To be a bit cross re ttc

[RainMinusBow]

Long story short, my OH and I have decided to try for a baby after much consideration. Mostly due to our ages as I'm almost 39 and he's 43.

We have shared together when is the right time to try based on my last period etc. Time is not on our side so I have tried very hard to give us the best chance - only having the very ocassional glass of wine, taking a pregnancy supplement, exercising, cutting down on caffeine etc.

My OH knew that I'm ovulating around this weekend with Day 14 being today.

So what does he do tonight? Drinks 3 pints and then complains of a wobbly stomach! We tried to dtd but forget it.

AIBU to feel pissed off?

don't get obsessed with timings. you make it sound so mechanical. Just have sex regularly and enjoy it rather than turning it into a conception exercise. It may well be too late already. one missed cycle really won't make much difference at that stage.

all he needs to do is the pleasurable part but messes that up!!!

TTC sex under pressure isn’t necessarily that pleasurable.

@PurpleDaisies agreed! Ttc sex was stressful and fraught. Nothing like normal sex.

OP I suggest you put less pressure on yourself, too!

Is he not used to drinking? Because I’d expect most men to be able to drink three pints without being particularly affected.

Aahhh the biggest passion killer ever - TTC sex. It's so stressful. Hated it. Puts so much pressure on you. The danger is, you start getting stroppy about "missing a window" then your DP will start feeling like a performing seal and that he should perform on demand. And that's when you find he might struggle to finish. Which makes you even more stressed and sex even more pressured.

Just chill out and have as much sex as you can, that genuinely is the best way.

And day 14 is almost certainly too late unless you have a long cycle. You don't have sex on ovulation day, because by the time the sperm have reached the right place the egg has died.

You really need to have sex on the run up to ovulation so the sperm is in the right place for when ovulation happens

Are you using OPKs or just going for it mid cycle? Sex every two days from day 10 to day 20 should cover all bases if your cycle is between 25 and 35 days.

@mabelmoo23 totally agree.
It changes sex completely and isn’t just a pleasurable experience, comes with so much more pressure attached and you’re both acutely aware that you’re doing it to TTC

Have a chat with him, but working your calendar this way will be very limiting to your chances. To put into perspective, we were 23 and 29 when trying for DD2, both healthy, sporty not overweight not drinkers etc. It took us four months of DTD AT LEAST once a day on days 9 through 16 before we got a positive.

It took us four months of DTD AT LEAST once a day on days 9 through 16 before we got a positive.

That’s not really relevant to the op though. Four months isn’t a long time (even though it might have felt like it). It’s absolutely normal to take a year. Nhs advice is to have sex every 2-3 days.

Just try and have sex every 2-3 days. Obsessing over timings won’t help.

Eight months of me trying to work out opks and cajoling mr bananas with unsexy muttering about ‘ovulating now’ ‘if you turn me down now I will cancel the formula one channel’ and he told me that opks and sex under pressure was the biggest turn off. I don’t think I ever really got the hang of the opks- I started drinking the wine and dtd every 2-3 days. I’m now 7 months pregnant 😊

Just do it every other day for the week spanning your fertile week and a couple of days after (I'm a late ovulator, realised with an ovulation kit!)

Then there's no specific date you 'have to', and all your bases will be covered.

These things happen. If you want to time things well, you’ll need to know when you are actually ovulating. For me it was always day 16 and to time sex for 1-3 days before.

But also you don’t need to stress and put life on hold. Other than taking folic acid, I never changed anything. I’ve had 2 healthy pregnancies (pregnant first or second month each time). Both months I got pregnant, I drank like a sponge (on holiday, various family events), always drank 2 coffees a day. I’m also nearly 40. So if you enjoy those things don’t give them up. TTC can be stressful so there’s no need to make it any harder.

Agree with other comments that unless there’s an identified fertility issue no reason to stop drinking or dramatically change diet. Not to be harsh but at 39 and 43 those things are fiddling at the margins. Have sex every other day and hope for the best. Good luck!

Day 14 would have been too late for me.
I used the ovulation sticks and it was always about day 12. I tracked them for a few months beforehand and then got pregnant first month both times.

Thanks all. I guess a lot of it is stressing because of my age. I didn't have this worry ttc other two childen as I was in my 20's! This is all new to OH as he hasn't got any children.

@edgeofheaven I have a mc history sadly so want to do everything I can to increase my odds!

@RainMinusBow have you had your progesterone levels checked! It’s a factor for many women with a history of miscarriage.

He couldn't DTD after three pints??

Apart from being unreasonable, he's clearly also a total lightweight. Hardly like he should be staggering drunk after three.

Agree with PP. The only thing less attractive than TTC sex is inducing labour sex...

Pressurised TTC sex can be deeply unsexy and off putting. Don’t mention dates in future, try to have sex every other day from around day 10. Depends on your cycle length of course but for someone with an average cycle length, only doing it on day 14 may be too late.

We both work ft in highly pressured jobs and have two kids as well (he's stepdad) so if I suddenly started expecting sex every other day he'd know my intention as we're often exhausted!!

I have had levels checked after first two mc's (before first successful pregnancy but they came back negative. Then got my two boys. Only one mc so far with my fiancé so fingers crossed. Although I know I am more likely now to mc due to my age.

@Cheeserton He rarely drinks that much in one go!