To feel like I'm a bad mum because I just can't be arsed?

[GabbyChalice400]

I love my baby, but my god sometimes I just can't be arsed and want a break. It's the constant fussiness and whinging for apparently no reason.

He's been fed, changed, winded. My head is banging and I just want some peace

I feel like a shit mum for sticking him in his bouncer and putting him in front of the telly. I just don't have the energy to interact with him though!

He deserves better.

Taking a little time out for yourself now and then throughout the day does not make you a bad mum. In fact, I think it's vital for your mental health, especially in the first year.

Most of us have felt that way at some point (I would say we ALL have, but some bugger will pop up and say they never did!). You are not a bad Mum. You are tired and coping with a huge life change. Be kind to yourself - make a cuppa, pit your feet up for 10 minutes and relax. Your baby will come to no harm in a bouncer in front of the tv for a little while.

I also think we have all felt like that.
A bit of telly won't do him any harm in my opinion and will probably do him good if you can have a bit of a rest and feel a bit better.
Things will improve- until he's a teenager and then you'll feel like you can't be bothered a lot of the time (arguments about school work, social media, screen time etc. etc...).

FWIW I still feel like that constantly and my oldest child is nearly 8. So if you’re a bad mum, then I am too.

The relentlessness of motherhood has always been the hardest thing for me. I didn’t realise, until I had a baby, just how much I desperately needed time to myself, with silence, to keep my sanity. Needless to say, I’ve felt like I’m losing my marbles A LOT

bu...but I thought they brought constant joy?

You need a mental break don't feel guilty for wanting a rest. It's a 24 hour job so stick him in front of the tv for 15 minutes and get a cup of tea and some biscuits. Honestly you'll feel so much better. I've been up with my 4 month old most of the night she's waking more now than as a newborn. It's hard work don't feel bad

I’m like this too, although my eldest is 7. I psych myself up in the morning and make sure we go and do something wholesome (swimming, NT place, bike ride, den building etc.) for a while. Then in the afternoon at some point I get both dc’s to do a couple of pages of a workbook, then reading before bed. I try and convince myself that doing these things cancels out the fact that at every other minute we’re in the house they’re playing on iPads . I genuinely don’t know how sahm parents manage to entertain their dc’s at home for more than an hour. I find it so painful.

You are not a bad mum. Child rearing isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, it can be difficult and thankless. You need time for yourself too.

Don't be so hard on yourself, I have had to do this many a time. It is exhausting being a mum and sometimes you just need some time to replenish, as they say you can't pour from an empty cup.

Babies are boring at best. The work of baby-rearing is fucking mindnumbingly repetitive, and also boring. How much satisfaction can honestly be gotten from cleaning up poo??
And to make it worse, the subject of your non-stop toil hates you for not doing more!!!
So, don't feel bad for not cherishing it. It's shit. Feel normal, and hate it.

Any parent who claims they never feel like you do is lying. Until they turn 2ish it's nothing more than a slog.

I know there not for everyone but baby groups helped me. Just to get out the house and have adult communication and also if you are having a hard time, there is people who understand, who perhaps can support.

@NoddyAndBessie Are you taking the piss, because I’m struggling to interpret your comment in a way that won’t make the OP feel bad?

You don't sound like a bad mum to me. Seriously, my two paternal great-grandmothers had 21 children between them. Clearly, all those children didn't have individual pretend play and crafts with mummy all day long, nor did my great-grandmothers spend hours gazing delightedly into their babies' eyes. And all 21 of those kids grew up just fine, apart from the ones who died of now-eradicated childhood diseases or were killed in the First World War.

Heck, my mother was a SAHM in the eighties but she still didn't consider it necessary to provide me with stimulating face-to-face interaction for every single moment of the day. I think modern mothers are under pressure to hold themselves to ridiculously high standards. There's nothing wrong with a bit of boredom. I hope you are already enjoying a biscuit and cup of tea and your baby is enjoying CBeebies (just stay away from bloody Bing!).

We all have bad days for whatever reason. Don't beat yourself up about it. Tomorrow will be better.

Thanks everyone.

Since he turned 4 months he's been such a difficult baby. He's going through a phase at the moment where he will scream the house down for about 10-15 minutes. He refuses a bottle at first, then he will take the bottle and fall asleep for a while.

None of it makes any sense

I feel your pain! Mine does the same. It's especially bad when she is teething (like now). Calpol and CBeebies are a godsend. There's absolutely no shame in it - you need to preserve your sanity.

@NoddyAndBessie you cheeky bugger.

I certainly felt like this when mine were smaller. It's relentless and often quite dull and very draining. Do take some time for yourself, your child will be fine in a bouncer for a while and you'll do better for a little break. It gets better and you are definitely not a bad Mum.

I think Backtothedrawingboard1’s comment sums it up perfectly for me. There is so much pressure on mums to do it all, and often to do it alone.
I remember with my first child I was weighed down by PND and DH kept suggesting baby group stuff etc but it wasn’t my scene and I would force myself to go “for the sake of the baby”, who would just scream through it all and I would feel even worse. It’s okay to feel the way that you are, it happens to everyone at some point. X

do what is (reasonably!) best for you!

I had to get out of the house, so once the chores finished, I've always been out by 9-9:30am going for walks, shops, meeting friends, classes whatever from the earliest age. For me the hard part would have been to feel stuck at home all day.

if you just need 15mn of peace and you can use the tv, why not.

You’re not a bad mum OP. Well if you are I am too. My 2 year is sat watching some drivel on Netflix, munching his way through a bag of Wotsits with the help of a blue sheep. He’s laughing away, I’m getting time for myself without the constant call of muuuuuuuuuuummy and everyone is happy.

Gabby Your first sentence says it all to me "I love my baby but sometimes I want a break" that word sometimes says to me you are a good mum and finding being a new mum maybe a shock to your system.
Can you pass your baby to your mum/partner or family member to take for a walk for a while so you can relax ? Have you tried going out for a walk with his pram and maybe meeting up with other mums,it will get better as he grows and soon you will wonder what you worried about.

You’re not a bad mum, that’s a totally normal feeling and putting them somewhere safe and comfortable to give you a small bit of respite is a positive thing. Life with a small baby can be super dull and monotonous, especially when they’re being a bit tricky. He’ll come out this phase soon xx

Put Hey Duggee on then you can sit and watch it too. Have a hot cup of tea and something nice to eat.

Definitely all been there.....your not a bad mum. It's called survival!!! Do what you need to do to get through those exhausting days xx