AIBU to be sick of my 'D'H's mansplaining?

[Petsr4life]

He does it all the time. He seems to think he is the expert on everything. Can't back it up with evidence/sources either. He just 'knows' E.g. we are in the process of selling our house. I mentioned that we can't take bolted on shelves. He is adamant that we can, despite never having done any research. He will then get angry with me and then eventually look it up. After which I've 'misunderstood' him. I'm sick and tired of this. Once in a while I wont back down and we'll have a big argument where I accuse him of gaslighting. He will eventually apologise and promise to never do it again. We have had this exact same argument hundreds of times.

What happened today takes the biscuit. We disagreed over the area equaling 10 square meters. He got angry with me and then looked it up. Which showed him I was right. Apparently I misunderstood him. Thing is, I have a maths degree, he doesn't... so why on earth did he try to argue in the first place.

AIBU of being sick of his mansplaining?

I loved it when I read that another term for mainsplaining is ‘correctile dysfunction’

correctile dysfunction

But yes, you can remove the shelves if you make good and they aren’t in the estate agent property particulars or in the sellers property contents info.

Some of my family members do this, usually when I'm trying to get them to change their behavior. It's a defense mechanism because there is probably some nugget of truth behind their argument. If I find that truth and acknowledge it, they're far more likely to accept mine as well.

I explained a solution over thresholds to a builder and the carpenter. Ten minutes later they came up with the same idea. They were chuffed with themselves they’d sorted the problem for me. The other woman in the room looked at me in disbelief.

DH does this I say 'I told you that last week'

The worst is FIL. It's actually ridiculous. You tell him something, he rearranges the words then repeats it back. I just say ' yes - like I just said, FIL??' as if he is completely fucking stupid. Seems to take the edge off him a bit

but mansplaining is to do with innate sexism.

^

Yup. Loud and clear.

My ex (note EX) used to do this all the bloody time. Drove me bloody insane. There would be a program on TV about say neurosurgery, and he would explain to me that the surgeon was doing it wrong . He was a BT engineer, WTF did he know about neurosurgery?

I had this last week at my DCs martial arts class. One of the dads is a notorious arsehole/bully. He was arguing with me about a particular martial art being Korean or Japanese. I used to do this martial art and had quite a high belt. He continued arguing, telling me I was wrong. I called over the master and asked him to settle the matter for us. He of course agreed with me as naturally I was correct. The dad's face!! It was a picture. I am not ashamed to admit I did a fist pump and went : Yes! I knew I was right!

The master had to desperately try not to laugh .

I'll buy him a pint and tell him not to be a cunt.

^^

Looks like we have the new Anyfucker!

This sums it up nicely ...

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4oydSZTAns

My father is exactly like this. He's right until you prove him wrong, after that he's simply misunderstood. It's beyond frustrating and it is one of the reasons why I'm not really in touch with him that much.
It's not mansplaining, I think. He does it to everyone. He's the ultimate know-it-all (sans the actual knowledge).
For your own sanity I hope he is otherwise a very amazing and loving person, as I wouldn't be willing to deal with such bullshit permanently. I doubt he'll change - my father never did.

"If I find that truth and acknowledge it, they're far more likely to accept mine as well."

Absolutely this, it stops them getting overly defensive.

BIL mansplained feminism to me once. He couldn't understand why I wasn't grateful, having assumed he was bringing amazing new knowledge to my life. I wanted to stab him with the fork I was using. YANBU.

Op are you going to admit to DH that you are wrong about the shelves?

For anyone who hasn't read it, I think the term (or at least awareness of the term) mansplaining was kicked off by this piece by Rebecca Solnit, inspired by a classic example that happened to her (bloke explains her own recently published book to her) - it's a good read: www.guernicamag.com/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/

I also love the fact that the French word for mansplaining is 'mecspliquer'.

Oh and OP, YADNBU.

My late sister was like that. She was very smart but she knew everything. So tiring, those people never learn from others.
They were born right and the'll argue until they are blue in the face.
I don't mind being wrong but I can't be wrong all the time.

Pipandmum

I think that one’s called ‘He-peating’, where men will ignore a woman’s suggestion but offer it themselves after a brief pause, to the general applause of the room. Repeating, but with bonus added sexism.

punch.photoshelter.com/image/I0000eHEXGJ_wImQ

I was going to say DH wouldn't dare mansplain to me, certainly not in reference to any of my own fields, but I must admit he's a bugger for the he-peating. Time and again he'll insist I am utterly wrong, then without so much as a timely pause he'll paraphrase me with the 'correct' version of facts. Drives me bloody crackers.

Get him to write down the key points. Then he cant argue that he was just misunderstood as he has written down in his own words.

Isn't it slightly ironical that op is complaining about her husband always insisting he is right when he actually is on this occasion?

How was he mansplaining about the shelves? He was correct. Op was mistaken.

I will make a statement of opinion.
My dh will make the same statement using different word order but in an argumentative tone as if we are not saying the same thing.
I will agree.
He will.argue with my agreement as apparently I originally said the opposite.
I will tell him we just said the same thing but in different ways
He will tell me I am going mad because that is not what I said at all.
I will disagree and say it was the same.
He will disagree and make his statement again
I will agree again.
He will say I am being unreasonable.
I will ask why
He will tell me that he was right and now I have changed my view.
I will tell him that we both said the same thing but in different words...again
He will.argue that he did not say the same thing at all and that his opinion is different.
I will repeat my opinion using his word order.
He will repeat his opinion using my word order in a louder voice.
I will leave the room before I poke him in the eye.
He will shout through that I just cannot accept it when he is right.

He does it with everyone. I have watched him do this with a family member for an hour...both of them yelling and using different words actually agreeing with one another.
Drives me spare.

He won’t change, so you’lll have to lump it or leave him.

My husband mansplained my route to work to me recently plus a couple of alternatives I could take when traffic is heavy.
This is a route I have taken for 3.5 years along with the alternatives on occasion.

There is a bloke that I see at a local cafe regularly. He knows and has an opinion EVERYTHING.
He tried to explain my job to me once, I soon shut that down.

I’m in an online book group, which until recently was a really lovely place.

There’s been an influx of men recently (no problem with that in itself) a couple of which have taken it upon themselves to mansplain regularly how we’re reading wrong and misunderstanding plots (which are clearly not misunderstood).