To be annoyed with husband following women in underwear in instragram

[springtimeishere]

Basically what he title says, he doesn't comment or like but seems to want to follow them.
I'm offended and feel embarrassed by him.
Also likes something called lamp lovers!
I have ocd and sadly this causes me to not trust my own judgement.

Normally, I'd not be bothered. But given the history of secretiveness and lies, messaging, etc, that you mention, it would be an issue. I'd not want to be with someone with that kind of history.

This is part of a bigger issue and that issue is that you don’t trust him. You say he has a history of secretiveness and lies, do you want to spend the rest of your life living in doubt about what he’s up to? It doesn’t make for a very happy relationship.

In my opinion the Instagram thing is a non-issue.

He's not messaging them and they're not people he knows so it's not as though he's cheating on you. It seems like you don't trust him anyway so there's no point in being with him

Completely true.
I just don't like it and think it's disrespectful.
Following somebody implies he want to see more of the same content, and I have no way of knowing if he messaged them.

I agree this isn't good when there's no trust.
We've been together 20 years and have 3 children so need to get my feelings and emotions in check.
Thanks for the replies everybody x

End of the day its my bed he gets in and out of everyday and me he comes home to.

That old chestnut. I've never understood this reasoning. Du you literally mean that your partner can do any old shit behind your back as long as he doesn't break up with you?

End of the day its my bed he gets in and out of everyday and me he comes home to

That old chestnut. I've never understood this reasoning. Du you literally mean that your partner can do any old shit behind your back as long as he doesn't break up with you?

I understand this to mean that actions speak louder than words. It doesn’t matter who somebody looks at so long as they don’t act on it. It’s not about putting up with ‘any old shit’. You don’t automatically stop finding other people attractive because you’re in a relationship but you certainly shouldn’t act on it.

I agree PapayaCoconut, it makes the woman sound like a jailer with very low self-esteem. A man would never say this and I don't understand why any woman would think so little of herself either. Sad.

Wow you talk about these women so awfully.

LampLovers is a bit of fun to start with.

And maybe these women on IG aren't professional models, some become professional, and some just enjoy it.
And why does it matter if they're paid or not anyway? The outcome is still the same.

Your husband is enjoying images of women in various states of undress. These women neither know nor care who your husband is. They're just being pretty scenery that he's enjoying.

Talk to your husband and explain you don't like it because of your self esteem issues. If he then decides to keep following them you can decide to live with it and work on your personal issues, or leave.

But don't be badmouthing the women he's following. This isn't their fault.

@PapayaCoconut not at all - if DH cheated he knows he'd be out on his ass. What I mean is he can look all he wants, same as I do, but it's me he shows affection to and comes home to.

I'm not bad mouthing anybody, when I say 'dirty attention seekers' I feel that is exactly what I'm looking at. Not the lamp thing but the users on instragram.
If you saw them then no doubt you'd likely agree. I'm sure he wouldn't want me posing like that for others and I certainly wouldn't want to see any of my family uploading images like that.

@kitty1184 What's suicide girls!?

@Lillyrosey not as sinister as it sounds - alternative girls with tattoos and stuff and they embrace all shapes and sizes

Ah I see @kitty1184 phew!

@springtimeishere Also want to add the women are like models - might be a bad choice of words but more like dirty attention seekers.

I think that's a pretty cr*ppy thing to say. The issue should be with your DP not these girls.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with this. If my DP was honest about it then fair enough but if it was some secret then it's different.

IG is full of semi naked celbs, it seems the rage but it shouldn't cause an issue in a relationship.

Dirty attention seekers?

Don't blame girls you don't even know because your husband is an untrustworthy sleezebag.

I wouldn’t like it as I’m a very insecure person but I probably wouldn’t kick up a fuss if he was just having a quick look as I know i’d be being unreasonable. If he was liking and commenting on loads of the pics then i’d find it disrespectful and would speak to him about it.

There was a thread on AIBU about Lamp Lovers just a few weeks ago.

Very tasteful, I think posters were assured.

Okay I'm sorry if I've been offensive.

I don’t know what lamp lovers is but I know the type of accounts on Instagram you mean OP and it’s not attractive models/ actresses/ influencers/ fitness accounts. It’s similar images to what you see in lads mags but mostly no nipples on show. I have a friend who follows 100s of these “babe” accounts and I always feel really bad for his wife who isn’t on insta and prob has no idea. I think it’s distasteful as it’s like Facebook in the way that whatever you like, comment on and follow is public. There’s a difference between admiring attractive profiles and liking what is basically wanking material in such a public way

YANBU, I’d be horrified if DH did this. It’s perverse and something teenagers do imo.

It wouldn’t bother me, my boyfriend follows guys he fancies on instagram, so do I. It’s no different to people watching a certain film/tv show because they fancy one of the actors.

Thank you for understanding @Appleprimrose
yes that's the ones, and I do thing it feels like being publicly degraded that they are following them. They're home now and very upset that I'm upset...but that's how it always goes, he deletes things and then does something else.
I think I should be alone as I have the worse case or paranoia and things like this just feed it.

They're not girls. They're WOMEN

They are attention seeking, but they aren't DIRTY

Can we please stop equating women's bodies and sexual being with dirt?

And I know exactly the type of account you mean, I stand by my comments.

I honesty believe that anybody that thinks it's okay doesn't actually know the content of the accounts.
It's not regular celebrities, or beautiful models doing a sexy shoot. It's like your neighbour caught in a very suggestive pose, done solely for sexual purposes. I'm sorry but these pictures are 'dirty'
To me this is worse than porn as these are people who have one click to message. It's too personal for my liking.
I have instragram but used it only for design idea for out house, ironically said husband never followed me!

I wouldn’t actually have believed these types of images were on Insta until I saw them in the bit where it shows what your followers like/comment on and one of my followers is always liking these types of pics. There are 1000s of these accounts I think, it’s grim. Hope your ok OP. I would explain to your DH exactly how it makes you feel, it would really bother me, I know how you feel