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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit cross re ttc

48 replies

RainMinusBow · 09/09/2019 00:26

Long story short, my OH and I have decided to try for a baby after much consideration. Mostly due to our ages as I'm almost 39 and he's 43.

We have shared together when is the right time to try based on my last period etc. Time is not on our side so I have tried very hard to give us the best chance - only having the very ocassional glass of wine, taking a pregnancy supplement, exercising, cutting down on caffeine etc.

My OH knew that I'm ovulating around this weekend with Day 14 being today.

So what does he do tonight? Drinks 3 pints and then complains of a wobbly stomach! We tried to dtd but forget it.

AIBU to feel pissed off?

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 09/09/2019 00:42

I understand why you are!

Skittlenommer · 09/09/2019 00:45

Perhaps it was an deliberate attempt to sabotage. A lot of men get cold feet especially when they feel under pressure ttc.

stairway · 09/09/2019 00:46

Next time don’t tell him as it puts most men off.

Original poster
RainMinusBow · 09/09/2019 00:46

@OwlBeThere I'm relieved you get it and it's not "just me". I just feel that we don't have the luxury of loads of time. I've made a lpt of changes and feel that it was a bit selfish of him tonight knowing I'm mid-cycle.

OP posts:
Original poster
RainMinusBow · 09/09/2019 00:48

@stairway But even if I don't tell him implicitly he knows when I had my last period so can kind of work it out himself?

OP posts:
Original poster
RainMinusBow · 09/09/2019 00:51

@Skittlenommer I don't think it's that but slight possibility I guess. Last time I fell pregnant I was on the pill so we weren't intentionally trying!

OP posts:
stairway · 09/09/2019 02:33

Op don’t obsess over timings, just have regular sex. Ovulation is very easy to miss anyway.

Aria999 · 09/09/2019 03:12

Slightly off your point but I think day 14 is actually a bit late. For ttc1 that's what they told us but it took over a year and I didn't actually conceive till we tried dtd earlier. My US doctor advises between day 7 and 12. Ttc2 took 6 months on that basis.

If you're worried, try using ovulation kits for a bit to get a sense of the best timing for you. Sperm can live for 5 days before you ovulate so earlier is better.

DCICarolJordan · 09/09/2019 03:57

This sounds pretty typical behaviour of your partner, TBH, given your posting history and the way he acted when you moved in. So YANBU to be cross but you are being unreasonable to be suprised at his behaviour.

MrsTeaspoon · 09/09/2019 04:09

I’d say around day 10, sperm stays active for a few days too. Try not to get too frustrated, it really doesn’t help your body.
I got pregnant unexpectedly at 39 with only one tube and ovary left and after having sex just once that month...we were both gobsmacked!
Guess I’m just trying to say, focus on enjoying your relationship, talk rather than letting resentment fester and what will be will be. He can take supplements too, they are really meant to help ‘his’ side of things. Good luck.

Actionhasmagic · 09/09/2019 04:36

Yanbu

2tired2function · 09/09/2019 04:52

My DH was completely unaware of when I was in the middle of my cycle. It took us well over a year (with 2 mc) so he had plenty of time to work it out! It's hard to imagine but when it's not YOUR body that this thing (pregnancy) is happening to, it's just not as obvious, or I think on your mind all the time.

LaBelleSauvage · 09/09/2019 04:54

Agree day 14 might be a little late unless you have a long cycle. Best to have sex every other day or so from once your period finishes (day 5 ish) to about day 20 and try not to worry about exact dates.

Good luck OP

Sorry about your OH- also agree men can feel stress and pressure which is perhaps why he went out drinking. If it's more.regular sex it takes the pressure off one particular day

edgeofheaven · 09/09/2019 06:08

He probably feels pressured. Years after the fact my DH told me he felt that way when I mentioned I was ovulating. I don’t blame you for feeling upset about it though.

WhatsMyPassword · 09/09/2019 06:10

Seeing as there are many threads on here about ONS and accidents, getting rat faced and having a bonk seems to be the optimum way to get pregnant.

TwoShades1 · 09/09/2019 06:16

I didn’t really track my ovulation but my period tracker app included the information. I didn’t bother sharing this with my partner as we were having regular enough sex that initiating it wasn’t a sign that I must be ovulating or anything. Do most people have sex so infrequently that there is an obvious change in your “routine” when you’re ttc?

Scrumptiousbears · 09/09/2019 06:20

Get those little ovulation test sticks. That was an eye opener for me. Initially I wasn't even ovulating. When I eventually did "jackpot".

Original poster
RainMinusBow · 09/09/2019 07:42

@DCICarolJordan I'm confused-he moved in with me?

OP posts:
Original poster
RainMinusBow · 09/09/2019 07:45

@TwoShades1 It's a bit different when you get to my age possibly as we don't have the luxury of lots of time to just go with it if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Jesse70 · 09/09/2019 07:49

Ohh dear I wouldn't be to hard in him it's it his fault he can't handle his drink lol
I am also trying and I followed my app for when ovulating but when I started looking into it I ovulate earlier than my app suggests
Sperm can last for a few days so just make sure you are having sex regularly
Hopefully it will happen for u soon I know it's easy to get wound up about dates n times etc
Good luck

Bellasblankexpression · 09/09/2019 07:55

I think TTC can be difficult as it changes attitudes to sex - suddenly feel like you have to be doing it rather than because you’re wanting to, and it can cause pressure.
I’d be annoyed but I would also get over it this time - if he does the same again next time
I’d be having a word to see if we were truly on the same page.
In my experience if you don’t have the luxury of time definitely get ovulation tests as just pinning it on one weekend when you think you’re ovulating even if you know your cycle and body really well can mean you miss it!
Good luck!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 09/09/2019 08:10

I had the same arguments with my DH as at times it did feel like he deliberately sabotaged it HOWEVER you should be taking OPK tests to pinpoint ovulation exactly as day 14 could be too late and statistically you are more likely to get pregnant from the 1/2 days BEFORE ovulation than the day itself - if you use the digital OPKs the dual hormone ones they also tell you when you have a rise in estrogen so you actually get a few more days of sex rather than pinning it all on one night and therefore adding to the pressure

Your right that time isn't on your side...:.every other night from end of period until you get a peak OPK is best and then definitely the night of the peak and the day after (read the sperm meets egg plan) - if he doesn't want to have that much sex then you know he's not exactly committed to the process

Bitchfeatures · 09/09/2019 08:14

Yanbu. My ex used to put off TTC he had changed his mind and didn't have the guts to tell me, he left me not long after.
Fingers crossed that isnt the case but I think you need to have a serious chat with him.

Samosaurus · 09/09/2019 08:17

That is frustrating! By the way, day 14 might already be too late as it can take the sperm a while to reach the egg. Every other day from day 8 up to ovulation would give you the best chance. Good luck!

Original poster
RainMinusBow · 09/09/2019 08:18

Thanks all. I think it gets on my nerves that the onus for successfully ttc appears to be falling largely with me. I've made changes to my lifestyle (achohol, caffeine, etc) and all he needs to do is the pleasurable part but messes that up!!!

OP posts:
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