Another Nursery Issue!

[Treacletoots]

So DD has been in the same nursery since 6 months old and she is now over 2.5. She's for the most part been really happy.

Until recently, when a new child has started in her group who appears to be bullying most of the children, which we've heard from other parents about their experiences. The child repeatedly bites, pushes or otherwise physically assaults the children.

We've asked twice now what is happening to prevent and we've been reassured they are taking steps but this keeps happening.

I've asked for a one to one meeting to formally discuss as we now feel it's a safeguarding issue and they've not bothered to respond with a date. I asked what days the child is in so we can move around our childcare to avoid him being in the same days but they won't even advise us this.

We've frankly lost faith in their ability to resolve the issue or take seriously our concerns.

I've enquired at another local nursery, and they have spaces for one day that we want to cover when we know the other child is in but not yet the full week.

Aibu to move DD over part time to a new nursery until they have spaces full time or will this upset or confuse her more than dealing with this child?

He's new to nursery at almost 3, so he's either been at previous nurseries and had to move, or been with his parents or other carers so hasn't learned to play with others up to this date.

What a ridiculous thing to say.

Ds didn't start any kind of daycare/nursery until he was 3.5 but I regularly took him to groups and met up with friends with the same aged children.

As the parent of a child who lashes out at other children at nursery I thought I'd share my views.

My child struggled with speech and understanding however this has improved since starting nursery therefore it is valuable that he continues to attend

My child struggled with people touching him or going into his space and as his speech is poor he will last out at children as this is his way of communicating

My child is being assessed for autism and struggles daily. It breaks my heart (and I have shed many a tear ) when I hear he has lashed out at other children.

I appreciate how upsetting it is if your child is being hurt but please understand how hard it is for the other parent. We are stuck unable to get support for our child before we have jumped through several hoops bits heartbreak and upsetting and a little understanding goes along way. Don't be so quick to judge the staff that they aren't doing anything. Our referral to speech and language took 6 months and the one to the pediatician took over a year and we're still going through assessments. The nursery can't put in extra support until there is a formal diagnosis in place. Frustrating for all parents; staff and children involved.

Maybe buy the other mum a coffee! She probably needs It!

OP I am with you. You need to do what is best for your child, so press the nursery. They cannot tell you about the other child, but they can tell you how they are going to safeguard your child, which is their responsibility.

Yes children go through phases, but it seems to be happening quite a bit so something should be done. Yes it may be difficult for the parents of the boy and there may be reasons for the behaviour, but that does not mean they can lessen their obligation to protect your child.

Perhaps the child’s parents should be given an ultimatum and if things don’t change, expelled.

The child is two years old!

The nursery staff are responsible for managing his behaviour and keeping his peers safe.

They should be observing his to identify and triggers and challenges, then putting strategies in place to support him alongside plans to protect the children around him.

A child is not a bully until the are old enough to have developed empathy and understand how emotions and kindness work the child in question is not old enough to possess these skills.

Studies show that children learn and show empathy from the age of 2, and actually before then, so he is old enough (additional needs aside) to know that he is hurting the other children.

What has his mum having a professional job got to do with anything and why does it naturally imply he has been at previous nurseries?

@CornishMaid1 which is why I said no one knows the child's level of development, of course they have basic understanding of nice and nasty or right and wrong. But to call a toddler a bully would suggest that the child is behaving maliciously. And the child is too young. So the term bully is completey inappropriate

The child is nearly three Timandra and their behaviour, repeatedly attacking others, is unacceptable so ultimately it should be he who had to leave if the parents don’t take action, not the OP’s child who feels they have to leave.
If the child is attacking multiple children maybe get together with the other parents to put a bit of pressure on the nursery to provide eg a one to one spotter for this child.

The child is nearly three Timandra

So two years old then.

The parents aren't with him when he's hurting the other children. This is a problem that the nursery staff need to manage. Two year olds live in the moment. There's very little that the parents can do to help at that age.

The OP said her child is 2.5 and that the other child is “nearly three”. I would not describe either kid as simply a “two year old” as it doesn’t accurately convey the situation and is minimising it.

I don’t know about you but my expectations of and the abilities of a 24m old are somewhat different to those of a child closer to three. Months are very significant at this age. But the errant child will be in a class with little 24m olds.

This child is older than the OP’s child. Possibly amongst the oldest in the class. And I bet bigger as well as in my experience these types are well aware of their size and only pick on smaller kids (experienced this sort of behaviour out and about with a large kid barging smaller kids out of the way)

(Hope if my child behaved badly at nursery they would inform me so I could apologise to any victims.)

I would not describe either kid as simply a “two year old”

Both children are two year olds so I would describe them as two year olds. It's not minimising; it's stating their age.

Two year olds who are older than other two year olds are still two.

At this age, it is the adults caring for them who are responsible for managing their behaviour at the time. Parents can elicit all sorts of promises from two year olds but they won't help because two year olds live in the moment.