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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbours kids popping in.

41 replies

Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 19:15

We live few houses down from very close friends. Always helpful to each other. They are really lovely people.
However, the kids who are similiar age to some of mine, pop over all the time. Sometimes my kids are happy to have them but neighbours kids don't really get the cues when my kids do not want them round. They often leave their front door open so as soon as we come in or out they ask to come with or ask to come round. It's really annoying. Have had them in and out most of the day and eventually we had to literally tiptoe out to the park bc I knew they would ask to come with and I didn't want 2 extra kids on top of my own.
The parents are always sweet and welcoming to my kids when they go there so I do feel like a massive cow. I have tried saying not now or maybe another day in sugary voice etc. But often there are lots of ques: why not? when can I come back? where are you going? etc... tonight as we were sorting out supper there was a knock and I just yelled "Not now!"
My kids quite like them but not all the time... They are fed up and so am I. Not sure how to bring it up without causing huge offence. We are really good friends and they have had a stressful and difficult year or so plus they are so nice to my kids.
Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Original poster

Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 21:41

If we weren't such good friends I would have ended it with a blunt go home and don't come back years ago.
@insanemumof3 your neighbours sound like they don't really want to deal with their kids and that is the real issue... But not sure knowing that makes it any easier to solve the problem.

Funny pp mentioned winter coming. We live abroad it's going to be hot for another 2ish months so not luck there.
I may have to discourage my kids going round there for a while to make the point clear.

OP posts:

insanemumof3 · 07/09/2019 21:50

the being good friends is a hard thing to navigate your conpletely right they dont! @happyandglorious my other neighbours actually talk about how all they hears over the summer holidays if their mum shouting so loud the whole street can hear. its ridiculous. i feel for them the tiniest bit as they just want company and attention i think but they are just so like their parents and are the most nosey people i have ever met. all i get from other is they are just kids.. so i honestly dont know lol

oh jeeze you really are in a pickle with the weather being like that. :(

insanemumof3 · 07/09/2019 21:51

sleep deprived and my spelling is getting worse! apologise lol

CalmdownJanet · 07/09/2019 21:56

Ok seriously, think about this, you say you feel bad/awkward because the parents are so nice to your kids right? Of course they are nice to your kids!! They know what they are doing ffs, I'd be lovely once every 10 days to the kids of the people minding and entertaining my kids for free constantly too.

I'd be harsh "New rules Marsha & Jan, if you call to the door any day before 12, then you are not coming in at all that day. If you call after 6, you are not coming in at all the following day and you can only ring the bell twice in one day, so call between 12-6 and ring the bell two times and no more" stick to it, tell the parents "It's been a long summer with lots of friends coming and going at all hours, weekends now I am getting into a routine of later starts and getting the kids doing chores so I want nobody to call too early, weekend evenings are family times"

They are being nice because you are being the local neighbourhood child entertaining sucker (meant nicely of course)

AJPTaylor · 07/09/2019 21:57

I had a friend who had a green card and a red card. If the red card was in the window neighbours kids not allowed to knock.

insanemumof3 · 07/09/2019 22:01

i love the card idea! 👍

Cherrysoup · 07/09/2019 22:02

@insanemumof3 I think it’s past time to get direct and very forceful. They turn up when you come home and try to get in the door. You physically block the door and tell them they don’t come in unless they’re invited (vampires!)

You speak to their mum and tell her they can’t come round so much or tell the girls. You have to be direct with kids, they’re not good with hints.

@Happyandglorious could you give them a once a week limit? Tell the kids they’re only allowed once a week and be very consistent. Alternatively, tell them no every time they come round. They’ll stop-eventually! I completely understand that it’s very hard to enforce as their parents are your friends, but them allowing the kids to come round so often is not very nice of them, is it? They’re basically palming their kids off onto you.

AllFourOfThem · 07/09/2019 22:06

Just tell the kids you have a ban on guests during the week so they are welcome round at the weekend unless you have other plans in place. Then have plans at the weekend.

Bookworm4 · 07/09/2019 22:09

7 & 12? I thought you were going to say 5,6!
12 yr old is high school age, why are they constantly at your house? Your neighbours are users, no child is peering out all the time and thinks oh there’s ndn let’s go to their house, I think the parents are encouraging this. Be firm tell them no and if it’s why? Say no again. I’d be speaking to parents and tell them to teach their kids some manners.

shouldprobablyfeelguilty · 07/09/2019 22:09

I was always jealous as a kid when I went to friends houses who played with their neighbours, recently said to DH on our next move, I want somewhere with lots of kids playing on the street. Maybe not a good idea then??
The one time someone knocked for me, my mum opened the door and said ‘yeah, not today’ and closed it again. Maybe try that? They never came back

Original poster

Happyandglorious · 07/09/2019 22:10

I do sound like a bit of a mug reading it all back. But there is a long friendship between us and they have been really good and true friends.
I will keep saying no and if not will have to have a word...

OP posts:

Bookworm4 · 07/09/2019 22:18

@Happyandglorious
What makes them such wonderful friends in your eyes?
Good friends don’t rip the piss out of you and palm their kids off on you every day. Nobody with any decency thinks this behaviour is acceptable, it’s rude and intrusive. Still can’t get past a 12 yr old behaving like this.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/09/2019 22:18

As above really-a firm consistent approach.

SezziBaybee · 07/09/2019 22:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

insanemumof3 · 07/09/2019 22:29

dont get me wrong my kids will go out and play with them just not all the time, at their choosing i honestly like the fact rhey have friends so close. i just wish that the words no or not now ect would resonate with them and theyd stop. ... asking for to much? lol

mankyfourthtoe · 08/09/2019 09:09

'Right we're back at school at up early, your knocking on is driving me mad. There's a card in the window, green please knock, red don't! If you don't I'll have to go round and see your mum.'

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