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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours kids popping in.

41 replies

Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 19:15

We live few houses down from very close friends. Always helpful to each other. They are really lovely people.
However, the kids who are similiar age to some of mine, pop over all the time. Sometimes my kids are happy to have them but neighbours kids don't really get the cues when my kids do not want them round. They often leave their front door open so as soon as we come in or out they ask to come with or ask to come round. It's really annoying. Have had them in and out most of the day and eventually we had to literally tiptoe out to the park bc I knew they would ask to come with and I didn't want 2 extra kids on top of my own.
The parents are always sweet and welcoming to my kids when they go there so I do feel like a massive cow. I have tried saying not now or maybe another day in sugary voice etc. But often there are lots of ques: why not? when can I come back? where are you going? etc... tonight as we were sorting out supper there was a knock and I just yelled "Not now!"
My kids quite like them but not all the time... They are fed up and so am I. Not sure how to bring it up without causing huge offence. We are really good friends and they have had a stressful and difficult year or so plus they are so nice to my kids.
Any suggestions?

OP posts:
sleepismysuperpower1 · 07/09/2019 19:21

my friend had something similar and she bought a 3 pack of walkie talkies, gave the neighbour's kids one and her kids the other. she told the neighbours kids that they can ask her dc if they want to play rather than having to come round, and it meant her dc could easily say 'no, not right now' etc

MeggyMeg · 07/09/2019 19:23

Just be direct and tell them no , not today. Kids cant pick up on subtleties and don't kind being direct.

mankyfourthtoe · 07/09/2019 19:32

Sorry it's family time now.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/09/2019 19:36

I say "We are having family time now" as I usher them out.

Original poster
Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 19:43

My prob times when kids are home are just watching tv, just home from school or over the weekend when we have nothing special planned. This morn kids gave themselves breakfast and I slept in. Came down to find neighbours kids in my house.
Have told my kids either say my mum doesn't let or just ignore. But they come back every few mins. Knocking again.
I will try being more direct. I find it awkward bc we do a lot for eachother so don't want to totally burn bridges but don't want to have them here all the time...

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 07/09/2019 19:53

How old are the kids? Can you send them back, every single time? Trouble is, you can’t have it both ways, especially if your kids go round to theirs.

Original poster
Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 20:08

Youngest is 7 oldest is 12.
I agree. Can't have it both ways. My kids go round maybe once every 10 days. They come round almost every day.
I feel really bad being mean. I can't even pretend to smile when I see them on the doorstep. They must know I don't especially like them and that's terrible.
I don't want to end the friendship. We have known them since we were all teenagers. I just don't want them here all the time.

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 07/09/2019 20:17

Please lock your front door, you don't want opportunist burgliers making off with your treasures in their swag bag. Happened to my in laws, unbelievably they were in the garden when the folk in the arrow print clothes ransacked their home.

Swish the visitors out if it isn't convenient. Being direct is fine.

Original poster
Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 20:19

Agreed re locked door. They don't just walk in but they do turn up all the time and knock incessantly. We removed the bell in part bc of them

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 07/09/2019 20:20

At 7 and 12 I would make a rule and tell them the rule. They obviously have no clue what is reasonable. They will probably be absolutely fine if you tell them what is OK, the right amount for friends. Children that age can understand and apply such rules. When they obey and are welcomed at suitable times they'll know you are still lovely, you just need much more family time than their family needs.

What would you

BMW6 · 07/09/2019 20:26

Keep the doors locked (you should anyway!). If they knock try ignoring, or just call through door "No, not today, go home"

If they persist I think you are just going to have to be frank with your friends " I am getting fed-up of your children knocking incessantly. It's too much. Play dates are OK now and then - perhaps a couple of times a month - but every day is too intrusive"

Original poster
Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 20:31

Sorry wasn't clear. My door is always locked. Hence the constant knocking...
They leave their door and it seems like their windows open bc as soon as my son is playing in garden there will be a knock on the door within 30 secs to ask to join in... I honestly find it really stifling.
Will be blunt and consistent and hope they get the message.

OP posts:
insanemumof3 · 07/09/2019 20:32

I literally have the same thing atm @Happyandglorious! my sons are aged 4 and 7 and two doors down my neighbours have 2 girls aged 6 and 8. My DP works with their father and both the children and the parents are extremely nosey. They call 4+ times a day and when i say no the boys dont want to go out its why why why? They cycle up and down our path all day long on their bikes and stare through my living room window! My DP has actually had to go out and tell them to go from the window. Just this evening they asked my sons to go out to play, they said no. The girls then asked what about tomorrow i know you go to your dads on Sunday but if you arent going can boys come out! WTH?

When we pull up outside our house in the car they come straight outside as if theyve been watching and waiting and hold our gate open and ask where we've been! When i open the door to them they walk in to my hallway and im shocked with it id never allow my kids to do anything like that.

Im at my wits end trying to deal with them so any tips you try that work id be all ears for!

S1naidSucks · 07/09/2019 20:35

Get a ring camera or similar. You can just tell them to go home without having to put up with this nonsense. Frankly the older one should be told ‘no, is a good enough answer. Now go home please.’

dadshere · 07/09/2019 20:35

We have to lock our door when we are in as a neighbours daughter likes to 'pop' over to play with our dd. Dh had taken dd to the park one day and I came downstairs after a nap to see her coming out of our toilet, she had came over to play and needed the loo. I told her dd wasn't here and she said she would wait!!

S1naidSucks · 07/09/2019 20:38

insanemumof3 you need to tell them you’re busy and for them to go home, before they enter your garden. For goodness sake, they’re children. They’re not going to kick the crap out of you!

Original poster
Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 20:39

Hi @insanemumof3,
That does sound extra annoying. I will let you know if I have any luck this week. Am hoping being back at school and homework plus after school activities etc will make us all a bit busier and things will get easier...

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 07/09/2019 20:41

We have the same, I just tell them that now is not a good time, go home. You don't have to be sweet and hint anything, you're an adult and they are kids.

Babysharkisanearworm · 07/09/2019 20:44

Ask them if they ate ice cream everyday would ice cream be a special treat?

CAK111512 · 07/09/2019 20:45

Oh god this is so tough. Do the kids behave like their parents do? If they keep their front door open it sounds like they are the type of people who don’t mind people coming and going and don’t understand that others don’t like it.

When I was a kid there were barely any kids close to where we lived but when I moved out and my much younger siblings were young a lot of families with children moved in close by and it was a nightmare. The kids used to follow my sisters in the my Mums house, used to want to upstairs, just walk into the garden. She hated it. Even one of the mums used to just walk in.

Maybe drop subtle hints to the kids like ‘oh we are about to have dinner, maybe see you later’ ‘DC have homework to do’ ‘it’s bath time’ ‘DC aren’t feeling too well’

I am just making this up now ^ but that’s what my mom had to do and they soon learnt not to be so annoying.

Also, winter will be here soon. My mum used to love Winter as kids don’t seem to play out as much and stay away 🤣

G5000 · 07/09/2019 20:53

It's definitely a Very British Problem. Why subtle hinting? Just send them home.
'Jocasta, Lucifer - time to go home now, we have things to do, bye!' 'What things?'
'Family things, bye!'

insanemumof3 · 07/09/2019 21:16

I have told the girls to stop coming on in or entering the garde many of time they just continue to so it. their dad goes to work with my DP (we actually take him to and from work) and their mum comes home from night shift and the girls are told to go outside and play and not come in unless they need the toilet. they follow us to the bus stop the shop and they even go into my neighbours houses. believe me subtle hints and even being direct seems to be a waste of time. i recently had a MC last week and told the girls multiple times i wasnt feeling well and not too call... didnt stop them they are persistent children Sad

insanemumof3 · 07/09/2019 21:17

thanks @Happyandglorious! i was hoping the same but either these children dont get homeworks or they are the smartest quickest children youd meet! hoping yours gets better asap!!

Starlight456 · 07/09/2019 21:25

I think blunt with kids .

It’s family time . Yes come in but home for 12( or whatever)

We have a family like that here. I have a job which means I can’t have people knocking on my door all the time.

My son went out and told them never to step on our path again 😳. Not expecting that level of bluntness , however it works and I see them knocking on other doors but not ours .

insanemumof3 · 07/09/2019 21:32

your son sounds fantastic! Grin i should maybe encourage my son to be blunt lol

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