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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 10 is still too young for a mobile phone.

87 replies

from123toabc · 12/09/2019 11:08

DC is 10 this month and has just gone into yr5.
The battle for getting a mobile phone has ramped up a gear since the start of the new term.

Apparently all DC friends have phones and they are missing out as she can't chat to them outside of school so it is making her feel a bit pushed out of the friendship group.

I've always said DC doesn't need one until they start walking to school by themselves. Am I being mean? Is DC really the only 10 year old without a mobile?

OP posts:

pjmask · 12/09/2019 12:32

Op sorry i know I'm bypassing your main point but the situation with the traffic lights is completely unacceptable. Other children may have no choice but to cross there alone. Ask your local pcso/ traffic officers to do an observation there.

Madmamto4 · 12/09/2019 12:48

I could have wrote this myself. I have decide against getting him a phone and have agreed to get one for his 11th birthday.

ElizaPancakes · 12/09/2019 12:55

One kid in my twins year six classes has a phone (that I know of). They both want one; I’ve said no. I’m actually not hugely against it from a communication perspective - but we’ve seen behaviour deteriorate when they have access to phones and tablets. Obviously we don’t let them have them too much but sometimes if you’re distracted it can happen.

Mine turn 11 in January which is when we’ll be making some changes I think - walking home from school, maybe a phone, a bit more freedom - that sort of thing.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 12/09/2019 12:59

DS had his first phone just before he started secondary school.

Rezie · 12/09/2019 12:59

I don't have kids, but I've noticed around me that 7-8 yo get their first own phone

SunshineAngel · 12/09/2019 13:11

I got my first phone at 10, but then again all I could do was call and text. It was more for when I was playing out, and I rarely used it to communicate with friends.

My best friend got his daughter a phone when she was 9, and I thought it was too young, and she then struggled with social media bullying from other girls in her class. I honestly didn't believe how bitchy 10yo girls could be. It was shocking. They were telling her she was fat and ugly, and that she should kill herself.

It's so hard when they think they're going to miss out, but I would honestly want to shield my child from the world of screens for as long as humanly possible.

Starlight456 · 12/09/2019 13:21

I saw year 6 as a time to prepare for high school.

I found girls seemed to have phones earlier but in reality year 5 things are arranged through parents.

I think a break from all the He she said , he /she did is nice

BrokenWing · 12/09/2019 13:26

ds didn't get a smart phone until secondary school, but they were much less popular 5 years ago. He had a basic non-smart mobile in P6/P7 (yr 5/6). We are in Scotland where most children go to local catchment schools so friends live close by, we are in a quiet housing estate with no through road and kids play out from age 10 (and younger), at times he could be anywhere in the estate with friends. So as he had a lot of freedom and played out lots, a phone was great for keeping in touch, especially at dinner time! Also great at weekends for find out if friends were out and where they were, or making arrangements to meet up, as it was only text messages there were no group chats etc.

My first reaction to your op is no. But if ds was 10 now and his close friends already had one (check this!) and it was leaving him excluded from the friendship group, and arrangements they were making, I would probably get one and do the appropriate monitoring/rules on what was allowed.

TwoleftUggs · 12/09/2019 13:34

My dc both got phones at the summer holiday in between y5 and y6 as this was the time they started wanting to see friends etc, and then in y6 they were going to the park or the shop after school and walking home by themselves. Earlier than that felt too early to me, but they did both have tablets/iPods/Xbox before then so weren’t cut off from after school chat beforehand I suppose.

paxillin · 12/09/2019 13:40

We bought a phone in year 5, for walking home alone. Not a smart phone initially. We got the smart phone early in year 6. Most kids seemed to get a phone between year 5 and 6, only two didn't have one at the end of year 6.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 12/09/2019 13:44

Mine didn't have one until they went to secondary school. Others did but they weren't the only ones.

user1573354 · 12/09/2019 13:46

I got my DD an iPhone at 11 and really regret it. She is now 12 and has a brick phone for emergencies only and I have no plans for her to have a smartphone/tablet/laptop for a long time yet. Maybe 16? I think unsupervised access to the internet is a disaster for their mental health.

nonmerci · 12/09/2019 13:47

My DS has just got into year 5 and thankfully doesn’t care for a phone, I wouldn’t dream of getting him one either. They can have one when they go to secondary school.

littlepeas · 12/09/2019 13:51

For starting year 7 at the absolute earliest. If I can hold off any longer, I will. There’s barely anything good about them as far as I’m concerned - I can see that it’s helpful to be in contact when they’re out and about by themselves, but that’s it. I hate them. I wish I’d never got one for myself tbh.

codenameduchess · 12/09/2019 13:51

I think it's too young, but my own dd is much younger so no direct experience but there is so much they can access I believe the risks are too much at such a young age if not needed for contact, eg with separated parents or for walking alone to/from school.

My friends dd got a phone at 10, which I feel is very young. It's been almost a year now and they have had lots of problems, she'd been watching inappropriate videos (momo and other scary things and searched for videos of a sexual content), she's become withdrawn and moody, spends a horrific amount of time watching slime videos and will sneak her phone at night to stay up on it meaning she's tired the next day. She's also developed signs of anxiety since getting the phone that appear to be linked to content from Snapchat and tiktok.

BikeRunSki · 12/09/2019 13:55

DS got one last month. He was 10 and was going to middle school (Y6-Y8) and is now getting himself to/from school alone. His whole form do have phones; those who hadn’t previously got them for the move to middle school. I’d say there is only a need once children start travelling to school without adults.

Arrowfanatic · 12/09/2019 13:57

My daughter is 10 and a half & got a phone over the summer. Initally i was against it until high school, but she's been going to & from school alone & going to friends houses. One day she went missing after school as unbeknownst to us had decided to walk a friend home. I was beside myself with panic & she was devestated that she had worried me so much.

So, the phone stays with the teachers during school & she has used it a few times to let me know she's not coming straight home.

She chats to her friends some on it, and can chat with family who live far away & I'm happy she has it now.

Metalhead · 12/09/2019 14:01

DD1 has just started Y5 and we also got the “I’m the only one without a phone” speech, but 1) I know that’s not true, 2) I wouldn’t care if she was as 3) she’s not getting one until she starts looking after her stuff better and not lose everything!

Fatasfooook · 12/09/2019 14:02

Does nobody think of the risks with adorning your child with an expensive smart phone though? Making them a target for crime?

PullingMySocksUp · 12/09/2019 14:04

That’s part of the process though, learning not to walk around with it in your hand/back pocket.

NoSquirrels · 12/09/2019 14:14

Check with the other parents. My DC also said in Yr 5 that so-and-so has a phone, but largely it turned out to be bravado and no one really did!

I think Yr 6 is earliest, IMO.

You need to be able to trust them, but also helps if it’s young enough that they know it’s a privilege that can be easily revoked and that the rules are parents control the access to media, apps etc.

theconstantinoplegardener · 12/09/2019 14:17

I agree with you, OP. No need for a phone yet, especially since she's not walking to school on her own.

The more parents buy smartphones for their young DC, the harder it is for the remaining parents to say no, because once a certain critical mass of children in a class have phones then chatting/socialising via phone rather than in person becomes the norm and those who don't have phones feel left out. And this effect ratchets down so phone ownership becomes common at an increasingly young age. The younger the children, the more vulnerable they are to social media (including WhatsApp) and internet unpleasantness (not to mention the possible effects of mobile phones on bodies that are still growing). Yes, you can monitor their phones and place filters but by the time Mum or Dad has checked the child's phone, the mean message/inappropriate video from a classmate has already been seen and the damage is done.

birdsbehindclouds · 12/09/2019 14:26

My eldest is 8 and in year 4 and asked for a phone. I told him no and the earliest he would maybe get one is for Christmas when he is in year 6 because he will be walking home from school come spring.

Fridakahlofan · 12/09/2019 14:26

Hold off for as long as you can. Good luck!

pikapikachu · 12/09/2019 15:06

Does nobody think of the risks with adorning your child with an expensive smart phone though? Making them a target for crime?

You can get Smartphones for £20. My son is y8 and his peers started getting phones in y5/6. They all had their parents old phones or very cheap phones.

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