to restaurants for a treat and eat things they wouldn't at home...and treats are fine in a balanced diet. And it's a diet that needs to be balanced not an individual meal. Maybe he should open a raw vegan cafe if he feels that strongly about nutrients.

Lipz · 12/09/2019 20:54

Absoutely appalling. I have a severely disabled dd and the amount of crappy judgement comments we get are huge. I get some people don't know what to say in some circumstances however you can tell the difference in them compared to the rude arseholes out there who just think they know it all and like the sound of their own voice.

I wouldn't put a complaint on his FB page as he can delete it, put it on trip advisor, he can't edit it there at all and it's there for every future potential customer he has.

I do think in this situation he is not going to acknowledge a complaint directly from you to him, so I wouldn't waste my time there, he sounds like he is a dick and there's no changing that attitude.

Leflic · 12/09/2019 23:21

But he wasn’t being judgemental about the disability was he?

The restaurants policy is not to serve just chips, probably for financial reasons. Not because they want a policy to exclude disabled people. ( and lots of autistic children eat more than chips).And if don’t tell them a good reason why you want to go against their policy, what do you expect?
The Facebook page was obviously already up ( it made headline news and obviously works in a resturants favour that doesn’t do just chips) ) He didn’t want you thinking they were judging your child so brought it up first. And apologised.
What bit was disgusting?

Willow2017 · 12/09/2019 23:38

The restaurants policy is not to serve just chips, probably for financial reasons. Not because they want a policy to exclude disabled people. ( and lots of autistic children eat more than chips).And if don’t tell them a good reason why you want to go against their policy, what do you expect?

But they do serve just chips to other customers.
What's his excuse for making op feel bad that her child only wanted chips Then? Oh yes she is a woman. He thought he should advise the poor woman on how to.. feed her own child and show off how clever he was didn't He?
Really None of his business what a guest eats if they are paying for regular food that he sells daily whether they are a child or an adult. Bet he wouldn't tell some 6' rugby player on a Saturday afternoon that chips were bad for him would He?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/09/2019 23:42

@Leflic - the OP has said that the restaurant does serve chips on their own - she wasn’t going off menu. And I think your interpretation of why he pointed out the thread on their FB page is very generous - I think it is far more likely to be a passive aggressive dig at her parenting. Otherwise his apology would not have been ‘snapped’ at the OP - she would have felt it was a genuine apology, which she clearly didn’t.

Original poster
Poptasmagorical · 13/09/2019 07:09

To the pp who misssed where I said it wasn’t off-menu and suggested it might be for financial reasons, I’ve just realised that actually his bowl of chips cost more than his brother’s whole meal because they had a ‘kid’s meal for £1’ offer on.

OP posts:
PickTheLock · 13/09/2019 08:38

Erm. He’s the restaurant manager.” What customers eat” would be his job. If he doesn’t want the sort of place where customers just come in and order chips that’s up to him and his spreadsheet

Erm... So sorry but I think you know what I meant.

proseccoaficionado · 13/09/2019 13:37

My nephew will only eat fries when we're out. Never had a problem! What a rude approach. And the fb page bang out of order. Leave a review & complain.

MustardScreams · 13/09/2019 13:43

Name and shame or it didn’t happen.

dollydaydream114 · 13/09/2019 13:50

Regardless of your son having ASD, if a bowl of chips is on the menu he is entitled to order it. You are the paying customer and you were also ordering at least three adult meals so he can’t even claim that you were taking up a table just for the price of the chips. Hell, I’m a grown woman who eats pretty much anything but sometimes I just fancy bloody chips!

He is an arsehole who clearly thinks he is ‘a character’.

KUGA · 13/09/2019 14:18

YANBU.
Its not his place to say who can eat what,and if chips are on the menu whats the twats problem ?.
If mumsnet would allow you it give us the name etc of the place and I will not go their,unless I wanted an argument hahaha.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 13/09/2019 14:27

I can kind of stretch to understanding him if it was only the first comment. Sometimes as a waitress I could tell thay a parent was really trying thi get their kid to order something more balanced than just chips, and I would make a supportive/encouraging comment. Some parents even outright ask us to lie and say we won't serve X on the menu which can be dicey because the kids ate often more switched on than the parent thinks! Blush

If however I'd have got it wrong, I'd have grovelled and apologised profusely and genuinely been mortified! Blaming you is preposterous, pointing you to that Facebook is even worse!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2019 16:26

@MustardScreams - I really dislike the ‘names/details-I-want or it didn’t happen’ line - it smacks of emotional blackmail.

If you think the OP is a troll, MN policy is to report, not to troll hunt on threads. If you don’t think she is lying, then it is pretty off for you to try to force her into giving up details she hasn’t already given.

Mydogmylife · 13/09/2019 16:37

@Leflic
But a serving chips on their own IS on the menu though- this chap seems to have just taken on himself to comment on this choice with a rather snotty reference to case that has nothing to do with op.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/09/2019 16:45

In your complaint include:

  • He judged you
  • He tried to argue with an 8 year old, instead of talking to the parents
- He directed you to the facebook page for some nasty education because It’s not a criticism, just an observation he obviously knew better than you
  • He greatly impinged on your enjoyment of the evening
  • He didn't actually apologise because you couldn’t take offence because he didn’t intend any
  • He was an out and out dick and that reflects on them very badly

Be very factual, bullet points are good! Go to it!

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