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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU . . . To use a similar name?

90 replies

BabyCOnBoard · 08/09/2019 19:23

Hi all,

I have a feeling I am being unreasonable but I just want to check . . .

My friend recently had a baby girl and I’m currently 39 weeks pregnant! I hadn’t decided my baby girl name to use but recently I love a particular name that happens to be very similar to hers (her DD is Lillian and I like the name Lilia) Do you think it would be unreasonable for me to use this name? she picked first and it’s not exactly a name I had my heart set on from the start so I worry it might ruffle some feathers!I don’t see her everyday as we don’t live too near each other but we are quite close. Can I get away with it as it’s slightly different or should I go back to the drawing board?

Fingers crossed I have a boy and I won’t have to worry! 😂 xx

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/09/2019 22:24

If you dont really love it then just pick something different. There are plenty of websites where you put a name in and it comes up with similar options. Though if you only see her a couple of times a year I guess its unlikely to matter if you piss her off

Anontodayandfedup · 08/09/2019 22:42

I wouldn't

I called DS after someone very close to me (an adult). (I know this is different, but hear me out!). I thought it would be lovely, the person who has the same name is v amazing, and will never not be.

However, at least once a day when I say DS's name, I think of this person. Sometimes that's ok, but sometimes it really isn't because things have happened to that person now and there is a lot of sadness when I think of him, which now arises at least once a day when I speak to my DS. Sure it's only fleeting, and not every time I call his name. But with hindsight I think I'd have gone for a name with no current associations.

What if things turn sour with your friend? Or Lillian has a horrible accident? Or commits a horrible crime? Or does something you can't forget? How will you feel each time you call your own child's name and this pops into your head?

I'd avoid ....

Sunshine93 · 08/09/2019 22:50

Some of the responses on here are a bit weird, it's a name, you're not stealing her husband or something. Personally I would tell my friend that Lilia is my girls name and I hope she won't be offended if I do have a Lilia now that she has a Lilian. If she actually said she did mind I probably wouldn't use it. Something similar happened to me in that a friend had a baby while I was pregnant and used the boys name we had chosen. It was a firm favourite of ours so I just told her that we might use it too. In the end we had a girl. She and I live far apart so they wouldn't have grown up close.

I wouldn't do it with a really closely connected best friend or a family member as they are likely to grow up close and it would be annoying for them I think. I also wouldn't do it if they are probably going to end up at school together.

Sunshine93 · 08/09/2019 22:53

I know this isn't a thread where you've asked our opinion but I just remembered that we discounted Lilia because it sounds a little like labia. I think it's a lovely name not weak at all but once I had that thought I couldn't get it out of my head!

Greentulips it's not a sibling though it's a friend. They may lose touch or move away the children may not even really know each other.

halloumi2019 · 08/09/2019 22:57

I think it’s too similar.

By all means do it, but don’t expect your friend to be impressed or happy, be prepared for her to distance herself from you

june2007 · 08/09/2019 23:03

Lilia is not the same name so I would say it's fine. (Any way my mum doesn't like Lillian which is her first name and always uses her middle name, it was years before I realised that Lillian was her first name.)

SudowoodoVoodoo · 08/09/2019 23:09

If you were very set on the name for a long time with a clear emotional reason, I'd say go ahead, but there's a lot of lovely names out there. Is there a need to risk raising eyebrows with a name one letter different?

There are a lot of names like Lily, Lila, Ellie, Ella, Lara etc and a class list of girls' names can sound like a toungue twister of lots of phonetically similar names. They are popular with good reason, but with so many similar names they lose their distinctiveness when together.

FlamedToACrisp · 08/09/2019 23:31

Lilia is a pretty name, but I think your friend would feel as if you were copying her choice. I wouldn't if I were you.

How about Ariella, or Delia?

Ariadnepersephonecloud · 08/09/2019 23:38

I think it's too close, and I don't like it - not that that matters 😁 There are so many Lily's (and Lily like names) in my daughters school that they are known by surnames too, eg Lily Brown, Lilly Green etc.

Hollyhobbi · 08/09/2019 23:52

My grandfather, my dad and a first cousin of mine all have the same name. Two of my first cousins had the same name. My sister and another first cousin have a very similar name. Never caused any problems.

Neveam · 08/09/2019 23:58

Personally I avoid names if they're similar to family or friends names or their kids, it puts me off straight away even if I like it. It's just odd.

There's other names that are a variation of Lillian. Or sound similar.

We took the whole 6 weeks to name our last, don't worry! 😉

fergusthefrog · 09/09/2019 00:01

She doesn't own the name, it's none of her business what you call your DD therefore I'd always say go for it.

People who get precious about this clearly don't have much going on so I'd really go with your first choice and tell her to get a grip if it was an issue!

Neveam · 09/09/2019 00:02

Lilia* sorry.

OwlBeThere · 09/09/2019 00:07

@fergusthefrog believe me I have plenty going on, and if the name was more common I might not feel like I do, but my DS is literally the only child I know with his name and the fact my friend has used it just makes me feel silly. Even though it’s her that clearly copied. I wouldn’t mind as much but she was quite scathing about it when he was born 14 years ago so it’s baffling to me that she used it. It just feels weird and wrong every time she uses it.

Durgasarrow · 09/09/2019 04:26

A woman I worked withwho I hatednamed her kid after both my kids. (first name, middle name). (She hated me, too). And I think it's hilarious. so go for it!

Monty27 · 09/09/2019 04:34

I think the sanitary stuff was Lil-lets
"The best a girl can get"
I always loved the name Lola
OP you will get in trouble if you use Lilia

PapayaCoconut · 09/09/2019 05:01

There's a really, really sad movie about a poor little teenage girl who is sex trafficked to Sweden, called "Lilya 4-ever". Anyone who knows that movie will think about that when they hear they name. Not a good connotation... 😢

CrystalShark · 09/09/2019 05:24

Of course YANBU. It’s not even the same name! And even if it were, you’d still not BU. Nobody owns a name. We’ve chosen our baby’s name, if a friend used it for their child too I’d either be flattered that our top choice appealed so much to them or assume they had their own reasons for using it (like how lots of people name babies after relatives). Your friend would BVU to have an issue with this. Congrats on the baby!

Mamabear88 · 15/09/2019 12:09

I really wouldn't if you value your friendship with this woman at all. Ok it's not exactly the same name but it's virtually identical and if I were her and my close friend copied my babies name i'd be fuming. She might not openly admit it to you but i'd be very surprised if she wasn't bothered and I think there will be some resentment there. There's plenty more names in the world, why upset the apple cart over a name you admit yourself you only started liking since she chose it?

PositiveVibez · 15/09/2019 12:14

Lilly is a twee name for a fanny where I come from. Every time I hear the names Lilly/lillian or Molly it just makes me think of fannies.

Thiswayorthatway · 15/09/2019 12:14

Choose whatever name you like

nonmerci · 15/09/2019 12:27

No, I wouldn’t do this. We had our DS and a few weeks later DH’s best friend found out his fiancée was expecting. They immediately said if it was a boy they wanted to use an obvious diminutive of our DS’s name. So for example, our DS is Frederick and they wanted to use Freddie (except it’s not as common as Freddie).

It filled me with absolute rage! Thankfully they had a girl so it didn’t really matter Grin. The name means a lot to DH and I and our DS is a ‘rainbow baby’ so he was born after lots of pain and sorrow. I just thought of all the names they could have chosen, it didn’t have to be that one.

nonmerci · 15/09/2019 12:29

I think I resented them for taking the shine off DS’s birth in a way announcing the pregnancy as soon as she’d peed on a stick then saying they wanted to basically use the same name as us. I haven’t thought of them in the same light since.

isitautumnyet · 15/09/2019 12:31

Op just to let you know the daily mail newspaper has stolen this thread and has written an article about it on their website x

Pregnant17wks · 15/09/2019 12:34

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!!! At the end of the day it's a name and also YOUR baby and If that's what you want to call her then it's entirely your decision!!! Forget what other people say it's up to you! Regardless of what your friends baby is called.