Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Now you'll get a break every other weekend"

27 replies

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 08/09/2019 20:09

...as STBXH/P will have your DC. I've seen this written here so many times. Some people seem to think this is some sort of law. If a non-resident parent doesn't want their DC overnight (or at all) there is nothing that the resident parent can do!! This is a sore point. Rant over.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 08/09/2019 20:14

Your ex doesn't want to see their children Sad

Original poster
MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 08/09/2019 20:19

I can deal with exs uselessness. It's just annoying that people seem to think that eow is automatic and give it out as advice on here to people who are sepatating from their partners

OP posts:
worriedandannoyed · 08/09/2019 20:24

Oh yes I get this all the time. My ex takes the kids to the park then for a kfc once a week if they're lucky. I haven't had a night off since last year. It's really hard work x

user1468348545 · 08/09/2019 20:25

I'm with you. My ex used to see him about 5 times a year as he moved away. Now he doesnt at all. It's not an automatic thing like a lot of people seem to think.

Love51 · 08/09/2019 20:27

I worked with someone who expressed to me that single parents have it easier as they get regular breaks. I hope she didn't say it to our other colleague who soon after had a messy divorce. I am not separated and still get occasional breaks, that might be a factor in why I'm still married! If one partner is not pulling their weight when the relationship is in tact, I don't see any reason to expect that to change when the relationship breaks down.

busybarbara · 08/09/2019 20:29

A parent who won't take their own children for half of the time clearly does not love them enough and should be removed from any custody situation imo

squeakybike · 08/09/2019 20:36

I don't see my exH having my son EOW as a break. I find it upsetting and I miss my son dearly.

Blackopal · 08/09/2019 20:40

Yanbu! I apparently will even be going on crazy girls holidays etc.

In reality no overnights in the two years etc.

BarbarAnna · 08/09/2019 21:01

I am friends with quite a few couples who have split relatively amicably and they do seem to lead very charmed lives (on social media at least). Lots of child free times and holidays, lovely treats with the kids, instagramming the hell out of everything. New partners on both sides. I guess if it has worked out for some, they find it difficult to understand how not for all. I was genuinely shocked when a friend split from her DH and he didn’t want to see their DD. I was like - can’t they make him - and then realised what a horrific thing I was suggesting.

Original poster
MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 08/09/2019 21:06

Blackopal we should book that crazy (non-existant) holiday together!
Actually I'm quite glad DC doesn't spend more time with their useless dad.
Busybarbara - when I am prime minister (I will just elect myself) I will force all absent parents to spend the equivalent time, energy and annual leave doing public service instead of the parenting they've opted out of. The streets will be spotless

OP posts:
boptist · 08/09/2019 21:07

To be fair to posters, it's reasonable to assume that most parents will care for their children. That is what they are presuming of your exes.

OwlBeThere · 08/09/2019 21:10

I do have EOW ‘off’. Technically. In reality those 4 days a month are the only time I have to do anything I need to do without eyes in my arse as I have 2 kids with ASD. Until ex and I seperated I hadn’t had a full nights sleep in 14 years.

PinkFlamingoAteMyLipstick · 08/09/2019 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

busybarbara · 08/09/2019 21:30

@MyMushroomsInATimeSlip and you will get my vote!!

AmIChangingagain · 08/09/2019 21:40

If only

Once every three years. If DD is lucky

InTheShadowOfTheMushroomCloud · 08/09/2019 21:47

My ex husband told me he wouldn't ever have the DDs over night as that could mean I could go out/away...

Then he disappeared for 15 years...no cards for birthdays etc. nothing. Rang the CSA on every birthday apparently to check if he still needed to pay.

Then eight months ago started seeing DD2 who was pregnant. Baby born and named after him.....! That fucking hurt.

I felt as if I had been betrayed...

IceAndASlice123 · 08/09/2019 21:48

I also know a couple who seem to love their childfree weekends, split recently but not amicably although both have new partners and always posting on social media about their fun trips away. Seems to work very well for them.

Meercatsarecats · 08/09/2019 21:51

My ex has our child every weekend, but it's not a break because I use that time to work. I have to work stupid hours because he doesn't pay maintenance.
I suppose I am free to go for a drink on a Saturday night but after a 10 hour shift on my feet, most weeks I don't feel like it.
I've run around working, doing school runs, dinner, bed time, homework and general life and running a house all week.
This weekend I've spent 3 hours with my child. I don't count myself lucky for that.
Some people are dicks with no emoathy or understanding op, I'm sorry.

Original poster
MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 08/09/2019 21:56

Iceandaslice123 - That's great and I'm sure those adults and children are happy. My post is about people presuming this is a given and advising others as such

OP posts:
ColaFreezePop · 08/09/2019 21:57

@PinkFamingoAteMyLipstick what we are presuming even if they are a CF over money they would actually want to see their children.

RoseMartha · 08/09/2019 22:23

My dc only see their dad in the day, sometimes for eight hours sometimes for two , or somewhere in between this. More often than not when it is convenient for him.

In school holidays: about one day a week. (Without me present).

Term time: one afternoon after school a fortnight (with me also present, this is necessary).
and one whole day on a weekend every three weeks or so (without me present).

I would like it to progress to the whole day and one night every three weeks or so, but there are many complications to the situation. And it may be some months or longer before this is even attempted.

I usually either work, rush about doing errands for myself and kids, or elderly parents, or visit parents or do my housework during the time they are with him. No actual chilling out time for me is actually involved.

Sotiredofthislife · 08/09/2019 22:25

My ex has our child every weekend, but it's not a break because I use that time to work. I have to work stupid hours because he doesn't pay maintenance

Yep. Me too. No rest for the wicked.

megletthesecond · 08/09/2019 22:28

Yanbu.

I think it's baffling when it's trotted out on here. Actually, he may not see them every other weekend (mine wouldn't, he went a decade ago) and the resident parent will have a battle getting maintenance.

Kahlua4me · 08/09/2019 22:45

InTheShadowOfTheMushroomCloud, I bet that did hurt. I can imagine how you must have felt.
Did your daughter not realise how that would affect you or was it just her hormonal reaction to her dad suddenly being on the scene again?

Graphista · 08/09/2019 22:51

"when I am prime minister (I will just elect myself) I will force all absent parents to spend the equivalent time, energy and annual leave doing public service instead of the parenting they've opted out of. The streets will be spotless" I'd vote for that op!

My ex was uninterested pretty much as soon as we split, with hindsight I wish I hadn't made as much effort as I did to keep him in dds life as she'd have been better off with him disappearing when she was too young to remember.

Now she's 18, hasn't seen him since she was 12/13 but he occasionally gets in touch which just messes with her head!

He never paid maintenance properly either.