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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 10 is still too young for a mobile phone.

87 replies

from123toabc · 12/09/2019 11:08

DC is 10 this month and has just gone into yr5.
The battle for getting a mobile phone has ramped up a gear since the start of the new term.

Apparently all DC friends have phones and they are missing out as she can't chat to them outside of school so it is making her feel a bit pushed out of the friendship group.

I've always said DC doesn't need one until they start walking to school by themselves. Am I being mean? Is DC really the only 10 year old without a mobile?

OP posts:

PullingMySocksUp · 12/09/2019 11:31

I guess a first step would be to find out if all her friends genuinely are chatting via messages and she is really missing out.

Tweetingmagpie · 12/09/2019 11:32

@sailingclosetothewind at 10 children aren’t arranging their own social lives, the parents are usually still having some input, that’s the way it is round here anyway.

Fatasfooook · 12/09/2019 11:32

I think it’s a fine age for a mobile phone but not a smart phone. Why do we give our children smartphones? They don’t need one, a phone that texts and calls is all a child needs. Giving young children smartphones at such a young age is causing problems.

ThorosOfMyr · 12/09/2019 11:32

My DD has one for her 11th birthday. She's just started year 7 now and so had a phone for the last term of year 6. Be mindful of the fact that all kids say everyone has one and she's left out. My DD said that ad infinitum. When I asked around, guess what....everyone didn't have one. Only a few did. Then once she had her phone and we've been very careful which social media apps she is allowed, apparently the world and his dog has instagram or TikTok and we won't allow her those (she has WhatsApp and Snapchat, which I keep an eye on) so the tune is always the same. Make your decision OP based on what you think is best. And stick to it. Because she will always say she's being left out etc etc to get what she wants. And when they are 15/16 you'll not really be able to monitor their phone use as you can at 11. So you need to teach them healthy use now.

BertrandRussell · 12/09/2019 11:33

Why does walking to school mean they should have a phone?

I’m a fully paid up member of yes of course they should have phones if their friends do, by the way. I just don’t get the connection with walking to school.

User10fuckingmillion · 12/09/2019 11:34

Just get her a basic phone without internet etc. I had one like that from 11 and then a smart phone at 13 which I reckon is perfectly reasonable.

CassianAndor · 12/09/2019 11:34

DD has also just gone into Year 5. Hardly any of the kids have mobiles and those who do aren’t using them to chat online.

When she starts regularly walking to school alone she will get a brick Nokia to phone and text.

The opportunity for online bullying that online chat represents isn’t not one I’m sending my DD down. I don’t care if other parents are too dense to get that and more keen to be their DCs mate.

Coco89 · 12/09/2019 11:35

I have just ordered my soon to be 10 year old son a smart watch where I can ring him on and track where he is! I was thinking about a phone but I'm going to wait a bit longer! It's not that I dont trust him! I just dont trust everyone else! It's the world we live in unfortunately! He has also just gone into year 5

sailingclosetothewind · 12/09/2019 11:36

Do you know the parents? Ask them what their dds are doing. You don't need to commit either way.

My dd was in yr 7 before she had her own phone, and was not allowed to post on SM, so messaging friends only. However I think I left it too late, she was the last in her class. In future, I wouldn't be quite so worried about it all, as she is sensible child and has agreed with us about keeping safe.

I checked her phone regularly, she has parental controls and a strong policy on using phone just for a short time a day to say hi to friends and not after 7pm. It has worked well for us, she keeps in touch with her friends, it hasn't take over her life. She is 15 now, and still slightly indifferent. My younger dds have had a phone in a year six and that is where all of the weekend arrangements are planned between the girls. If she wasn't part of the whatsapp group it would be much harder for her socially.

Parker231 · 12/09/2019 11:36

Mine got one when they were 11 and started getting the Tube to school on their own. They often did after school clubs so being able to keep in touch was as much for my benefit as their social life. Access was controlled and it was mainly used to arrange meeting on their way to school or activities at the weekend.

Embracelife · 12/09/2019 11:37

You need to teach her how to cross dual carriageway safely. Always waiting. It will still be there when she is 12 13 14. Drill the safety into her. Show her.
Get her a basic mobile.

Batcrazymum3 · 12/09/2019 11:39

@from123toabc there is nothing wrong with that.
Before DH and I got the phone we discussed….

Do they look after things?
If we put rules in place are they likely to follow them
Will they tell us if they are getting messages that upset them Once we answered all these questions that’s when we decided to go for it. It has given DD a lot more freedom to go a little further afield with her friends and I have a tracker on the phone as well so I always knows where she is.

Also, IMO children need to be given a chance. If they misuse the privilege of the phone then you take it away. They are children and need to learn

BertrandRussell · 12/09/2019 11:39

“It's not that I dont trust him! I just dont trust everyone else! It's the world we live in unfortunately!”
What do you think is going to happen- and why do you think him having a phone would help?

sailingclosetothewind · 12/09/2019 11:43

tweeting Our dds have just turned eleven, and they along with their friends talk about the weekend and suggest watching a film or a sleepover all the time.
The children then ask parents, and we confirm either way.

So no, I would not say I make all of the arrangements now. Often dd will come to me and say xxx is having a sleepover on Saturday can she go etc. I will confirm with the parent via text usually. It is the first venture into independence.

Whatsapp is also used to talk about school worries/clothes for mufti day/prep for the evening etc. It is a great source of information between the children. It has been hugely positive for us, and certainly not a source of bullying or bad behaviour, I guess it largely depends on the peer groups and friendships dynamics.

Wixi · 12/09/2019 11:45

My DD9 (10 next month) has also been going on about getting a sim card (she uses old mobiles for games and as a camera), and how all of her friends have got one, but cannot actually name one! I've told her she will get one when she goes to secondary school as she will be getting the school bus so can let me know of issues, but until then doesn't need one to communicate with people that she has spent all day with!

Winsomelosesome · 12/09/2019 11:46

I suppose it depends on the 10 year old. Mine is mature and sensible and has a lot of freedom so yes he needs his phone to keep in touch when he's out and about/let me know when he'll be home etc. He's not much interested in social media though, just a couple of whats app groups where him and his friends arrange where/when to meet.

Batcrazymum3 · 12/09/2019 11:48

If it's not a smart phone you limit the amount you can monitor and control. Why not a smart phone? i don't know any "child" that uses text either. its all whatsapp and chat groups. If kids have access tablets, this just a small tablet with phone and message function.

Batcrazymum3 · 12/09/2019 11:51

but until then doesn't need one to communicate with people that she has spent all day with!

So she doesn't spend time with friend outside of break and lunch time in school? That seems a little harsh to me.

delilahbucket · 12/09/2019 11:52

My ds was 10 and in year 6 when he was allowed use of a mobile phone to contact his friends using WhatsApp. He was 11 when he got his own phone and it was near the end of year 6. His phone has always been monitored by me and he knows that. Phones were banned from primary school so he never took it, although he did walk home by himself. He takes it secondary now but they are not allowed to use phones on the school premises, so it is only for his bus journeys and then at home.

stayathomer · 12/09/2019 12:07

I was told when my child was 10 that everyone had a phone. Talked to parents and roughly half did, half didn't. 11 yo is getting one wehen he turns 12 more because he'll be changing schools and so I realised he'll be at a stage where he'll actually 'need' to be on social media as he has a chance to stat in contact with them, I will start looking into the best ways (if any) to be careful with mobile phones, with me I'm more afraid of them turning zombie eyed, as I'm a writer and blogger and know that too much time on a phone messes with your head and health. At my ds' birthday this year, half of those who had phones stared at them while others told them to get off them so everything always depends on the person. As for the walking to school thing, I don't know why it's a big deal for a 10yo to walk to school with their parent especially if there's a big road involved. Am in Ireland and they say here 12 is the age children are considered to have the reactions necessary for crossing busier roads, I know some younger kids have better street smarts than others ( my kids aren't great with roads)

RedskyLastNight · 12/09/2019 12:17

Bertrand my DC had a (basic) phone when they started walking to school so they could let me know if they'd decided to go the park/to X's house on the way home. Having the phone gave them the independence to make these choices on the fly.

It was also useful when DD fell off her bike, hurt her leg, mangled the back wheel and wasn't easily able to get herself home.

RedskyLastNight · 12/09/2019 12:21

I would say 14 at the earliest.

I presume you don't have a secondary school aged child? Leaving aside the fact that socialising is almost entirely via mobile phone, the school expects the DC to have access to apps online to do their homework/school work and to be able to take photos. Yes, they make provision for those that don't have one, but it makes their lives much more difficult.

MrsTWH · 12/09/2019 12:23

My 10 year old DS has a phone but he is in Year 6 and now walks home by himself - and he got the phone in the Summer. No need for one before then IMO.

herculepoirot2 · 12/09/2019 12:24

Smart phones for 10 year olds? World’s gone mad. Stick to your guns, OP.

JacquesHammer · 12/09/2019 12:25

DD has had a phone since she was 8. We’ve had no issues whatsoever and she has learnt to use is safely and with caution.

She has no social media as she is underage.

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