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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed-What can I do now if anything

32 replies

ChickenIce · 07/09/2019 14:40

Moved ds at Xmas to a new school few different reasons. One reason was due to a boy I’ll call him Daniel. Daniel was very much leader of the boys and the centre of various incidents. My ds steered clear but it did affect things in playground- Daniel was accused of racism, bullying various nasty things and there was constant issues in the playground.
Ds is now in a lovely school settled so well lots of nice friends no issues of bullying etc.
Just been msg by Daniels mum who is moving house and want him to come to ds school?!
So disappointed I know he probably won’t come as cause quite as much trouble but his mum would obviously want my ds to buddy up with him and I think it would affect the vibe of their year group :(

OP posts:
superram · 07/09/2019 14:41

It may not happen. If it does tell teacher you don’t want ds to be a buddy.

GobletOfIre · 07/09/2019 14:42

Just tell her you wouldn’t recommend it and say how much everyone raves about ‘other nearby school’ instead.

Redwinestillfine · 07/09/2019 14:53

Don't respond. Or respond and tell her that her son was one of the reasons you moved. Either way she may feel awkward enough not to apply. Either way tell the school and request they are separated. It will protect your DC and give the school a heads up. You never know though. He may be a different child with a different dynamic.

Hellbentwellwent · 07/09/2019 15:02

Oh god op that’s a nightmare. I have to say, she obviously is oblivious to her son being problematic for your ds, so I’d put her straight now. If you aren’t friends with her and just know her from the previous school, I’d say something along the lines of... ‘to be perfectly honest your son and his behaviour and influence over the behaviour over some of his peers was one of the reasons for us deciding to move our son out of previous school. I obviously have no say in where you decide to send your son to school but if you do decide to move him I will request that our son isn’t buddied up with him or in the same class.
She’s probably go batshit and get defensive but just grey rock from that point on.

HollowTalk · 07/09/2019 15:07

I would love someone to have the guts to text back and say, "Oh fucking hell, you must be kidding. Your child was one of the reasons I moved my child from that school."

Original poster
ChickenIce · 07/09/2019 15:08

She is completely oblivious which caused a lot of issues between her family and other parents in playground very much ‘my Daniel isn’t like that’ ‘he’s easily led’ etc etc

OP posts:
Hellbentwellwent · 07/09/2019 15:17

So she has been told before about her sons behaviour put has chosen to ignore everyone’s complaints and bribes her child is totally innocent? Just tell her straight...

TheSerenDipitY · 07/09/2019 15:29

be honest and text back... FFS i only just moved mine to get away from yours, now ill have to find another fucken school and block her

HollowTalk · 07/09/2019 15:48

If you have to say anything, just say, "Oh Daniel wouldn't like it at this school - it's really strict and he'd struggle."

Original poster
ChickenIce · 07/09/2019 15:52

Not brave enough but did make me 😂 .. FFS i only just moved mine to get away from yours, now ill have to find another fucken school and block her

OP posts:
Original poster
ChickenIce · 09/09/2019 11:52

I ignored her msg but just received the same one again with ‘not sure if you read this the other day’
Ffs 😩

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 09/09/2019 11:56

I would actually say "I hate the idea of him coming to this school. I'm so relieved DS is away from him".

MrsSpenserGregson · 09/09/2019 12:03

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? Daniel's mum sounds like a pushy nightmare.

Either continue ignoring her, or (better option) reply and be honest. She'd have to have the hide of a rhino to move him to your DS' school after that.

What age are the boys, btw? If they are 9-10 then they would be going to new senior schools in a year or two anyway. So even if Daniel did show up, you DS wouldn't have to put up with him for too long. Once they are at senior school they would probably be separated for lessons anyway (and you can request this prior to the start of Y7 if you are in England - you can tell the school that you want your son to be in a different class / teaching group from Daniel).

If they are 5, it's a different kettle of fish ...

Whatever you do, don't reply with a welcoming or wishy-washy answer! Be unambiguous.

If you don't reply, you will be constantly worrying if Daniel is going to appear at any moment.

Tartsamazeballs · 09/09/2019 12:05

"I'm not sure how you'd find the fit if I'm honest. The school is a lot stricter with regards to behaviour and Daniel's horrible racist and bullying won't be tolerated. It's one of the reasons we chose this school"

Dare you Wink

EleanorReally · 09/09/2019 12:07

Hmm, I'd go with the too strict approach

TartanCurtains1 · 09/09/2019 12:10

Either way tell the school and request they are separated. It will protect your DC and give the school a heads up. You never know though. He may be a different child with a different dynamic.

KUGA · 09/09/2019 12:17

Totally agree with HollowTalk.

BananaPlant · 09/09/2019 12:24

If by some chance he does end up at the school, I would speak to the school about the previous problems and say that Daniel is the reason you moved your DS, and you have no wish for them to be together.

CoraPirbright · 09/09/2019 12:29

I agree with BananaPlant - I’d be straight down to the school to tell them everything that happened with Daniel. Lay it on thick enough and they might even reject his application Wink. No doubt I will get torn off a strip for saying that but your son is your priority, not the racist bully who made life hard enough for you to go through the upheaval of moving your son to a new school.

AJPTaylor · 09/09/2019 12:30

I had this. Fortunately it was a big school. I was very blunt indeed with the school. They ensured that other child was put into the other "half" of the year so would never be in same classes. They also apparently told him specifically not allowed to even breathe in my child's direction.
It worked. My child had no trouble at all.

YesItsMeIDontCare · 09/09/2019 12:33

Just block her?

Perisoire · 09/09/2019 12:39

They also apparently told him specifically not allowed to even breathe in my child's direction.

I doubt they said that.

AnyFucker · 09/09/2019 12:44

This happened to us.

I moved my daughter because of a couple of undesirable influences, then they followed us to the new school
Probably pushed before they were shoved.

I spoke to the new teachers and requested they not expect my dd to look after them and that they be put in the other class. It was fine. The new dynamic sorted it.

Ponoka7 · 09/09/2019 13:03

I'd write back "it's really strict. They don't tolerate bullying of any kind and make sure they get the Parents in the Office. It's great to be in a school that doesn't let things go like the last one".

Then I'd speak to the School to make it clear he doesn't go near your DS, if he does show up.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/09/2019 13:05

You've nothing to lose by being blunt with her. It's not like you are friends. I'd sent a brief text explaining why you moved and be very clear what happened with the school. Good luck.

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