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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding one!!

49 replies

BrieAndChilli · 08/09/2019 01:44

My sister has booked to get married in Jamaica next year. She ‘really wants us to go’ no one else is invited (part of the reason they are going abroad) but it’s going to cost upwards of 7k!!! She was originally looking at places in Europe which we could have probably have stretched to/gone for a couple of days.
I feel really bad saying no we can’t go but AIBU to think of it was as important for us to go as she keeps saying it is and we are likely the only guests she would have thought about the cost to us?
She’s entitled to get married wherever she wants but she can’t have it both ways!!!

OP posts:
TheRebelAlliance · 08/09/2019 01:51

How is it costing £7k to go to jamaica?

How many people?

Jollitwiglet · 08/09/2019 01:52

YANBU

As you day, she can get married where she wants but can't have a destination wedding and be upset when people can't attend

Original poster
BrieAndChilli · 08/09/2019 01:52

5 people so need 2 rooms, all inclusive may half term at the hotel she has booked.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 08/09/2019 01:52

Sorry, can’t afford it. Done

Original poster
BrieAndChilli · 08/09/2019 01:55

Yes I have said we can’t afford it but it’s the constant comments of ‘oh we just want you there’ ‘we don’t care about anyone else, we just want you and the kids to come’ etc that’s annoying me!

OP posts:
Babysharkisanearworm · 08/09/2019 01:57

Then take a trip to Gretna and we can all.come but AI in Jamaica in half term is too expensive.

Original poster
BrieAndChilli · 08/09/2019 01:58

Plus this week we have had DHs mum (who is in Dubai visiting SIL) saying to get saving as she will take the kids next time - DH reply was um no if you want to take them you can pay and we aren’t paying to go to Dubai (he hates the idea of the place)
Just feel everyone is trying to pressure us to spends a fortune on holidays we don’t want to go on! If I had £7k I can think of much better places with a lot more culture and things to do than sit on a beach/pool!!

OP posts:
SachaStark · 08/09/2019 01:58

Tell her that wishing won’t make the money tree grow, so she may as well stop mentioning it.

Really, if she’s insisting on only you and your family to be guests, then she ought to be paying for your attendance, as you would at an ordinary UK wedding!

LemonPrism · 08/09/2019 02:02

Have you checked Airbnb for a cheaper villa?

Boom45 · 08/09/2019 02:05

I couldn't afford to go to Jamaica for anybody's wedding (even with a cheaper Airbnb or whatever). I don't have £7k, especially not for a wedding. It's perfectly reasonable to just say no and keep saying no.

BitOfFun · 08/09/2019 02:15

If she wants you there that badly, I'd expect her to pay, or at least heavily subsidise you.

People who arrange destination weddings really should accept that there is a distinct possibility they will have no guests.

Durgasarrow · 08/09/2019 02:50

That is an astounding amount of money. No.

StoneofDestiny · 08/09/2019 03:28

No way!

Derbee · 08/09/2019 03:48

Do not do Airbnb in Jamaica. It’s not safe. Many Caribbean countries are absolutely fine and lovely, but Jamaica is not a safe option outside of resorts.

SaraNade · 08/09/2019 06:42

These people who have destination weddings are so selfish. I would say no, on principle. I would never attend a destination wedding, no matter WHO it is. This stupid fad really needs to stop. Angry

mediumbrownmug · 08/09/2019 07:05

YANBU. Next time she says she wishes you could go, tell her YOU wish someone would give you the 7k. That should shut her up.

Tarqs · 08/09/2019 07:18

What can you afford? If it’s the wedding which is
Important and you can afford something, book the flights, an Airbnb for 5 nights and eat Dominos. Still going to be £3,000 but better than £7,000.

Hederex · 08/09/2019 07:21

If she wanted you there that much, she should have checked what you could afford first.

RainbowJumpers · 08/09/2019 07:35

If she wants you there that much she’ll pay. Don’t get married abroad if you want people to attend. Especially if it costs 7k.

Witchinaditch · 08/09/2019 07:41

Is there anyway just you or you and DP could go? If your mil is willing to
Take your kids to Dubai is she willing to mind them at home for you? I know it’s expensive but it’s your sisters wedding. I know it’s selfish of her to book it so far away and guilt you but you may not want to miss this day.

flouncyfanny · 08/09/2019 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumshappy · 08/09/2019 07:47

I have a similar dilemma at the moment. I'm currently thinking we arent going to go. I could save but it would mean missing out on so many other experiences I don't think I can justify it.

FlamingoQueen · 08/09/2019 08:07

If she wants you there that badly, they will have made an allowance for paying for you when deciding where to get married. Otherwise, they could still get married here and just invite you.

BuffaloCauliflower · 08/09/2019 08:10

If she’s that desperate she can pay. Don’t do it if you can’t afford it. I’m still bitter about the £2000 we couldn’t afford to spend going to a wedding, but felt we had to as DP was best man and couldn’t miss his best friends wedding. Foreign weddings for no reason other than preference are selfish.

serenoa · 08/09/2019 08:12

I'd say something like:

Don't be so daft! If DH and I wanted to take our family to Jamaica for a few days we'd have to save for YEARS. We'd all love to be at your wedding, of course we would, but if you want us to be able to go to Jamaica you'd have to pay for it. Please don't mention it again, it's getting very upsetting.

Hit her over the head (metaphorically) with it. I wouldn't be surprised if she came back to you saying 'it's a child-free wedding so you'd only have to pay for the two of you'. She's out of her tree, a fruit bat*. Tell MiL to stop it, too. Your DH is right about Dubai, it's the arsehole Marmite of the planet. Been there, done that, got the stinky tee shirt.

*Metal Mickey - early 1980s late afternoon t.v. Saturday I think.