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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to expect to be back at work so quickly?

83 replies

NotMyRealName11 · 12/09/2019 14:34

I've been in hospital for the last few days with viral meningitis - although it's getting better now and I am starting to feel slightly less awful!

I was supposed to be going back to work after maternity leave at the end of the month but had to accept that this is not going to be possible! But, my line manager called me this morning and left a voicemail saying please can I aim to be back for the second week of October because they really need me back by then, as the person who's been covering cannot stay on.

I want to be a good employee and I want to be reliable when I come back after maternity... but I'm worried that it is unreasonable to expect that I'll be completely recovered by then. I am going back 0.6 rather than FT, but even so. Does anyone have any experience of viral meningitis and how long recovery takes? The doctor I spoke to said it can vary a lot. I just don't want to speak to my line manager at the moment, but I know that she is just going to keep calling till I do...and obviously she does really need to know.

OP posts:
SweetMarmalade · 12/09/2019 19:29

Texting or emailing is absolutely fine.

Once you’ve sent it you’ll feel less stressed.

You can’t possibly commit to a firm date yet so please don’t feel bad.

Rest up & wishing you a speedy recovery Flowers

bridgetreilly · 12/09/2019 19:32

I would actually point out to your manager that if she doesn't stop harassing you while you are IN BLOODY HOSPITAL you will report her to HR.

Myriade · 12/09/2019 20:20

It’s ok to send a text.
I would say something along the lines of
‘I am still in hospital and quite unwell at the moment. My consultant said it could take up to 6 weeks. I will let you know when I am out of hospital. I hope that by that time, I will have a better idea of what’s going on’

Dinomom52 · 12/09/2019 21:42

I had viral meningitis 2 years ago.

Spent 9 days in hospital before release.

I was off work for 3 months. I tried to go back sooner, but couldn’t cope. I over did it so much I needed readmitting to hospital for another 4 days.

Please don’t go back to work if you don’t feel well enough.

I found the not being able to sit up, faded after about a week, but I’ve had ongoing symptoms for 2 YEARS.

Some people seem to just shake it off & carry on. Others don’t.

Speak to meningitis now -they’re online. They have forums & a Facebook page. While bacterial is more likely to be fatal, you’ve still had a serious illness. You need to recuperate at your own pace.

Pamplemousecat · 12/09/2019 22:02

Actually you sound really poorly if you can only sit up for a few minutes. Tell work in an email “ unfortunately due to individual recovery times varying and still being in hospital I can’t give you a guarantee that I will be well enough to return by xxx. I will obviously give you updates as to how I’m feeling when I feel able to and when I have further information. I will be in touch soon. “

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 12/09/2019 22:23

@Myriade, thank you! I pretty much sent your text word for word, with a little add-on. I'm not getting let out tomorrow unfortunately because my blood counts were apparently not good... So it's hard to tell how quickly the recovery will be but I'm just trying to relax and not be too self-pitying!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 12/09/2019 22:56

@Dinomom52 poor you! That sounds awful, I hope you're well recovered now. But, please don't take this the wrong way, I'm kind of relieved to hear that I'm not the only person who has had this weird sitting up thing.

It's odd - I'm ok with light and screens and reading, but if I try to sit up I just get horribly dizzy and the worst headache.

I hope the message I sent my manager will fix up things.

OP posts:
Dinomom52 · 13/09/2019 05:49

It was grim, op so I feel your pain. Sounds very much the same. Did you have a lumbar puncture?

I would look up meningitis now. They’re a charity and gave me a more realistic view of how long recovery would take. I found them very helpful

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 13/09/2019 06:06

Yes, I did - on the day I got admitted. I will look them up, thank you for the tip!

OP posts:
MrsMozartMkII · 13/09/2019 06:19

How you doing lass? Hope you had a decent night.

NearlyGranny · 13/09/2019 06:28

Shocking behaviour from line manager to be pressing you on return to work date when you're actually on the ward!

Does HER line manager know she's pestering you? Hospital should probably take your phone away, OP, as this sort of thing could set you back.

Tell your consultant work is pestering you to commit to a return date and stand well back. On second thoughts, stay lying down and pull covers over your head!

Has work sent flowers and a big get well card? It's in your contract that they have to, you know. Flowers

Dinomom52 · 13/09/2019 06:32

They also do a fact sheet about viral meningitis that you can pass to your employers. It might help.

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 13/09/2019 07:32

I didn't have a great night because my temperature went back up super high, but I feel better this morning. Just a bit wiped out because I didn't really sleep, but I'm going to sleep for a bit now. I got ticked off by the nurse for stressing out and getting in a state, so I'm really going to try harder to be chilled and just take things step by step.

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 13/09/2019 12:46

I know you've texted, but if you feel up to it I'd email her and copy HR.

Hi Jane

I got your voicemails, but I'm not up to returning your calls at the minute. I'm still in hospital and no sign of getting out.

I absolutely intend to return to work as soon as I am well enough, but unfortunately I have no idea of when that will be. I've never felt so ill to be honest. My consultant has said recovery from viral meningitis can take up to six weeks so while I would like to be back to work by mid October I just can't guarantee anything at this time.

I've copied hr as I don't know the procedures for taking sick leave while on maternity and thought it best to get the ball rolling.

I'll update you further when I have a better idea of a recovery time, but for now I just need to rest.

Talk soon,

OP

That way HR know what's going on, including that you're being hassled while in hospital. It also makes clear that you're not being awkward.

All the best OP, you really shouldn't be worrying about work right now.

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 13/09/2019 16:16

Thank you! It's so nice of you all to supply me with ideas and wordings, especially since it feels like I can't basically write a sentence which makes sense! As you can probably tell...

I just wrote an email to line manager / cc HR and said more or less that, also that I hope I can give a better update at some point next week and I'll check my emails as and when that's the case (hopefully that will stop her calling!).

OP posts:
MrsMozartMkII · 13/09/2019 16:20

You're doing incredibly well!

Would audio books be any good for you?

SweetMarmalade · 13/09/2019 20:43

How are you OP?

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 13/09/2019 21:15

So-so! I'm actually feeling a lot better than this morning but apparently my blood tests are worrying Confused So, no change for now!

OP posts:
Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 13/09/2019 21:15

Thank you for asking :)

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 13/09/2019 21:38

it feels like I can't basically write a sentence which makes sense

That sounds like the ideal email/text to send. It might help get the idea across that you'd be a liability at work until sufficiently improved.

Basketofkittens · 13/09/2019 21:43

Why would you care what work think? Would they care if you died?

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 13/09/2019 22:13

Lol, I'd like to think that it would be at least a mild inconvenience to them :D

OP posts:
Sunshine93 · 13/09/2019 22:24

I knew it as you as soon as I read the thread title. I read your last thread. Please tell her you may be off for a while and she should arrange cover then get advice from a doctor on recovery time and get formally signed off.

If you try and do things too soon you will lengthen your recovery time and this will impact on your family and your job far more than if you just take time to recuperate.

Send one email then forget about it. Any stress won't be good for your recovery

It seems selfish to us mums but actually the kindest thing you can do now is put yourself first and focus on recovering.

SweetMarmalade · 14/09/2019 02:32

Sorry your bloods are worrying Sad You shouldn’t have to be stressing about work on top of all this.

Hope your line manager will now leave you in peace.

Flowers
Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 14/09/2019 10:10

The HR manager (no less!) emailed me and said that my line manager shouldn't have been contacting me and from now on, I should communicate with her (HR) to manage the situation.

The thing with the blood tests is still concerning, apparently, so they need to do a biopsy to make sure there's nothing else going on. I am trying not to stress- and I am very definitely feeling a little better!

OP posts: