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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think kids should be able to survive without screens??

50 replies

bestusername · 08/09/2019 22:36

At a recent family function my DS (5) spent most of the time either watching tv, playing on a tablet or playing on the phone.

ALL the kids were doing this.

I made repeated requests for a change of activity (away from screens) which worked for a short while.

What else could I have done? It wouldn't be fair to have brought reading books or activity books with us. He is too young for some of the games the older kids play and feels frustrated by this sometimes. Other kids age ranges 8-13.

How would you ensure that your 5 year old was sufficiently entertained at a family occasion, in a house, without tv, table and phone? and was IBU to try to restrict this?

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
june2007 · 08/09/2019 22:39

They can and they do. Camping holiday without screans went well. My kids dob't have tablets and computer time is 1 hr on a school night.

WorraLiberty · 08/09/2019 22:39

You made repeated requests for a change of activity? Confused

Why didn't you just entertain your own child?

And what's not fair about reading/activity books?

DidYeAyee · 08/09/2019 22:40

Why wouldn't it be fair to bring books or other activities with you but it was ok to bring a tablet?

I don't mind DS using a screen if he's the only child and it keeps him amused so the adults can chat but if there are other kids there I expect them to play together.

Venger · 08/09/2019 22:41

Why wouldn't it have been fair to bring activity books or colouring?

You decide what you do/don't want your child to do but you can't really decide for other peoples DC, if you didn't want DS on screens then you should have told him to come and do a different activity.

Original poster
bestusername · 08/09/2019 22:43

We've had successful camping trips without a screen but there were lots of activities which were engaging.

I was looking after a baby and DS wanted to be with the other kids. We do lots of reading and activity books on weekdays and don't have any tv on school days.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/09/2019 22:46

I don't understand the problem then?

You were busy, your DS was happy, the other kids were happy?

Pikapikachooo · 08/09/2019 22:48

It’s the modern curse

Recently i just got the lego out and started to build Something

One After one they all
Followed and started building stuff

Then I went back to my wine Smile

Original poster
bestusername · 08/09/2019 22:49

We didn't bring a table. We had only our phones on us.

He would have had anywhere quiet to sit and read and would have been distracted by the occasion.

I didn't want him to sit in a room by himself with his book so he could be away from screens.

I have no issues asking him to do what needs to be done. He's a good kid and does listen.
It just felt unfair when all the other kids were watching/playing screens to ask him to not without some great sounding alternatives.

OP posts:
quitecontrary123 · 08/09/2019 22:50

You could have taken all devices off him and given him colouring or activity books or engaged with him. At 5 some small toys like a few cars, figures or jigsaw could have kept him occupied.

Original poster
bestusername · 08/09/2019 22:54

@Pikapikachooo Lego would have been brilliant but there were a couple a under 3's there including my 1 yr old and I really didn't want him to sit in a room by himself but a puzzle is a great suggestion from pp. Thanks

OP posts:
SunshineAngel · 08/09/2019 22:55

They can survive without screens, it's just an easy way to keep them entertained, and at a family function in a way it's perfect because it keeps them quiet!

Original poster
bestusername · 08/09/2019 22:56

@WorraLiberty yes we were all happy. We have at least another 5 functions like this til the end of the year so wanted ideas on what to offer of being instead. I don't mind a movie or a few games on the phone but the rotation of devices for 4-6 hours is what I was not happy with.

OP posts:
SudowoodoVoodoo · 08/09/2019 23:24

It's awkward if all the children are doing it as they then aren't teaming up to entertain eachother.

One of mine at 5 would not have been ready to read and hates coulouring... it turned out that he's dyslexic and dyspraxic so colouring is painful to do for long periods and reading takes up a lot of effort and concentration. Most 5 year olds aren't great enough readers to entertain them selves for more than a few minutes.

Rotating round small toys like cars worked best for us. We have been known to buy a new toy car/ comic and saving it for restoring interest when it wears thin through the day.

I'm not against tablets, but favour them as the final defence. Once they are out, it's very difficult to get them off. If a venue has safe outdoor space, that makes life much easier than being pent up indoors keeping a child on best behaviour.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 08/09/2019 23:27

I've been known to pull mine out from an informal event for a little while and go to a local park and time them running rings round a tree to release energy. They'd had long journeys there, plus the return to go and were done on sitting nicely by the time we'd arrived! When they returned to the event, they were in a much improved mood!

Stompythedinosaur · 08/09/2019 23:35

You have to choose whether to let him be with the others and use screens or take him out. I'm surprised you took a 5yo anywhere without bringing an activity of some sort. It sounds like you wanted all the other families to alter their parenting to match yours, which is not reasonable!

I definitely would have gone with the flow re screens for a one off event.

WorraLiberty · 08/09/2019 23:37

If you're not happy then you need to take responsibility for entertaining your child in a way that does make you happy.

Making 'repeated requests for a change of activity' makes you sound like a cheeky fucker imo.

Bring books/lego/puzzles etc to the other functions and sit and do them with the kids, if what's being offered isn't to your liking.

Alternatively, just chill out and go with the flow. It's only a few times a year.

bwydda · 08/09/2019 23:40

If you know the events are coming up, and you know all the kids will have devices, surely you can just limit your child's device time that week to compensate?

I agree that generally children are far too dependent- mine are allowed limited time and so always go out to play- they bring home friends , who's first question is what's the WiFi password. They are always shocked at my refusal to give it. They always spend ten minutes rolling eyes and saying they may as well go home as there's NOTHING to do. Then they remember they are kids and start actually playing. And they come back. A lot.

It's a hard mill to grind. Stopping children over using tech in a tech essential world is hard and a long term goal. Sometimes you have to roll with it and compensate elsewhere. To avoid conflict in the whole family- where all the parents feel your judgments- you'll just have to allow this few hours and restrict elsewhere.

IamMoana · 08/09/2019 23:46

My daughter is approaching 5, no iPad owned in this house nor any kind of screen access. Colouring in & games in her backpack like pick up sticks, snap, dominoes. We also do 2 40min bus journeys a day. We talk a lot, play eye spy etc. I plan to keep her tech free for as long as I can. It really is do able.

Original poster
bestusername · 08/09/2019 23:53

Just to clarify my repeated requests were made to him only. Not sure how that makes me a cf.
I took him to the side and asked him to have a change of activity.

I did not make any requests of any other children nor did I ask their parents to do anything!

There was dancing, we chatted for a while, paper and pencils were available but none of those options stuck.

It's a family house and sometimes the kids are great at playing ball games but the garden was more occupied than usual so there were less options.

OP posts:
Original poster
bestusername · 08/09/2019 23:56

Thanks for the suggestions.

Will definitely take some puzzles, dominoes and look for some games that can hopefully entertain a wider age range.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 09/09/2019 00:14

I agree with Worra and others.

If it bothers you, then you make that decision for him. He is 5. You are the parent. If your 5 yr old is doing something you don't like / don't approve of, then you intervene. You don't 'make repeated requests', you tell them , or you offer them a choice from 'acceptable activities'.

Not really sure what the occasions are, so difficult to decide how reasonable / unreasonable playing on phones is or isn't, or for people to suggest what might be a good alternative.

Durgasarrow · 09/09/2019 04:31

kids used to play board games.

Pikapikachooo · 09/09/2019 08:30

The problem with the bloody tech is
That they don’t run and play as much as they used to
Mine have become a lot chunkier this summer

Have realised that I am the only fast way to stop it . Bike ride , board games , reading
It’s all on me

Anyway good luck OP , you’ll need it ! We all do

LaurieMarlow · 09/09/2019 08:35

I agree with you OP. It’s such a shame that it’s gone this way. Family functions used to be great opportunities for cousins to bond -rather than be plugged into devices the whole time.

Looks like you need to lead the charge.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 09/09/2019 08:35

If you want to hang around with the adults at this sort of event then you are going to struggle to keep your son away from screens if that’s what all the other children were doing and their parents were fine with it. I’m surprised that you didn’t bring alternative entertainment though - what alternative activity did you expect him to do?

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