Everyday sexism or a genuine remark?

[EEmother]

Please tell me I am being unreasonable.
So the story.
I recently took two weeks of annual leave to send my children off to school.
Then there's this colleague. We are not working together closely a lot, just on one project, and I am probably a little bit more senior than him. I'd say we generally have a cool and distant working relationship.
We were chatting next to the coffee machine yesterday (probably the first informal chat we had ever together), the usual - "So you're back now, did you go somewhere nice?" - "Nah, just stayed home to manage the school start, my youngest starts reception, so it was a bit stressful" - "Ah you have children, I did not know that! So who is looking after them now?". Then after thinking a bit - "isn't it great that the company allowed you two weeks off to do the school run?".
The more I think about it, the more I feel that something was off about that conversation. He wasn't really interested to hear back about my childcare arrangements, and I doubt he'd say the same to a male colleague. I obviously do not plan to run screaming to the HR about this, but it will definitely colour my opinion of him.
So aibu to think that was an example of everyday sexism? Or could it be in good faith and innocent?

Asking a woman who is looking after the children is a sexist assumption, yes.

But not, in my opinion, after she has already signalled in the conversation that she was the one taking time off to manage the childcare. That’s just conversation.

It’s odd for him to suggest that the company gave you time off for it, but...

You confused me, with “PTO” as I’ve never seen that. Then you said it meant “Paid Time Off” and my first thought was - but OP said she was on annual leave in first post, so seems she wasn’t on annual leave, but some additional Paid Time Off, like Parental Leave. Then, I realised that annual leave is still time off which is paid. Makes me wonder if he’s made the same mistake - has vague idea of parental leave, and thinks that’s what you took? In which case, it’s quite possibly a genuine non sexist comment that it’s good that exists.

While the part time starts seem quite odd, I thought they were normal for everyone, because that's what my nephews did.

And when DN2 started a couple of years after his older brother, he was on part time and DN1 was on full time, and at the time DSis was doing the school run on foot, which meant that she had to walk nine miles a day to get them to school and back. Anyone would have time fitting that in as well as working. She did take a few days off and DM and her DH did a bit too when she went back to work.

Just a tip though, if you’re worried about sexism in the workplace... do not describe time off for school settling as “stressful” to a colleague.

I get why you took the time off, especially with your older daughter’s condition. I agree it sounds stressful!

But to a colleague, not a friend, who doesn’t have all that information you have just made it sound like you can’t cope with a pretty ordinary part of parenting life, without finding it stressful.

Just see the reactions you’ve had on here about it!

Be careful how you present yourself at work.

In my first graduate job, I offered to get the tea & coffee during a meeting. I was super keen and wanting to be seen to be helpful. It was normal for people to take it in turns to “get a round in”, though no strict turn taking rota. The HR Director took me aside later and (nicely) told me that I would face enough sexism without positioning myself as the subservient tea lady to begin with. She told me, fine - take your turn. But be mindful of not always being first up to do it - and in these early days of first impressions, don’t be first up at all!

In hindsight, to a colleague you don’t know well, I would have just said you’d just had time at home relaxing, not away. Not bring parenting into it, and definitely don’t bring stress into it!

Hope the settling in went well for both of them

I can see how my age comment looked like a huge generalisation and can absolutely see the irony. No offence intended so apologies there.

This comment and the rest of my post is however based on the dealings and experience I have of working and interacting with men of that age (granted more mid to late 50s). I get that my experience doesn't make it "the way it is".

I'm still leaning to sexism though

You confused me, with “PTO” as I’ve never seen that.
I think it could be an Americanism, but everyone uses it in my office (as American colleagues sometimes understood British "annual leave" as a maternity / sabbatical of a year's length).
I think it stands for Personal Time Off (as opposed to business travel / conferences), and is pretty much means "I won't be reading my emails until xxx date, and please please don't call my number with any work related questions".
The person making the comment is definitely aware of what it means.

@Ellisandra
Thank you for the comment, there's definitely a lot of truth in that.

Bloke was just filling the silence. I doubt he have a shite how holidays went whatever you were doing

The staggered intake sounds bonkers. An hour in class followed by a picnic Why are they doing home visits when the school term has already started? It all sounds very longwinded and quite unsettling for new starters to do an an hour here and there for so long.

I think most people (male or female) would think 2 weeks to settle a child into Reception was a bit odd but given the set-up you've described it makes sense. I'd probably have asked to work from home rather than use up weeks of annual leave but it's none of your colleagues business. It sounds as if he was just making conversation though.

There is a lot of casual sexism around child care and women at work. I was asked who's looking after the kids, would I be working part-time etc when I returned to the office and of course a man wouldn't be asked the same. A male colleague also felt the need to tell me about the report he read that said childcare damages young children and that's why his wife is a SAHM. Twat.