To think that if couples post regular photos

[IceAndASlice123]

Of themselves all loved up on Facebook, that they arent really all that happy?

My brother is a regular ‘happy fam-a-lam’ photo poster. A few months ago he was mid telling me how he’s going to leave his wife when he stopped, took a selfie of him and her together to post a gushing status about her , then continued to tell me his ‘get out’ of the relationship plan.

I wouldn’t assume that the couple are not happy from loved up photos. Constantly declaring how in love they are, I might wonder if one half is insecure I suppose.

I have a “friend” on my fb who I keep around because her dramas are cringey and hilariously awful who kept sharing way too many little tales about her sex life with her then newish boyfriend. To make it extra awkward her teenage children are also on her fb. I know they saw at least some of the posts and things because they reacted with the angry emoji. I feel so sorry for them.

Maybe. I do think that they must be insecure and after the ‘likes’.

I don’t know anyone who regularly does this, though, which I guess it a good thing!

There was a social study on this and the results were that, in general, unhappy couples post more on social media to give off an appearance. None of my happy friends post couple photos unless it's taken on holiday

It’s almost invariably true of the gushy statuses.

One of my lovely friends posts regularly about her loving hubby. He’s a fucking arsehole who treats her like shit. Nobody likes him. The other most prolific poster on my feed recently broke up with her husband. They’re just desperate for validation and it makes me feel genuinely sad for them.

A friend of mine is in a pretty crappy marriage, always arguing, not compatible at all, she's always accusing him of cheating but yet on FB they look like the most amazing couple.
I've had days when she's txt me saying he's been a shit/she thinks he's cheated/he's stormed out to the pub/had a huge argument then a few hours later a loved up selfie is uploaded.
So yes, I would agree for some, But not in all cases, some may well be blissfully happy and just like sharing photos.

I mean why does everyone need to speculate? Let people get on with their relationships and if it's annoying then mute them

I think I would also think the same as you OP - it might not be the case but social media has been around long enough for us to establish patterns like this. I don’t think many people would be surprised anymore by a couple divorcing despite posting lots of loved up pics in the past.

I mean why does everyone need to speculate? Let people get on with their relationships and if it's annoying then mute them

You mean like not commenting on a thread if you’re not keen on the topic?

I post loads of selfies of us together, I'm picture crazy for one reason and one reason only... My mum was very camera shy and when she passed away I realised how few photo memories we had. I don't ever want my children or DH to have that same issue when I'm gone.

"I mean why does everyone need to speculate? "

Because that's what folk do on MN. You post something and ask what other people think.

I think what FB shows is that you never know what's going on in someone else's relationship. My personal experience is that the couples who seem the happiest when you're actually with them in real life seem to post less if at all. The ones who are actively unhappy do seem to post the most - I think it's over-compensation. I know one couple where he has talked about leaving many times because of how she treats him, but on FB she's often posting "soul mates forever" type things. I have another old school friend who confessed a while back she doesn't think that the relationship has enough to "carry it through to old age", but you'd never know that from the posts of their happy travels, etc... But then what can you expect on social media really? No one's going to post a pic of their DH with the comment, "Thinking of leaving this one after 25 years..." Anyway, you can never tell. Some blissfully happy, others over-compensating for not being.

Generally social media is handpicked bollocks to show the image you want to project but I wouldn't necessarily think couple pictures= deep unhappiness in real life or that it's unusual or out of the ordinarily wonderful, either. I think there are probably more happy couples than dysfunctional ones and it's quite normal to be happy and to take photos with the person you choose to share your life with.

Lots of happy couples post photos on Facebook...

It’s interesting that people think happy posts must equal unhappy person. And yet when people post sad things, they are also accused of being an attention seeker or drama llama. You can’t really win.

The most “loved up” couple I know, theh would post videos they’d made of one singing to the other, or them at the love lock bridge, or a picture of their hands with song lyrics, or her driving the car while he’s in the passenger seat with a gushy message. He was cheating on her, stealing from her, it was an awful relationship. They never actually did anything fun together or went out anywhere.

If I see pics of people on holiday though, or at a concert, I just think lucky bastards and move on. I don’t think that’s showing off as such, some people just have more active lives than others.

It’s interesting that people think happy posts must equal unhappy person. And yet when people post sad things, they are also accused of being an attention seeker or drama llama. You can’t really win.
I think it's a case of knowing the people.

I know people who share loads of nice things. It would never occur to me that they were compensating for anything.

I also know people who share more gushy romantic things, selfies of them kissing, wishing each other a happy anniversary, thank you for being the best mummy/daddy, but I know they've not been in a good place.

Sharing sad things doesn't always make someone a drama llama. It's the difference between an update on something sad and "Louise has checked into Town Hospital A&E" / "I just want to share millions of things about mental health even though I've never got help, but it's my topic for the next month about how hard everything is for me, but next month I'll be posting about why most of us have fibromyalgia (revolving door of sympathy topics which makes a mockery of those with difficulties), or the relationship updates, or cryptic vague booking "I guess this week has shown me I can't trust most people. Time for wine!"

As another poster said, it's often what is/isn't shared gives away some clues.

*I know people who share loads of nice things. It would never occur to me that they were compensating for anything.

I also know people who share more gushy romantic things, selfies of them kissing, wishing each other a happy anniversary, thank you for being the best mummy/daddy, but I know they've not been in a good place.*

And this is the difference. Sharing holiday snaps, pics of parties or trips out of you and your partner is normal and nice.
Posting endless gushing messages about your soul mate etc. is odd.

I knew someone would accuse
me of being bitter.
I don't even really know her so why would I be. I just wondered if the once/fortnightly photos of a new trip away or a concert could really be a reflection that life is really brilliant and that it can be the case that people have it that good.

Well, everything you said there does sound quite bitter to be honest. You don’t know this woman very well but you seem really keen to be convinced that she can’t possibly have a pleasant life. I think it’s genuinely odd that you’re sufficiently invested in the marriage of a woman you say don’t really know to be making snide insinuations about it on Mumsnet.

Basically what you’ve said amounts to a woman you don’t know regularly does nice things like concerts and weekends away with her husband, and they love each other. I don’t understand why, in your head, that is so beyond the realms of possibility. Why have you even thought twice about it?!

It’s a sad day when people can’t comprehend that someone might just be happy and do nice stuff every couple of weeks.

But surely they're doing the stuff! What's the alternative, that they're mocking up the pictures of them going to the theatre? Whether they're enjoying themselves is anybody's guess, but I don't know why they'd bother if they weren't.
I agree with everybody else about the gushy statuses though!

Dahlietta
It's the difference between:

Lisa and Paul checked in at Theatre.
Status: all ready for the play! (Smiley selfie)

And

Lisa and Paul checked in at Theatre.
Status: All ready for date night with this one. Dinner at (swish eatery) followed by theatre. It's so important to have quality time together.
Photo of them kissing.

Nobody would think anything other than "how lovely" for post 1, but post 2 would probably get the eye rolls into the back of the heads because it's all a bit smug and look how loved up we are.

Yes, I agree with that. I can't work out from the OP which group this couple fits into though!

But surely they're doing the stuff! What's the alternative, that they're mocking up the pictures of them going to the theatre? Whether they're enjoying themselves is anybody's guess, but I don't know why they'd bother if they weren't.

Some people are so obsessed with FB though and how they’re perceived online, I think they genuinely do book outings or go places with being able to show off about it online in mind. I had a lovely day with my family at the beach recently - a couple came and sat near us for about 30 mins, putting towels out and taking clothes off and the woman spent the entire time taking selfies, then the bloke took pictures of her posing, and then they just up and left hardly a hashtag romanticbeachday. And in this case with the theatre I do wonder if maybe they wouldn’t bother if they couldn’t post about it on Facebook??

The most gushy couple I know on FB definitely have a great relationship (very close friends).

So I think you really can't tell TBH. I always think when people suggest they must be unhappy it sounds a bit 'sour grapes'

I just wondered if the once/fortnightly photos of a new trip away or a concert could really be a reflection that life is really brilliant and that it can be the case that people have it that good.

That sounds a bit sad...are you unhappy OP?

I'm not suggesting jealousy but obviously you feel that it's unusual to be doing good things and be in a happy marriage?

Are you in an unhappy marriage?

I'm wondering why you think it couldn't be true?

I do find a lot of couples like that. One I know was always posting how amazing their other half is and a load of photos of all their shopping sprees. Split up w couple of mo the ago