To ask when and how you became financially stable?

[GabbyChalice400]

Me and DP are young. We have a baby and have been renting our first house for the past year.

But we're always skint, living hand to mouth 24/7. I'd love to not have to worry about money, but it seems like we're never going to get there. We earn less than 40k between us.

Has anyone else been skint and eventually ended up getting on track? Please give me your stories so I can feel somewhat hopeful for our future!

I think it’s down to attitude too, me and my dp aren’t very financially stable and we live hand to mouth too. I’d say I’m better with the finances than him but I’m still shit. I just ensure our bills are paid on time and don’t spend mega bucks on the weekly shop.

I do put some away in savings but my dp isn’t good with budgeting and would talk me into buying him his fags for the next week out of the savings but it’s okay because he will put it back in on Friday when he gets paid. Never does.

When I was younger I did have a lot of credit, car finances, 2 catalogues, pay day loans, credit cards, loans and did eventually get into trouble with the cards and the catalogues but I do think you need to be young and dumb to be old and wise.

If I could go back I wouldn’t bother having the car on finance, or any of the things I did - I’m still paying some things off now and I took the lines of credit out like 4+ years ago! And if I’m being honest I did it to impress my friends more than anything.

@Heartburn888 You sound exactly like me

We're low earners. My advice would be to work out all your outgoings and see how much money you have left then stick to a budget for food shopping. Do meal planning. We also draw out spending money each week and have to stick to it. And regularly review your utility suppliers and make sure you have the best deal. Don't buy take away coffees and food.
Try to think of extra ways you can bring in a bit of cash. I often dabble with a bit of ebaying to make a bit morw when needed. .I did mystery shopping for a bit too. Something you can do when out with the baby. I also work a second job now, 3 evenings a week when my husband gets in..I think a lot of people are struggling. Everything is so expensive.

It’s difficult if you have children before building up careers and getting onto the property ladder. In your shoes, I’d probably work a lot of overtime, considered training to be able to get a better job and save.

And educated yourself on personal finance like pensions, insurance, mortgages, ISAs, LISAs etc

There's no opportunity for overtime at work.

However, I am training for a qualification in financial operations and I already hold qualifications in financial services and insurances, so I'm hoping I can either progress in my current role or find a better, more well paid job

Always being employed with pensions, even after the dcs. Was pt and then moved to ft when they were at school. Moved jobs for more money.

Always saving, but not in cash. Used stocks and shares ISAs and pensions. The stock market has generally appreciated considerably over the last 2 decades and the investments have done well without much management or time investment.

Big mortgage (inevitable in London) and hence a lot of our assets are tied up in the matrimonial property. We upgraded twice for a bigger house in a better location and hence even though we paid off the mortgage, got saddled with an even bigger one. However, we are disciplined in overpaying and re-mortgaging every 2-3 years the minute the discounted period ran out. There is almost no gap between the time the discount runs out and moving onto a new mortgage or product. It costs hundreds in extra interest per month if you end up on SVR.

Being frugal in expenditure per Dungeon. We don't throw anything that is still working and use stuff until the wheels come off.

Actually, I've re-read my previous post and I missed out the one glaring thing that stands out in family & friends... Choose your life partner well!

You can go far as a team pulling in same direction, but a dead weight partner who's not on the same page just undoes all hard work.. it's like a millstone around your neck.

I've got friends who carried their waster partners for years but the 1 improvement to their lives was to get rid! In one family members case, I have an uncle with a very materialistic wife who works full-time Inna stressful hard job (early hours, long shifts, physical, outside).. he's working to pay to redecorate the house every year because his wife wants to.. it doesn't make sense.. every year they earn £x between them, and every year they spend £x on frivolous shit... No betterment of their financial position at all, it's a waste of time... If I didn't think my life and financial position was getting better as I head towards retirement, honestly, just treading water.. I'd be depressed at why I was working so hard.

3 kids.

I studied Chemical Engineering and worked abroad at 22. I did very well at my first job and was promoted twice in 2 years. I did some consultancy work for my immediate manager designing a mineral waste reclamation plant for a Chinese firm. I received a large 5 figure payout for this design and provided ongoing support for commissioning the plant as well. At 24, I went into consultancy full time with my then manager now business partner and we do similar work for a lot of firms overseas. I got lucky and had a boss who believed in me and took a chance on me. I have also studied further, and am 29 now, and partner in a very successful business. I did spend the first two years of my career living hand to mouth as I lived in a very expensive part of the world and my decent salary left me with nothing at the end of the month.

I did nothing special, most people work harder than me and are not rewarded as well as they should be. I was just fortunate to have someone take a chance on me, despite my age and inexperience.

Had an idea when I first started working that I wanted to always have a cushion in case I lost my job. I didn't want to be back at square one every single time. So I started to save, a small enough amount each month that I wouldn't miss and dip into all the time. Now I feel more stabilised just for having some savings. I'm not on a high salary but I like not having to worry too much, or if I wanted to travel at any time I can drop everything and do that too without stressing

Leaving the U.K. made a big difference for us. We earn more money for the same jobs and the cost of living is lower. Our U.K. house is also rented out and we make a tidy profit even with renting it to a friend below market. Still not sure if we want to stay here long term though, the extra disposable income doesn’t make up for missing family and friends. We’ve never truly been skint though, when we were earning shit money straight out of uni we received a lot of help from our parents.

We had our children young, before we had a chance to establish our careers. But we both had really good degrees and had jobs that allowed growth. I continued with education when my kids were small, which has now led me into a fantastic job and DH worked his way into a great career. We were very poor when the kids were small, but we both put a lot of work into bettering our situation, I also think having kids first is good in many ways as you don’t take a break at crucial points in your career.

I’m 50 and still have achieved it.

I was a lone parent for several years, worked part time, and was on better money (because of government tax credits) than I am now, newly married, just redundant, and tax credits decide I no longer get any tax credits now as they overpaid me five grand last year.

My husband works, but I’ve posted before, I had something like 15p in my bank account a few weeks ago, today I have £80.

I’ve alwYs worked bar when the children were pre-school, had good paying jobs, and bad, have good qualifications, but moved around a lot, never had ‘careers’, and never had savings.

I think having savings would have given me some financial stability now, but it’s too late (shrug emoji).

Invest your time and money wisely, keep a work-life balance. Maybe you’ll be lucky,

*still have NOT achieved that should say

In a nutshell: While on 16k a year I lived like I was on 13k and invested the rest (250/mth) and consistantly applied for jobs that utlised my experience and allowed me to build new skills. Like a man would. Every time my salary increased my monthly investment direct debit would increase proportionally. I also researched skills / qualifications / industries that would allow me to earn the most. I lived like a pauper compared to my friends for most of my twenties (bought a small house when I was 29) but in my thirties now and I earn more / save more than my friends who didn’t have to do what I did. I was always careful with money but I am now even more so - and I find as the thousands add up in your portfolio you tend to be less inclined to spend it!

A husband joining into this one....

I'm married with two kids. Living in Sydney with a single income of $80k before tax. We are able to afford life needs like rent ($580 a week), groceries, utility bills, petrol for 2x cars, health insurance ect. Sydney is ridiculously expensive though and we're only just able afford our life needs each week.

I'm an avid saver and worked hard over 6 years to save a good savings of $45,000. Wifey is not, and has excessive spending habits and buys top of the line baby clothes, and women clothing, expects to eat out multiple times a week, go out with girlfriends and spend $60+ on alcohol alone. Her wardrobe is what you'd expect someone to wear who's on at least a dual income or $120,000+... She has extremely expensive taste and has blown our savings down to $5400 in two years.

I’d like to hear your thoughts and opinions on weekly monthly budgets and how much you spend outside of actual groceries and mortgage or rent.

Currently I feel my wife is spending way too much at the moment and has spent $7000 in three months.

This is extra spending outside of groceries and rent petrol bills ect.

I’d like to know your thoughts on this.

Every time I bring up finances as a conversation, arguments begin.
Married, two kids, single income, I pay for everything. My daughter is also in Kindy which costs $6500 a year... we also pay bupa heath insurance. I feel so stressed and pressured all the time as every dollar I make I don’t even get to spend on myself.

Do your families have a weekly entertainment budget like eating out and social life? We have a family budget but my wife also spends $100 week extra on herself but I think she hasn’t been sticking to budgets and it’s blowing out our savings.

Our groceries budgets blows out each week too. Was originally $200 but sometimes $300 now 😞

Kind regards,

A stressed out hard working husband who also puts in the hard yards every morning and afternoon to get kids ready for the day and evening, who hangs up washing, is an avid tidier and house cleaner. Not lazy and feels to deserve more respect I guess for the family finances and as a human. I feel our financial wellbeing is constantly jeopardised for careless selfish purchases for the latest shoes, clothes and experiences. Like I said, we are on income. Okay rant over.

@MitchellR oh dear. Does she work? I presume so if your kids are at nursery. Have to written down your income and outgoings to show her?

We both earn decent wages now. Mine slightly higher. Combined £90k. We only eat out as a treat. I tend to buy Waitrose dine in for £10 meals rather than take away. DH is not a big spender. He found our garden chairs in a skip! I increased my capacity to earn by studying a Masters a few years ago and now earn £15k higher a year than I was. I bought my first house for £35k sold it for £65k. We bought second house together for £87k and sold for £295k. Moved again 2 years ago.

It is partly luck OP. I got a basic admin job and was quickly promoted to a role with a comfortable salary due to restructuring and staff resignations. I would not otherwise have got this job. This enabled me to buy a reliable new car outright and train as a nurse over a few years. I live in a country where nursing is relatively well paid so I’m not earning crap NHS money. I met a man who earns an above average salary and is motivated. We have the good luck to live in a nice but quite affordable city so buying a house was possible.
We don’t have credit cards, car loans or any debt other than a mortgage. I grew up pretty skint so I can easily economise on food, outings etc without feeling deprived. However now I can afford to do so, when it comes to the bigger clothes purchases I buy quality items. My mum bought me a pair of boots for £105 in 2007 and I just recently got them resoled. Compare that to paying £35ish every year or two for a new poor quality pair? In many ways it is very expensive being poor.

Difficult childhood, knew I had no one to turn to
Worked from 13, started saving, started investing as an older teen
Put myself through University with zero parental help
Relocated twice for work moving hundreds of miles
Lived on noodles and in houses with mice running round the kitchen when young
Met and married a man from an exceptionally privileged background, we met at work. We both had/have really decent jobs. The differences in our childhoods could not be further apart. Paid off our mortgage in seven years due to spectacular luck with a high risk investment.

To the guy whose wife is spending a lot in a selfish way, I would divorce someone so selfish and crap with money. If after serious discussion nothing changed. MN is always a supporter of joint accounts which is what you have, I have never had a joint account with my DH and I have been married for 20 years.

I

Dh and I went to university in the 1980s, so no fees and graduated with no debts. We have always saved money at the beginning of the month - if it's not there you can't spend it.
However, the real game changer was working overseas, currently in China, and being prepared to go somewhere that not everyone is keen on.

This was me and dp 5 years ago with our first child. So poor that we had to sit at home on a Sunday, couldn't leave the house. Had no money to heat the house with a new baby. I remember times that the baby was sick and needed to go to the doctor and I had to wait a few days to bring him as I was waiting for money to come through. we struggled to pay the rent every month.
After my maternity leave ended I went back to work as a trainee on low wages. Again it was tough and we had to pay childcare on top of everything else. But I kept my head down, got my work experience done for my qualification and now have a much better job in a great company. The money is better and I have lots of benefits including one which I am enjoying right now - full maternity pay.
Dp kept working hard but changed jobs 3 years ago. He had experience in the job but went in and kept his head down and worked hard. As a result they have sent him on courses and he has earned promotions.
Overall we now earn 4 times as much weekly as we did 5 years ago. We can give our 5 year old (And newborn) opportunities that we never had as children. We have a huge chunk of our mortgage deposit saved and hope to start building our dream house early next year.
I'm 29 now and finally feel like we can say we are doing well.

@MitchellR

You need to work out a proper budget and watch your bank accounts carefully, as even you seem unsure whether your wife is actually sticking to what has been agreed. Maybe everyone gets their spending money in cash each fortnight so they can keep track of it and when it is gone, it is gone. When you say that discussing money leads to arguments, what does your wife say?

What stood out to me was that you earn approx $2350/fortnight after tax and pay $1160 rent and $250 kindy. That leaves $940 for running two cars, utilities, groceries and everything else for two adults and two children. That is madness. Almost 50% of your income is used for rent. Why do you need to live in Sydney? You’re not earning a ‘Sydney’ wage. Either that or you need to increase the family income somehow, can your wife go back to work? Do you have family in Sydney who can do free or cheap childcare for you?

You can go far as a team pulling in same direction, but a dead weight partner who's not on the same page just undoes all hard work.. it's like a millstone around your neck.

This is so, so important.

Just like how one of the most important decisions you can make for your future children’s well-being is the father you have them with, one of the most crucial choices you will make that impacts your future financial security is who you partner up with. Look at MitchellR’s story above (I’m sorry man, I have no real advice for you other than couples counselling and divorce if your wife isn’t able to work with you as a team).

Having similar attitudes to money is more important than someone being a high earner imo as plenty of people on high wages spend their entire salary and then some. But I can’t tell you what a difference it makes being in a relationship with someone who’s very financially minded and earning well compared to being with someone who’s shocking with money (like I used to be!) and earning minimum wage with no prospect for more. Kids cost money and I wouldn’t have settled down and procreated with someone who couldn’t bring to the table what I could and whose income wouldn’t enable us to have any choices in life. Stuff like us atm deciding on whether I go back from mat leave at nine months when my pay drop to zero, or take another three months unpaid. We have savings in the bank so decided I’ll take the year as that extra three months unpaid leave with baby while they’re so tiny still is worth the loss of income and we can afford it. Without savings I’d have no choice but to go back ASAP and to work full time.

Make sure you’re with someone who is a true partner and teammate.

Choose a career that is in high demand. Retrain if you must. There is no point to put so much work and years of your life if it is dead end with high competition.

Find a boss who believes in you. My salary had increased by 50% under one boss. It is easier to negotiate for a higher salary when you are already on one. Sadly, this is how recruitment works.

As a PP said, treat yourself occassionally but buy things that appreciate in value. And choose quality over fashion. I would not buy cheap clothing as they don't last after a few laundrying. I'm always baffled at how much people spend in say Primark. All those cheap items add up and they are disposable fashion.

1.. Buy, don't rent, it's dead money
2.. Don't have children early
3.. Do not ever be a SAHP
4.. Make sure you have adequate child care so you don't look light weight at work (Its the truth)
5.. Pick a job with a good pension, sickness, redundancy, death in service scheme - eg local council, NHS
6.. Don't go to Waitrose when there is a Lidl round the corner
7.. Dont smoke or get into the bottle of wine a day habit
8.. Take packed lunches
9.. Avoid Starbucks etc
10.. save on payday, not at the end of the month because you wont have any left.

I love this thread. I got rid of my stbxh not least because of his selfish ways with money.