Teenager budget am I being too generous £200?

[Nononoandno]

I’m single mum one 16 year old son who goes on and on about his dad paying £400 maintenance and he gives the impression he thinks I spend it 🤔(soo not true). I know for a fact my son doesn’t add up/realise the money that is spent on him on a day to day basis so for transport, clothes, trainers, cinema, days out, pizzas out with his friends, snacks Xbox subscription phone etc.... I’m thinking of giving him £200 per month so at the beginning of each month and tell him that is it and he has to buy all the above including lunches (but not holidays). I think it would teach him an important budgeting lesson... what are your thoughts? Has anyone done anything similar?

Suddenly budgeting for a month would be a challenge for anyone not used to it. How about starting with an amount per week for the non-lunch & non-transport stuff? Then increase the amount but add in the lunch & transport?

Sounds like a good idea. Or you could encourage him to get a part time job.

No, I wouldn't give him £200. If he wants that kind of money he needs to get a job. I'd show him the bills and how much it costs to keep a home.

My 11yo said something similar asking where maintenance was spent. I showed her how it is spent on her (and her sister).

Bring on
I see your point but I’m almost wanting him to have a shock and face reality as he doesn’t realise and appreciate how much things cost...to avoid a teenage spending disaster I might give him £40 per week to give him chance mentally work out how he’s going to do it and encourage him to write down a budget plan of what he needs each day for lunch a hair cut per month 🤔

It is perfectly reasonable to give him a sum of money and expect him to use it to acquire necessities and things like clothing that are necessities, but also involve some discretion. I would start smaller though or sit down with him and work out a starter budget. You don’t want to end up having to bail him out half way through the first month because he has nothing left for food.

I would sit him down and get him to guess and write down how much he thinks things cost from the basics like bread and milk to household bills phone rent , get him to add it up and then show him how much it actually cost , he may surprise you and get it about right or he could be way off esp when it comes to council tax / tv / water etc.

Explain that this is where the money goes to that his dad sends but if he wants he can take charge of some of it . particularly for the luxury type of things , ie new trainers , xbox . pizza , give him a budget at the start of the month and tell that is all he is allowed and he should try to save some so he can buy birthday / christmas gifts .

A part time job would also give him a much clearer idea of the real value of money

Explain that maintenance is to cover living costs like rent, utilities etc
Don’t let him become an entitled brat, could he be getting this from his Dad?

I’ve shown him how I budget and the spreadsheet what comes into the house and what goes out each month but he doesn’t see how that relates to him really ..... I’m having battles about how long he’s in the shower and how our water bill is that of a family of four!! I could make him pay half the water bill out of his budget too it might make him think twice about long showers .... am I putting too much adult responsibility on him too young thou🤔?

Not what you're asking, by why shouldn't you be spwnding maintainance money? It is primary to allow you to pay for a home and food for your ds.

I agree with bookworm and Sam. I have £530 from my ex for my dc 14 & 16. That money not only covers clothes, bus passes, uniforms, books etc but also petrol, much bigger mortgage than their Dad (so I could keep them at their school), gas/electric, food etc etc.

Really speaking OP you shouldn’t have to justify how you spend the maintenance - it’s an agreement between you and his father.

£50 per week seems like a lot but I’m not sure how much he spends per day on dinner. Personally I’d encourage him to get a part time job, it teaches teenagers a lot about the real world; punctuality, patience etc.

I had a part time job at 16 and paid my mum lodge. It didn’t do me any harm and made me want more than just a part time job at KFC.

Yes he’s definitely getting from his dad the whinge and bitterness of how much he has to pay me (it should actually be £28 more per month but I’m saving that one up my sleeve for when his dad reminds me I’m a money grabber🙄(he has no clue how much it’s costs to raise a child who is with me 24/7 52 weeks) in case you were wondering ...the relationship breakdown was my fault apparently and I should have stayed with him after his repeated cheating while our son was a baby... 🙄... and it’s my fault I ripped his family apart 🤔

I think at his age he should start learning some budgeting, if he goes to university in 2 years he's going to get a shock when he has x amount of student loan to pay rent, food, books, clothes, nights out etc for the whole term. Start small but it's a life skill it sounds like he needs to start learning

I think if you can afford to let him balls it up for one month it’s a good idea. Take what you need to cover the essentials (bills etc) then hand him the rest and say ‘here you go, this is for everything else’ and hand him a list, like the phone, lunches etc. and tell him not to ask for anything else for the rest of the month as the answer is no.

It’ll end one of two ways: he’ll budget well and you’ll know you can trust him to be a bit more financially independent- or he’ll screw it up and realise that mums not so mean after all.

No you're not. Being in charge of certain expenses should have started much sooner. Since he is being so bratty id price up rent, electricity, water, tv licence, etc and bill him. He buys his own food and anything else he needs from the rest.

My ex kicked off about how much he pays me so I sent him a list of all our bills. Council tax Tv Internet mortgage anything ds related cost of sons trips, happened to have one come through at £1000 that month for skiing (I hit the floor when saw letter) factored in his clothes lunches etc. Then told him on all house bills as 4 people ds share us 25%so his contribution should be 12.5%. Time I had done the house stuff and clothes, travel to school dinner money it was showing he was paying less without factoring in the trip he was telling me ds must go on because he is paying it after all. Did not like finding out actually working part time I still pay more than he does before ds Gym membership phone etc. He shut up complaining and that's the last I heard once he realised I will not be reducing his maintenance payments.

My DD 16 receives 70 per week from ex.
He puts it straight into her account at my request and has done since the split three years ago.
There have been times I regretted this as she has not always been responsible with but now that she is a bit older she is really good at budgeting so it’s probably been a good thing.
I think you should do it op

Especially as your ex is planting the seed of doubt here. My main reason for requesting the money go straight to dd was that I didn’t want ex to be able to say I was relying on his money or accuse me of spending it on myself

But what if he doesn't budget properly (very likely) and then starts mithering you for the other 200 per month? Will you give him the whole lot and then tell him to buy his own food and pay half the bills?

I get £30 a week for each of my DD’s so £60 total. (He lives in a 4 bed house and just went to Lego land without his own kids, separate thread)

DD2 - £25 goes into child trust fund a month, £5 a week pocket money. The rest on her school dinner money card

DD1 - the entire lot goes on her school dinner money card and for bus fare.

I am really clear about this to them and where it goes. I wouldn’t mind if he gave it to them directly but then if they spent it all I would despair as I would then still have to pay out all the money for the things they need!

I realise it seems unfair what I have written for my DD’s but DD1 has 3 x more than DD2 in the child trust fund which is why I pay more

DD1 also has her own job (she is nearly 17) and is in college and bus costs more

Noooooo! That's way too much, and he won't see the invisible spending that keeps the household afloat, will he?

I'd be inclined to have a grown up birds-and-bees type financial talk and show him the full finances. Show him what goes out in rent/mortgage, utilities, council tax, house insurance, internet/phone, any subscriptions, for starters and ask him to consider what his share of that for keeping him warm, dry, clean, entertained and out of the weather and off the streets might amount to. He's old enough.

Then take him on the weekly shop and have him total up the spend as you go. As he helps put it all away, have him note all the things that are exclusively for him (lynx?!) to use, eat or drink.

Then have him keep track of what money actually goes through his hands and yours for him on lunches, fares, school clothes, trips, phone contract, shoes, etc etc.

If all that doesn't exceed what your ex is paying, I'd be surprised! Show him where the money comes in from, too: your earnings and your ex's contributions, any other income.

If there really is a surplus from his father, discuss with DS what he might need money for later and set up a savings account for him which you pay into. Youngsters can have tax-free ISA accounts. If he goes to uni later he will be very glad of a nice lump sum. If he gets in the habit of having big wodges of cash to spend every month he may get into spendthrift ways and find it hard to manage later. He has what - two more years of ex's contributions?

He should start to prepare for when that tap turns off. Nobody has to pay a penny towards his support once he's an adult! You might, but you don't have to, not unless he's studying full time.

Does he even know this?

Some good ideas and I will definitely take on board, I’m going to give him a list of the types of household bills and get him to guess (he’s probably forgotten when I showed him over year ago) I’m going to write his and my name next to all the bills 50/50, then after he’s guessed I will reveal correct cost, also will get him to work out his own budget and how much he needs each month to cover basic expenses before I decide how much to give him. Great ideas folks 👍thank you

Absolutely not. Refuse to discuss money with him.: it is not his business.

We do this with ours from age 12. They get £150 per month and have to buy lunches, snacks, clothes, shoes, extras. All we buy them are breakfast, dinner, school uniform and school shoes. If they want a lift into town or whatever it's 25p a mile 😂 If they want to borrow money, we charge nominal interest. They can earn additional extras (jobs round the house etc.) but this is paid in arrears the following month. There is one month of the year when they are not paid anything but we don't tell them when that will be-they need to have enough saved to cover it. (We would obviously never let them starve or anything!!)

When we started it with our older kids, some people were horrified but soon realised how well it works. I can't lie, it goes against all my instincts sometimes because I might stop at the shop and buy myself a little treat and it's natural to reach for something for them but I don't, they learn to budget themselves. It's amazing how frugal they become when it's their own money paying for their Macdonalds!

I was adamant that we needed to do this because when I was a young adult I had credit cards and catalogues-really irresponsible-which was my own fault but, equally, I had been given everything on a plate. It teaches really good financial skills in my experience.

This is not about him learning to budget, this is about him learning not to spout his dad’s crap at you.

Two different things.

If it were only about budgeting, then yes I’d throw him in at the deep end.

But as it’s about his dad’s influence breeding a lack of respect for you, I wouldn’t just be handing over £200.

I might work out the cost of him, and that does include holidays. Add it all up, divide by 12. Then give him what’s LEFT. Nowhere fucking near £200, I bet.