Mum keeps trying to call “dibs” on first baby items. AIBU to be getting irritated?

[middlesolvestheriddle]

DD is 6 months and first grandchild on both sides.

My MIL is great and doesn’t like to step on anyone’s toes so when she buys something she often checks it’s OK with us. (I’ve never asked her to do this she’s just always done this since we announced the pregnancy).

My mum is being annoying though I’m constantly calling “dibs” on buying the first items.

We don’t have the best relationship anyway and I find her controlling. We had several arguments when pregnant as I was trying to rein her in so I don’t know if that’s adding to my annoyance.

I’m the youngest child and so she’s had plenty of times to buy the first items. It’s just coming across as controlling to me.

AIBU?

Can you expand a bit ?

I was really grateful when my parents said they'd buy a pram for us, for example.

Not enough info, in what you've said I can only say yabu

What firsts are you talking about?

What items?

Like what?

Have you said to her-actually mum, I have already bought/wanted to choose the x?

Sorry should have specified! 🤦‍♀️

So examples exclude:
Demanding (not asking or just saying) to buy her first shoes
Demanding to read the night before Christmas to her on Christmas Eve night (not even planning on seeing them on Christmas Eve anyway)
Saying she’s going to take her to her first hair cut (even though that’s a way off yet

Just things like that really. It’s never anything useful.

When she mentioned about the shoes I said “as we are her parents we will be buying the first shoes” but whenever I stand up to her she says I’m being horrible so 🤷‍♀️

Ah...

Then obviously point out she’s done all that. It’s your turn

Just nod along, smile and ignore her. It won’t be worth the battle arguing with her when you know that none of these things are likely to happen.

I’d get some boundaries in place and if she won’t play ball, she doesn’t get to see your child. Take her for her first haircut? That’s your job (privilege) as her mum, as is first shoes etc. Insist. If she’s still being a pain, you distance yourself until she gets a grip.

On the basis of what you've said in your 2nd post, I'd just go ahead & do/buy the things you want, when you want them. She doesn't get to demand. (Who is the child here?)

Just smile and agree and then when the time comes just go an do it how you want. Don't tell her your going to do it and then when she finally notices just brush her off and tell her you want to do your own firsts.

Nope. This is your child, the firsts are yours. She's had her turn. If she wants to buy gifts for the baby that's up to her, but the shoes YOU buy will be the first your child will wear, etc etc. Get this sorted ASAP as it only gets more difficult if you let them get away with it.

Ask her if your dgm did first things with you...
Tell her x hours of labour gives you first dibs on everything!

Those all sound like things you would want to do; maybe say “we’ll see nearer the time” then just do it yourselves

You need to point out that any firsts for your children will be done with you/Dh. She's done it all with her own kids and surely she wouldn't want to deprive you of the same pleasures. If she doesn't take that on board a simple 'not a fucking chance, mother' may suffice. Just don't give her any alone time with dd as she'll probably rush her off for a haircut!

I wouldn't stop my child from seeing their Nan for this, that's slightly over the top and a shame for the child.

I would probably just say "I really appreciate you love her that much that you want to do all these lovely things, however you have experienced all this with us, when we were young, it's my turn as she is my child, so I will be doing them"

After that discussion I would just ignore whatever she said after that, I wouldn't engage in the conversation.

Just get a grip, she’s your child and not up for being kidnapped.
You are going to need a bit more of a backbone if you are going to be an adequate parent. There are going to be dozens of occasions when someone is going to decide something to do with your child, and you’ll have to stand up to them.
So no, create your own Christmas and until your mother understands boundaries, don’t leave your DD alone with her.

Go and buy her first shoes and then hand her the receipt when you see her

You absolutely should be doing those thing's and not your mother....unless of course you wanted her too!

Be careful though....she might just do those thing's if you leave your DD in her care.

You just do it first and move on. How exactly could she control any of this??

Never leave your child with her and tell her straight - your child, your rules - back off!

MIL is like this and it is irritating. She buys things ridiculously early in order to be 'first'/ignores us if we say we don't want x, y or z. Then she is hurt and upset if DD doesn't notice/like/use whatever has been bought (eg., the stool for a baby not yet able to sit up; the copy of Magic Faraway Tree which she bought when DD was about 18 months).

Increasingly I just smile and nod and shove whatever it is in the cupboard, but I do feel your pain.

You know she WILL cut your child’s hair the firs5 chance she gats, don’t you OP. If she can’t get your child to the hairdresser, she’s liable to TRIM it herself.

I’d be careful not to leave your daughter alone with her before these ‘firsts’ have happened.

I’ve read a few MB threads where GMs have taken GC and had all their baby hair chopped off!

Although I wonder if she’ll buy shoes early so she can get in there!

But it ducks and you’re