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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery problem

31 replies

pumpkinbump · 10/09/2019 00:19

I've posted this in childcare but I'm so stressed about it and desperate for some answer or advice so I hope it's okay to post here.

My daughter is 13 months and attends nursery 2 full days on a Tuesday and Wednesday. I work 16 hours over these 2 days. She still hasn't settled there although she was getting better. Tuesday and Wednesday last week I was asked by the nursery to leave work early to collect her as she was unsettled all day. I was also told it was unsettling the other babies and also because they had a full house of babies Wednesday {6 rather than 3 or 4} and as she had been unsettled she was having 1 to 1 care in that she wanted to be picked up all the time. When I went to collect her they asked me if I could ask work if I could do half days instead. This would mean working 16 hours over 3 days which would cost me more in childcare. The nursery have said they have Monday Tuesday and Wednesday available for my daughter to attend half days. Does this sound right? I feel not enough time has passed to settle her properly as she is only there 2 days a week for a month as she started at the end of July. Obviously babies who are there full time or more days settle more quickly. I told the nursery I would speak to work about this but the manager was not in until Monday. I emailed work this morning asking them if I could split my hours over three days for a month as the nursery have said they think this would benefit her. They have agreed to let me do this for a month. I then emailed the nursery to tell them but as today was impossible for me to work half day by the time I could sort anything out, I asked them if she could attend a half day Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday. They said they do not have any availability Thursday or Friday. I then said that in that case as I need to work my contracted Hours and was unable to take any more time off and I had no holiday to use, she would need to do full days Tuesday and Wednesday this week and we could start next week with the half days as I have no alternative childcare. They have basically refused this and said she can only do half days despite not offering me an alternative. They know I have no childcare to allow me to do a third half day this week to work my hours. They have even asked if anyone else can help look after her. Can anyone offer advice? Not really sure what I am asking, just want opinions really on this and what to do going forward. She's been attending a month at 2 days a week and they have asked me to collect her 4 times, once because she had a loose nappy which I understand bit the other times because she was unsettled. One of them being the first day she did a full day.

OP posts:
feeona123 · 10/09/2019 00:29

Find a new nursery, they sound useless!

catgee · 10/09/2019 00:32

Probably not very helpful but if it was me I think I'd be looking for a new daycare.
I would expect them to be doing everything they could to help DD adjust and settle, it sounds like they are just pushing it back to you without really trying. I would not be impressed if my son's daycare kept sending him home early and asked me to change my working hours!

Stroller15 · 10/09/2019 00:41

That sounds ridiculous. I've never had a nursery tell me how and when I should work. I know it's not an immediate solution but I would look for a new nursery or childminder (where she might settle more easily).

Cakeorchocolate · 10/09/2019 00:46

Agree with other pps.

Can't imagine being told when to work by the child care provider. I would expect your dd to have settled by now. I would definitely be looking elsewhere.

Have you paid for full days already? I imagine so. If they're refusing to have her are they going to refund you? Worth mentioning. May make them reconsider.

Original poster
pumpkinbump · 10/09/2019 00:55

Thank you all. Nothing has been mentioned about money. I am going to work out what I have actually used and ask them for the difference. I've had paid in advance for September for the 2 full days per week. I've been looking at other nurseries bit no luck as yet.

OP posts:
Expressedways · 10/09/2019 01:00

The nursery sound beyond useless, and WTAF at them trying to dictate your work schedule. Going to half days, I would have thought, will make the settling issues worse not better. This suggestion just seem like pure laziness on their part and indicates that they’re not remotely interested in making it work. Routine is important at that age; she might actually do better with 3 full days rather than 2 but I would look to do it elsewhere. I’d strongly consider a childminder as your DD might take to it better. I’d also ask for a refund for any fees paid if they are refusing to have her for the previously agreed hours.

Original poster
pumpkinbump · 10/09/2019 01:06

This is what I think, they just can't be bothered to put in the work 3hile she is settling in. On Wednesday I dropped her off at around half 8 and they were calling me to collect her at half 2. Do you mean the fees in general or just the shortfall?

I'm waiting for a reply from some nurseries. I have also looked at childminders in my area but there are so many and I don't know where to start to choose a good one. I'm concerned about what could happen of I choose a bad one.

OP posts:
Original poster
pumpkinbump · 10/09/2019 01:07

How should I be expecting a nursery to deal with this?

OP posts:
ERS25 · 10/09/2019 06:58

It sounds weird that they are getting involved in what hours you work. I have on a handful of occasions been asked to pick my LO up from nursery when she was in the baby room because she was unsettled and wanted 1-2-1, which understandably they are unable to do. But it was only a couple of times, probably when she wasn't too well. When she was settling in she usually calmed with them so I guess it depends how much she is crying. Though it's very hard for you to know she is unsettled, I'd have thought they would try a bit more and not be forcing you to change your hours. That's is the odd bit for me and after that I probably wouldn't want my LO going there permanently.

BeanBag7 · 10/09/2019 07:04

They are being paid to look street your child but shes a bit difficult to look after so it's easier to just not bother!? But they haven't offered you any refund for the days shes been collected early.

The nursery staff sound very lazy/ disinterested. Complaining that a 1 year old wants to be picked up? Shes only 1! Ask what they have done to help your daughter settle in.

I wouldn't be changing my working hours to sit them, especially at additional cost to yourself. They are providing a paid service, not doing you a favour.

MinnieMouseMaze · 10/09/2019 07:06

Find a new nursery. They should be supporting you and your child in what is still a transition period. Needy or not little ones have to gently learn that being at nursery isn't the same 1 on 1 care but to only give it a month is bonkers. I would expect on two days a week it would take several months (as did our little one). They don't sound very supportive at all and for that reason I'd be looking elsewhere. They should also be giving you more notice than a week, do you have a contract?

JetPlanesMeeting · 10/09/2019 07:15

Would a childminder be a better fit?

Chickychoccyegg · 10/09/2019 07:25

They sound rubbish, ive worked in several nurseries, and yes some dc take longer to settle than others, but all settle eventually,a good nursery will persevere, find distractions that work, maybe see if she can come in extra hours for a few weeks, ive never heard of a nursery carrying on the way your one has.
I'd maybe have a look at other nurseries, or a childminder.
They cant refuse to take your child for their contracted hours, they are being selfish and unprofessional.

Tatogratin · 10/09/2019 07:34

They need to support you better, not tell you when to work! Unless there's a financial reason for picking that nursery, like a salary arrangement, then move.

Having said that I do think Tues and weds full days might not help though as by Tuesday morning she hasn't been in for nearly a week. if you can switch so it's more of a Monday and Thursday or something that might help as there are fewer days between each session

Chandler913 · 10/09/2019 07:43

Definitely look for other childcare.. Maybe a childminder who has less children and can offer a home like experience to help her settle

dirtyrottenscoundrel · 10/09/2019 07:50

Maybe the nursery are thinking of your child? They’ve realised she’s struggling with full days so feel she’d do better with a shorter day?
Makes sense to me.

ColaFreezePop · 10/09/2019 08:01

I've never heard of nursery ask any one of the people I know whose children refused to settle to change their work schedule to half days.
I suspect it's to suit their staffing ratio more than anything else but then I'm cynical.

If your LO is unhappy and not settling find a new nursery or preferably a child minder. Some child minders have assistants so have more children all together but less than a nursery setting. Others like mine have fewer children then they are allowed, and tend to take them out to do things most of the time.

The child minders in my area happily do 2 days a week like you are doing.

Mouikey · 10/09/2019 08:02

My LO started around the same age as yours, just one day a week. I was told it would take around 8 weeks for her to settle. What I wouldn’t expect is nursery to change the hours within 1 month without notice.

I would check your contract because I would be surprised if they can change without notice (I think our old nursery was between 2 weeks and a month). They also have no right to expect you to change your working hours (although their availability will dictate).

Also beware, Monday’s are often bank holidays, and you have to pay even though they are closed! I’m not surprised Thursdays are full - that’s standard.

Honestly see about other nurseries locally.

GPatz · 10/09/2019 08:06

You definitely need to find a new nursery. If they are this useless at this early stage, imagine the sort of disinterested and lazy care they are going to provide the children during their time there.

jessycake · 10/09/2019 08:17

I would look for other childcare , half a day or a day will make no difference to her settling , she can't tell the time . Perhaps a childminder would be able to take her out for a walk and maybe have a more familiar home setting , they are also unlikely to have lots of babies at the same time . I would certainly go down the childminder route and explain she has been unable to settle and ask lots of questions . It should take less time to get attached to one other adult rather than several . Childminders are ofsted inspected ,and all mums can only go on instinct and do the best they can. Don't be guilted into changing your hours for a business .

Userzzzzz · 10/09/2019 09:10

That sounds really odd. I constantly see little ones being carried or cuddled at mine. It’s normal that the babies will sometimes need more especially when they’re settling in. If they are that tight on the ratios that they can’t manage a clingy baby during their transition, I’d be looking elsewhere.

Di11y · 10/09/2019 09:19

isn't it 2-1 or 3-1 at age 1? I don't see why they can't hold your baby whole they play with the others. it takes time to settle and routine is important.

Liverpoolgirl52 · 10/09/2019 10:03

As a childminder, I have looked after many children who didn’t settle at nursery. Different children settle at different settings. A childminder follows the exact same EYFS guidelines as a nursery does and is inspected by Ofsted just the same. Finding a good childminder is the same as finding a good nursery, you do your research. Have a look on the Ofsted website to look at local childminders’ reports. Also, ask on social media if anyone has recommendations for childminders in the area. I work with an assistant, as do many other childminders. Myself, assistant and another childminder go for days out to farms, beaches, fruit picking, toddler groups etc every week or so and the park daily, so your little one may benefit from not just being in the setting all day. I may be bias but I’d pick a childminder over a nursery every single time.

Mamma19c · 10/09/2019 10:20

I would have thought you had to sign a contract somewhere? If you have, dig it out and see what it says. They can't breach the terms of a contract and, at the end of the day, you're paying them for a service they're not willing to provide.

As others have said, find a new nursery. But see if there's any way to get your money back from this one (as in what you've already spent there) as they've been so shocking!

Snooky84 · 10/09/2019 11:37

Find a new nursery.
My dd was very unhappy in her first nursery. We swapped her to a very small very nurturing nursery. She loved it there and the nursery nurses were lovely. I don't want to start a debate about faith. But it was run by a local church and I found their ethos perfect for child. You didnt need to be Christian to attend and because it was subsistised by the church it was the cheapest one where I live. Win win all round.