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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for advice re PIL not having wills

45 replies

OneAboveAndOneBelow · 07/09/2019 23:00

My PIL are lovely, I've been married for 15 years so know them well although our relationship is polite and friendly rather than super-close.

We visited recently and were talking about wills - we are trying to draw up our wills, it's been to-do since we had children etc. They said they didn't have any in place and hadn't really thought about it. I was quite shocked as they're late 60s/70s and retired, MIL looked after her mum until a few years ago when she passed away.

I think they think (as we did) if you're married and just want everything to go to the other spouse you don't really need a will. I mentioned that it's a real headache if you die without one or if you both go but I didn't feel it was my place to press it as didn't want to seem money-grabbing or morbid!

They are quite financially naive so I do worry a bit (their mortgage is paid off since FIL's parents died a while ago). I honestly don't care what they leave to whom - they live modestly and I don't think have a great deal of savings - I just worry about sorting it all out should the worst happen. AIBU to suggest that DH and possibly his brother gently suggest they get it sorted out, or is it none of my business and/or will it all work itself out even if they don't have wills? My parents have done theirs.

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2019 23:09

They really don't need a will if they don't have hundreds of thousands squirrelled away. When one dies, the house still belongs to the other, and the estate if less than £250k also goes to them. If they have more than £250k, their spouse gets half above that amount, the rest is split between the children.
When the surviving parent dies, their estate is split between all their children.
Only if they wish to leave something to someone else do they need a will.

littlepaddypaws · 07/09/2019 23:11

it's good to hear a will thread without grabby or entitled selfish relatives being involved.

Sunshine93 · 07/09/2019 23:11

09Soontobe60 I've heard that's not true and it can be quite a difficult process if one person in a marriage dies with no will.

Op I think nudging your DH to have a quiet word is fine. Anything more is interfering and ultimately it's their business.

NWQM · 07/09/2019 23:14

Please get them to get a will done you will find applying for probate so much easier.

Also ask them to think power of attorneys.

They need advice.

We've 'spent' about £6k sorting out my Mum and Dad's affairs and it's been really tricky.

They didn't have a lot so it was a huge chunk. Dad would be sooo disappointed because it was important to him to have something to pass on.

We've spoken to lots of people who have had similar problems.

It's easy and cheap now to get a will & to lasting powers of attorneys.

NearlyGranny · 07/09/2019 23:15

Really inconsiderate not to have wills, but not uncommon. FiL died suddenly, intestate, just shy of 80, and left an unholy mess for others to sort. The issue was head in the sand, let's not talk about d*h, plenty of time later. Then there wasn't.

You can't possibly say any more, having set the good example, but your DH and his siblings, if any, can and should. A concerted approach is good.

One of my DH's brothers took the brunt; DH and I live in the UK, next BiL lives the far side of the continent to the family base and SiL had a baby in the week between the death and the funeral, so it was massively unfair.

They need to realise it's not going to work out how they want unless they say what they want! Joint accounts are immediately frozen, for one thing, so the survivor can be unable to access any funds at all!

Herocomplex · 07/09/2019 23:20

Dying intestate is a nightmare for those who are left behind, it’s so much simpler if a will is made.

Please persuade your DH to get them to see a solicitor.

Even if you think everyone is happy for it just to get sorted after you might find that changes.

Mintjulia · 07/09/2019 23:23

My df died without leaving a will and it took my dm about 9 months to sort out. He hadn’t kept his files up to date and she had to get probate before she could even start to track down savings accounts and pensions. It was miserable.
Perhaps ask your dB to talk to his df.

Mayborn · 07/09/2019 23:23

I would suggest they sign a Power of Attorney through a solicitor, something everyone should have. The conversation about wills will come up in that process. Not an easy discussion but an essential one that your DH and his brother should definitely have.

lyralalala · 07/09/2019 23:28

Tbh I'd be sorting POA before wills (unless there's some super complicated estate ahead). That is an absolute nightmare if they end up needing decisions made that they don't have the capacity to make

Cherrysoup · 07/09/2019 23:28

If their assets are over £40k when they’re both deceased, it will go to probate regardless of wills, I think. My uncle is sorting out my dad’s estate currently. He had an ironclad will, everything goes to mum, but it won’t all be released (ISAs, shares, several accounts) before it’s been to probate.

Mouikey · 07/09/2019 23:31

Isn’t will aid month coming up soon? Could probably get it done then quite cheaply. Do have a will though, the fall out from my friends husband being killed and then not having wills was enormous and very unhelpful given the circumstances.

Soontobe60 · 07/09/2019 23:37

Joint accounts are immediately frozen, for one thing, so the survivor can be unable to access any funds at all!
Direct debits continue to be paid though, and if each person has savings in their own account that can be avoided. My DF had a will, his bank account was still frozen as soon as we notified the bank.
My dsis died very suddenly without a will, wasn't married to dp, two teen children and she was the person who did all the finances in their relationship. It took a month to sort out the finances through probate. All quite straightforward in the end.

Northernlurker · 07/09/2019 23:42

Any property transaction after death needs probate but you only need it for bank accounts if the deposit is more than the banks limit. I was recently executor for a family member and it turns out Halifax don't want probate for anything under 50 grand. I rang up, sorted it over the phone and gave the death certificate number and the money was in the account I was using for the estate the next day.
Lots of people die without a will. If your pil don't want to make one and stay married it's unlikely to be too complicated. If they get divorced a will is essential.

Osirus · 07/09/2019 23:43

Joint accounts are not frozen (I work in probate). The bank transfers the account to the survivor.

It’s much easier if wills are in place, even if they are very simple. It’s hard to say whether an estate will need a grant (of probate if a will is in existence, or letters of administration if not). It usually depends on the value of the estate, but sometimes depends on which institutions you are dealing with.

wibbletooth · 07/09/2019 23:44

Just make sure if/when they make wills that they don’t appoint any solicitors or accountants to be executors as they can charge huge amounts of money and drag their heels out.

Much more sense for them to appoint their dc (or a trusted friend etc) as executors and they can appoint their own solicitors or accountants to do the work and keep a much tighter rein on what’s going on. And that’s before any practical considerations - you don’t want them to appoint their local solicitor if you live hours away as it will be really tricky to organise meetings (or expensive if they charge travelling time to come to you). And if their trusted solicitor retired you might end up with someone very different or a company that no longer exists especially if they are quite young and healthy so could easily be around for another two or three decades!

Also agree PoA is important to sort out - there’s a health one and a financial one, can authorise different people for different things.

Herocomplex · 07/09/2019 23:47

Soontobe60

I think that’s really bad advice, unmarried partners with common property and dependents could be extremely complicated. Just because the estate you are familiar with went through quickly it cannot be assumed that will be the case elsewhere.

lyralalala · 07/09/2019 23:54

Joint accounts aren't frozen. The issue is when all the money goes into one persons account, or it's not a proper joint account (we discovered when my Nana died that she was named on Grandad's account, it wasn't a joint account).

Money in the joint account belongs to the other party when one person dies. So as long as they have a proper joint account, or money in the own accounts.

Treesinaforest · 08/09/2019 00:07

I believe that if one spouse dies, the assets, including the house, gets divided between the surviving spouse and any children. This makes it incredibly complicated for the beneficiaries, if for example, the surviving spouse wants to remain living in the house, as there is inheritance tax to be paid by all beneficiaries.

I am not in the UK, btw, and not an expert on inheritance either.

But, to cut it short, I would absolutely explain the importance of a will to your pil

Durgasarrow · 08/09/2019 02:58

A will is very important to protect the surviving spouse. Maybe you can help them by finding a good lawyer for them.

Longdistance · 08/09/2019 03:12

Yes, keep pressing on about them getting a will. It is so important.
My uncle didn’t leave a will. He died intestate. What a shower if shit that’s left behind 13 years later
My fil and mil don’t have a will. This will again be a shower of shit 🙄 it’s been talked and battled about. Luckily my df and dm have a will. Df passed away and it was such a relief that everything was in place.

AJPTaylor · 08/09/2019 03:28

Really?
My parents: Dad died. Only asset house which as jointly owned went to Mum. When she dies if anything left the rules are that it is shared between me and siblings.
Husbands parents exactly the same.

Soontobe60 · 08/09/2019 07:50

@Herocomplex

I wasn't advising it. I was pointing out that not having a will in my sisters situation didn't cause lots of hassle.
My advice is to have wills, regardless of how much money you have. But you can't force parents to make wills if they don't want to.

Soontobe60 · 08/09/2019 07:54

Some really incorrect statements being made!
Read this link about intestacy rules in the UK
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

Roussette · 08/09/2019 07:56

Why in god's name would they not want Wills? IMHO it's very selfish and cannot be blamed on naivety. They could make a Solicitors appointment, be in and out in half an hour, get them signed in a day or so, sorted.

OP you say you don't think their affairs are complicated. Well... you don't know do you? Over decades people can squirrel money away in peculiar places, maybe even abroad, you just don't know. Agree with other posters, it can turn into a complete and utter nightmare at the worst time possible. It could bring extra stress and hassle for the surviving spouse, and after that for the children left to clear up.

I can't get my head round why someone would actively choose not to have a Will, I find it very odd. OP, your DH needs to press them on this.

PettyContractor · 08/09/2019 08:57

I don't have a will. Often made a DIY one but then never got round to finding someone to witness it.

Can someone explain what difference it will make, given that I am perfectly happy with the way intestacy rules will distribute things?

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