AIBU to think kids should be able to survive without screens??

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At a recent family function my DS (5) spent most of the time either watching tv, playing on a tablet or playing on the phone.

ALL the kids were doing this.

I made repeated requests for a change of activity (away from screens) which worked for a short while.

What else could I have done? It wouldn't be fair to have brought reading books or activity books with us. He is too young for some of the games the older kids play and feels frustrated by this sometimes. Other kids age ranges 8-13.

How would you ensure that your 5 year old was sufficiently entertained at a family occasion, in a house, without tv, table and phone? and was IBU to try to restrict this?

Thanks for reading.

You don't "ask" him to have a change of activity at that age... you're his mum tell him "you've had enough screen time, that's not what we've come here to do, turn it off now". Also, I see lots of parents whose children are very unable to play by themselves or imagination games etc because they are over used to the screens. Not sure if this is your case, but just taking it away at a certain moment probably isn't going to stick, it needs to be taken away full stop bar a few treat moments or wind downs if really necessary.

At a family event I would except DD5 to: play with her cousins, do a colouring book, make a scene out of stickers etc. Before we left I would have told her to pick what she wanted to play with whilst there. At a friends wedding age 3 she spent all night playing with three playmobile horses which I probably wouldn't have taken for her but she chose them.

Really not trying to be a sanctimummy but it makes me so sad to see all the children (not talking teens so much) not knowing what to do with themselves or how to play if they don't have a screen...

@Pikapikachooo thanks!

@LaurieMarlow I thought the cousins would spend time, bond and play together. Despite the age gap they sometimes do.

More surprising sometimes the bigger kids do get bored of their phones too!

i think at a party its better to be a little more lienient, if you're concerned by age appropriate games then fair enough make it known but adults eating beige shit, drinking too much whilst watching phones around children at functions isnt ideal either, but there you go.

@ASundayWellSpent I can tell him not to but he's at that age where he wants to make choices so we try to ask him to think about what he could do.

We have a kindle at home and it's mostly gathering dust. We tend to watch a movie or two on the weekends we are at home but other than that it's getting out and about or he plays Lego.

I made repeated requests for a change of activity (away from screens) which worked for a short while.

Blimey, I did not realise you meant the repeated requests were to your child.

He's 5 years old. 'Repeated requests' wouldn't come into it for me if I felt that strongly. I'd give him 10 more minutes, then tell him to do something else.

I have a couple of friends whom I love, but I don't do playdates any more because they just send their kids with screens and the kids just sit there playing with them.

The friends in question make these half-hearted attempts to bat their kids away from the screens ("C'mon, we've brought you here to play, why aren't you playing with each other?") and poking the kids with toys. The kids just ignore them. JUST TAKE THE STUPID OBJECT AWAY, I want to yell at them. I don't, of course. You can't. So we just don't do playdates.

I’m surprised that you didn’t bring alternative entertainment though - what alternative activity did you expect him to do?

I'd imagine the OP believed that the cousins would play with each other. You know, like kids are supposed to. It's a bit hard when you go to these events and everyone has just parked their kids on devices because it makes it hard to be the one parent who won't do that. OP, I agree it sucks, but I think you are going to have to "be the change you want to see" here. I would seriously consider saying something to the other family members. You never know, a lot of them might be quietly thinking the same thing but not wanting to be the one who stands up and says something.

I don’t think you can do this alone. You need to talk to the parents of the other kids, and work out if they are OK with the screens being out all the time, and if not what they think would be suitable alternatives.

If it were me, I think I’d try and set up a games table (Connect 4 etc for younger ones, Exploding Kittens etc for older ones - or whatever their parents say they like) and see if that would work - maybe add some colouring pens, or those little craft kits from the 99p shop. I’ve seen bead-stringing at a family event, but that was because the oldest cousin was happy to take charge of the it, minimise mess, do the knots for the younger ones.

@WorraLiberty I know he is 5. That is the way I chose to handle it. I wanted to give him the chance to think of something else to do. It's little steps and it works for him. He is able to make good choices sometimes with little prompts and feels happier because he has made the choice. Even though he is 5.

It wasn't a big deal, no big arguments or tantrums.

As I said, we have a few more of these events coming up so I had hoped to get ideas to make sure we have options next time.

Thanks everyone for your replies

You don't make repeated requests to a five year old; you give them a direct instruction and expect it to be followed. There's your issue.

Everyone can survive without technology if they need to. It's just that it was easier for you at that point to let him have his. That's fine, but your alternative would have been you playing with him instead of spending time with the adults. You can't have both, and you can't expect other parents to stop their DC using screens just because you want to stop your DC.

Ugh, I hate that kids these days seem so glued to screens, we'll be keeping 2 year old DS away from phones and tablets as long as possible! It's so sad when you see families out for dinner and the kids are glued to screens instead of talking and interacting with the world.

Went to a birthday party yesterday where two children spent most of the party playing alone on screens. Who on earth sends their child to a party and lets this happen? So rude.

@Kokeshi123 that's shocking. Why go to the party at all?

It wasn't a big deal, no big arguments or tantrums.

Well of course there wasn't because despite your wishes, "he spent most of the time either watching tv, playing on a tablet or playing on the phone."

It is a shame, lots of adults have screen addiction too, they watch us on our devices.
I need a screen detox myself, I gave up SM but spend far to much time either reading the news or on MN.

All 3 of mine did, well apart from the odd tv programme. They were rarely allowed to watch the cbbc shit though. I didn't mind something that educated and entertained though.
I think they are very useful at home if the whole family have a bug or flu though.

@Kokeshi123 that is awful.
I wouldn't mind at a wedding towards the end of the night, but never at a childs party.

Play with your child. Get a ball and start playing a game. Take him for a walk. Get out a board game or a deck of cards. Take him to the park. Bake some cookies for the group. Entertain your child basically. That's what most parents do. It's always the lazy parents who stick a screen in front of their kids faces.

Why don't you mention it to the other parents if it bothers you? Just tell them that you think it's a shame that the cousins aren't socialling and suggest a screen ban (for the younger ones at least) at the next gathering. Make it a fun thing, a challenge if you will. Get each child to bring along a board game, lego, playdough, a drawing pad and crayons or anything else they'd like instead of their devices.You never know the other parents may feel the same as you, but don't want to be the one to say anything.

As others have pointed out, if you want to restrict screen usage, you have to replace it with actual interaction with the child. Which is something that many parents are increasingly poor at, often due to their own screen addictions.
Don’t just shove a game at them, be part of the experience or they will be bored, fractious and argumentative with the other children.

When we have family gatherings, the age gap between cousins is 16 years and there are 10 of them. They interact, sometimes with screens and a linked game, sometimes other games. We always go for a long walk if the weather allows, they mess around, play hide and seek...disappear into other rooms with a shared interest.
It’s fun, often noisy, not particularly structured and has worked for over 15 years. But there’s been a lot of subtle adult input too.

We regularly meet up with friends and between us the kids range in age between 8-16. As soon as they get together the X Box is on and they're logged onto the WiFi (maybe not the younger two as they're still happy charging about. However they do seem to get bored after a while and will all go out to the park or hang around outside for an hour before their phones are back out.

I can cope with this as reluctantly I have had to admit that times have changed and tablets and phones are a huge part of a teenagers life. At 5 years old though, I'd hate to see them sitting on a screen all afternoon but if you introduce a game OP, you have to expe t thatvhe will want you to play with him as the older kids may not be bothered.

We have similar age gaps between ds (4 and a half) and his cousins who range from 8 to 12. Plus I have a 1 year old. Family occasions have a no screen rule for all, parents included.

The older ones are fairly inclusive and take it in turns to offer ds the chance to join in with whatever they are playing/doing. I take cars, duplo which dd likes too and colouring stuff. If it's a family function at someone's house we try and steer the kids outdoors for games of football, tag, scavenger hunts etc.

This isn't the kids' fault this is the fault of adults. It makes for an easy life bringing screens - and then we moan that all kids do is look at screens!
Take the phones away! It works... if it's just us at a table we bring playing cards, Dobble, Top Trumps, or Lego of figures, or colouring stuff or pens and paper. We play hangman or paper games. This of course involves actually engaging with your kids!
If there 's a few kids - all these things work, they play with each other then.
If we're going for a big long grp lunch then we aim for somewhere with a beer garden or similar space or private room/space.
For family function - the kids all play together. Parents don't let them use devices ( there's always that one parent but we still say no... as do most of the others.)

We've also done big group lunches where the kids have to sit a tables so after a couple of hours one or two parents volunteer to take the kids outside or to the park quickly or similar, then we take it in turns.
The best thing to do is think about who's coming, the ages of all involved and then try to plan according in terms of venue, space and activities.

I worry that all these children/adults will end up with bad posture/necks.