To feel very alone?

[IceAndASlice123]

I'm facing a lot of work stress and threat of unemployment, worried about a hospital appointment this week and have a chronic bowel disease.
I feel like by the end of this week things will be even worse and I am very scared.
I have nobody to speak to and feel I have to put a brave face on all the time.
Aibu to feel alone and scared? I am terrified things could get a lot worse.

Very anxious what with the job issue and hospital appointment on Thursday.
Using all my strength to pass through, thank you for asking.

17IceAndASlice123, please consider asking your gp for something to help your anxiety. I have propranolol, it slows down my heart racing, and calms me a bit, which calms my thoughts a bit.
I understand your worries and I sympathise. I just think you need a bit of help, to get through this stressful time.

Can I just say, I think you're brave for posting. It's not easy reaching out when you aren't feeling great.
So well done x

@IceAndASlice123 sending my love and prayers to you. Will be thinking of you this week. X

Have you got anything planned for after your appointment if you're feeling wobbly?

I try to make sure things at home are set up for when I get back and have a few gentle/distraction activities planned along with an easy meal in case I'm hungry but can't face food prep or decision making.

Sometimes it can help in the midst of an upsetting appointment to be able to focus on what you're doing afterwards as a way to remind you the appointment will be over soon and you'll have time to come to terms with it. (Helps me anyway, ignore if it doesn't help you.)

Sometimes leaving yourself a little note can help too. Either just kind words of comfort or maybe a reminder of the things you had planned to take care of yourself in case you're feeling too drained to remember. Eg:

"Dear Me... I know you're probably feeling quite low and maybe scared right now, but you did really well today and you can get through tonight. I'm proud of you for battling through this week when it's all been so tough. These things might help... "

(Or a version that works for you)

Might make you feel a little more in control of things to be doing something, however small?

Thank you.
I am thinking about being asked to see an ibd psychologist. Was told by someone that they do have those.
My main fear is being told I have a high level of inflammation and will need another colonoscopy. I found the procedure so tough last year when I was diagnosed and it makes me feel highly anxious the thought of another one.
What with the work stress and feeling like I haven't got anyone to talk to, it just makes me feel awful.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out

Sending positive thoughts your way! Keep posting. We're all out here listening. When things are overwhelming me I just focus on one thing at once - the thing I'm actually doing at that point.

So, I tell myself, I can't think about Thursday at this point, I'm busy working and I just do literally focus utterly on whatever task I'm doing. It does help me get through days when things are tough, so perhaps that might help you? Often just being focused on tidying my desk/typing a letter/washing up or whatever the task is means my brain gets a break from worrying.

Good luck for Thursday, and with work.

Thank you. Helps to have people on side here

Just wanted to say im a random stranger but i care! I think your doing so well getting through this week while feeling so stressed. Your doing a juggling act and surviving and sometimes that's enough.

Much, much, love.

Thank you. That means so much to hear

Good morning!

I'm wishing you an easy going day! Hope you can treat youself to something nice at lunch or do something special for yourself. Your being a trooper.

Sending you love and strength x

Thank you. Feeling very tearful and anxious about the appointment tomorrow. Just hope that I am not kept in if a reading came up high.
I had a blood and inflammation test done a few weeks back and heard nothing about them despite trying hard to get hold of the results .
Hope I can hold it together at work too.

Thanks for the good thoughts x

Hopefully if you didn't hear anything about the tests it means they were ok. Or at least not terrible. If they meant you needed urgent treatment someone would have contacted you.

And remember, even if they do recommend another colonoscopy you don't have to agree and you don't have to agree immediately. Nobody can force you. I know it's a bit of a catch 22 situation, but you do have choices even if they're not the choices you'd hope for.

I would really recommend asking to see the ibd/ clinical health psychologist - they can be brilliant and really practical. They might have a little bit of a waiting list but if you ask now things can get started.

It might be they could help you look at things that could be done differently by the hospital to support you, especially with any future colonoscopies. It's not supposed to be "this is how we do things, tough luck if that damaged your mental health". Protecting your mental health is important too.

There are things that can be done, although it might be hard right now to imagine what they are.

So even if they say they would like you to have another colonoscopy you can say "I can't cope with that right now, I will need some support to be able to consider that." And then ask for the referral to psychology, do some work with them to build a plan and help you make a decision.

(You might have other priorities. I'm just using this as an example of something causing you a lot of distress right now that they could help with in practical ways.)

Take care

The suspense sounds like a lot to deal with tbh and then not having your blood results yet despite trying to get them must add a layer of frustration so I -random on the internet- think its understandable to be tearful and anxious! Your normal. I'm sure once your at work you have the muster to get through and if you can't that's fine. No pressure on yourself you have enough going on xx

Hi OP, just joining the ranks of people wishing you well and offering a handhold to get you through til tomorrow. Will be thinking of you and hoping your appointment goes well

Very overwhelmed by these responses. Thank you.
I do feel like the suspense of my job future and test results is creating a ton of stress. I am trying to keep busy today so I don't start worrying about being kept in hospital or talked into having a procedure.
I would hope that if something came up really high they would call me but they haven't in the past. I have e-mailed and called in a few times to get them, always get a reply saying they will go and check but then I hear nothing back. It's been very stressful.

Anybody would find that stressful. I hope you're not being too hard on yourself for feeling stressed.

I also hope you got through the rest of the day ok and manage to eat something this evening and get some sleep tonight.

Remember even if you feel you were talked into something during the appointment that you later decide you don't want to do - that's ok. Nobody can force you. Even if you turn up for a procedure you can still change your mind once you're in the room about to start. It's ok to do that. People do and the staff get over it!

I think it's important you hear that. Especially for something invasive like a colonoscopy you need to feel you had a free choice not that you were pushed into it against you wished - it makes a huge difference to how you cope with it.

*against your wishes

Forgot my other comment. I was thinking earlier on other options for you to connect with other people and get support. Have you heard of Elefriends?

It's an online community moderated by Mind, so it's focused on peer support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. I used it for a while when things were really tough and it made me feel less alone. It can really help knowing that day or night you can connect with other people who relate to what you're going through. (Its also a bit more gentle than this place sometimes is.)

Just thought I'd mention it as an idea of an extra thing to maybe add in, so you have more options open to you than just here or just a community group for an hour a week. They can all bring you different things that might make life a bit better for you.

www.elefriends.org.uk

Thank you Eladen. It's tough when you are in the consulting room and feel under pressure to agree. My doctors can be quite pushy and I feel like I don't have a say in my treatment. I raised this in the patient feedback form last time.
Today is nearly over. Tomorrow is going to be tough but again, have to find the strength to get through it somehow. I hope the results are ok but know they havent't contacted me in the past when they have been bad which is what worries me.

Feel very lonely tonight and scared so will look into that link you posted.

I hope it helps. There are lots of us internet randomers who do care. There's also Samaritans if you want to have a frank anonymous email conversation (you don't have to be suicidal to talk to them): [email protected]

I've been there with pushy doctors so please don't think I was suggesting it's easy to stand your ground. I know it's much easier for me to say than you to do. I'm writing as someone who's been railroaded into procedures that mentally hurt me myself, so I was probably trying to be the loud "you don't have to do this" voice for you that I wish I had. If I've come across as minimising how difficult it is I apologise.

Someone once told me that they're pushy because their training/mindset is rigidly focused on fixing up bodies and they're not looking at the big picture of what's going on for you and of what they're saying means to your life. All they're thinking about is their very narrow view of trying to "fix" the bit they're looking at without considering anything else. They have their own anxieties about being a crap doctor if they don't do all their fixing up stuff. You have the context, you get to decide and YOU get to overrule them. Even if it's just that you need more thinking time first!

You clearly do have a great deal of strength within you even though you're feeling afraid tonight. Take it one minute at a time if you have to - the only thing that's real is what's happening right now, not what awaits tomorrow.

Do you have anything calming you can take with you for the waiting room? Like soothing photos to flick through, a picture book on your phone, music to shut out the hospital noise, some kind of gadget to occupy your hands, a soft jumper to hold on your lap as a comforter, or whatever works for you?

That was supposed to be short. Sorry.

Thank you. Yes. I might take a jumper to hold onto. Something that will bring some comfort.
Definitely didn't come across as you minimising anything. I appreciate the support x

Try to look at it as one step at a time. The step for one day may be a nice meal that you cook but the next something more serious. Set your own controllable goals for each day. Meet those goals and you will naturally empower yourself to take on more. Eventually with this your be running the country