Class TA is the mother of one of the children

[chugmonkey]

I'm prepared to be flamed here as there's bound to be some people who are also working in the same class as their child but I just think it's completely inappropriate.

My dd has just started year 6. In her class is a bright, sporty, all round 'golden boy' who also happens to have quite a nasty side to him. His mother completely indulges him and won't hear a word said against him.
He has been really horrible to my DD on a number of occasions and we have had to go through the head to get him to stop because he just lies to his mother and gets away with it.

I know a number of past and present staff members who share my views about this mum's 'blind spot' when it comes to her child as mum also happens to be a TA at the school.

When I saw the staffing lists for this year I was surprised and pretty irritated to see this mum as TA for the class her own son and my dd are in.

AI just being U because I think she'll continue to favour her son or is this just an inappropriate situation anyway?

YANBU that’s a conflict of interest if there’s such a thing in schools?! How can she stay impartial when she’s working in the same room as her own child? Same school is fine but actually in her child’s classroom?! Recipe for trouble in my opinion.

Sounds all kinds of wrong. Awful for your daughter, so sorry. What did the Head do?

We have the same issue and it's not good...

I used to work as a TA and I refused point blank to work in my child’s class. Luckily the head agreed with me. I did not even do his playground when he was in key stage 1 I did the key stage 2 playground. If I had still been there when he got to key stage 2 I would have swapped to the other playground. It’s common sense

I can't think that this is a good idea for anyone.

My mum worked in my school and would never work with me - definitely inappropriate for her to be in her child’s class. Have you mentioned it to the class teacher?

I remember when I was in year 5 back in the early 90s, our teacher "Mrs J" was the mother of the boy who sat next to me "Luke". One day Luke left a horrible note in my desk saying he hated me and wanted to kill me (we'd had a falling out about something that day) when I handed the note to Mrs J she didn't reprimand Luke at all and actually commended him on how neat his handwriting was! I'm in my 30s now and the unfairness and total helplessness of that moment still sticks with me to this day. Made me feel that adults aren't always there to help you.

I don't think parents should ever be in the same class as their children.

Although, if she’s going to be in his class then surely his behaviour can’t be ignored by her? So I suppose it could make his behaviour better?

I would see how it pans out and then raise any concerns to the teacher and head if things with his behaviour get worse

I don't think you can complain until there is a conflict of interests and a situation has occurred. In order for her to move classes another TA would have to swap with her, why should that other TA be disadvantaged?

In her class is a bright, sporty, all round 'golden boy' who also happens to have quite a nasty side to him.

For you to come to the conclusion he is a golden boy, all his previous 7 teachers and TAs must agree he is bright and sporty?

What do people think happens in really small rural or Island communities where its quite likely you will be taught by your parents or your sibling?

I was in my mom's high school for four years and in her class for two. It was actually harder as she had to appear fair so was tougher on me (and often apologised for it). Maybe that will happen?

I think our children may be in the same class.

Not a good idea. My children went to the school I teach at, and several other mums are TAs/midday assistants/office staff etc. So I'm a bit biased, but think that it's ok to have children of staff in the same school. But same class seems like asking for trouble. I had as little to do with my daughter as possible when she was in my year group. I wonder what the school's reasoning is? Is the TA very experienced in Y6? Is there only.one class in each year group?

It’s not ideal at all. Unless the school is badly managed generally there is likely a reason for it as most HTs will avoid it at all costs.

Nine times out of ten having hour parent in your class is unfair on the child because parents are harder on their child (that’s why we never allow parent helpers to be in their child’s group on play scheme trips).

No, I wouldn't be happy with this at all. Especially if your DD had issues with her son in the past.

I dunno actually, could solve the problem, doubt he will misbehave with his mother there. The truth is this is every kids worst nightmare. I'd let her crack on.

We had this at DS and DD primary school☹️

She was TA/Sports coach and used to appear in their classes 🤣

Thankfully my children are in Secondary school now but sad to say that some parents TA there too at leat the kids move to different subjects so less scope for favouritism. Some parents cannot seem to leave their children alone

I hated it at their primary and this ladies kids were favoured

Our school also let parents 'volunteer' in their kids classes- totally unethical.

You have my sympathy

I am a teacher and a couple of times I've had TAs with children in the class. It's not always a problem but it does depend on the staff being extremely professional. It can be challenging from the teacher's point of view too! I would say not to raise anything at the moment if nothing specific has happened this term, but to make sure you aren't afraid to discuss with the class teacher if any problems arise. I suppose on the plus side it will be harder for him to get away with lying if she is in the room.

That sounds all sorts of unreasonable to me. It's unreasonable for the children in terms of favouritism but also because information sharing means she'll be party to sensitive information about his peers and friends which isn't appropriate (E.g. I've been made aware of divorces that are about to happen to keep an eye on / terminal illnesses etc). All it takes us for her to discuss her day at home and her DC could end up knowing more than he should because he's overheard half conversations.

On another (maybe bitchy) note, no wonder her child has developed an entitled and nasty side because he thinks his mother will say the sun shines out his arse. By secondary she'll be a bit surprised to find that suddenly staff will investigate her child for bullying and he'll get a surprise that he's not golden child.

My dc were at my school when they were younger, never was with them and actively avoided being in their playgrounds etc.
Sounds totally unacceptable

DH is a TA in our tiny local primary school which our dc have all attended. He is usually harder on them than he would be other children, probably so that he isn't showing favouritism. The dcs all refer to him as Mr X during the whole school day and sometimes lapse into it at home. It's never been raised as an issue as the school is very rural with several large intertwined families and several members of staff such as TA's, dinner ladies etc are related to several of the children.

I was never with them sorry first week back and I'm beyond tired

I worked as a TA in my sons Primary School but not his class.
Our year 2 teacher at the time had her daughter in her class. That was a nightmare and her DD hated being in her class.
The Early years Assistant had her son in her class last year, I assume that worked out ok.

Small island/rural type community dweller chiming in - while parents are TAs at the schools, they generally aren't in their DC's classrooms. I think you'd be well within your rights to request otherwise OP. It can't be helped sometimes, and I often see people in various different capacities (I wear plenty 'hats' myself) but, if anything, it makes us more aware of the need for boundaries where they can be drawn.
I wonder if this is a ploy by the school to lessen the mother's blind spot? Not that this should be done at the expense of the other children, of course.

Not a good idea at all. Years ago I taught a class and had, as my TA, the mother of one of the children. To be fair, she was very on the ball, and refused to pander to her child, but the child was very clingy with her mum, and didn’t like to see her working with other children. It was tough, and SLT admitted to me that it had been “poor planning” on their part.

Our school also let parents 'volunteer' in their kids classes- totally unethical

Sometimes schools have to make a choice between allowing parents to volunteer in their child’s class and having no volunteers.

In the last school I was in there was 14 regular parent helpers. New policy came in that meant you couldn’t help in your own child’s class and the result was the school ended up with 5 regular parent volunteers. The HT took the stance that she’d rather have less volunteers, but many schools rely on their volunteers heavily so would waver.