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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how you would respond

26 replies

insanepizza · 06/09/2019 18:15

Name changed as this is outing but I would appreciate your advice as I am clouded with anger.

DD collected a friend en route to school every day last year, I am saying this to show she was not a stranger to dog (see below).

In June she was waiting at their house and dog approached her, she slightly bent down to say hello and dog bit her face. Everyone who was there confirmed it was unprovoked, no noise, not in dog's space etc. Injury sustained not huge but she will be scarred on her face for life (I dread to think of it had been her eye).
Mum told me they were having dog put down that day.
Dog was not put down and they told me they were rehoming it. Mum told me she would 'never be able to have children in the house whilst dog there' etc.
Three months later and I saw dog being walked by dad in village without a lead or muzzle.
Last night get text saying they are not rehoming dog and having party on Saturday would DD like to come, dog would be shut away.
I respond to say will dog be locked away where children can't accidentally let out or just in another room.
She has responded to say she cannot guarantee dog wouldn't accidentally be let out.

I am so angry. We were very reasonable at time, didn't call police, thought it was an accident. She has since told me dog nipped another child previously but she didn't count that as it was in his bed and dad has told me that 'dog sometimes growls when I put my hand down but that is normal'.

I feel lied to and I feel they are totally minimising risk of dog. Clearly DD won't be going, but I feel I should point out they should've warned other parents. DH thinks that's too strong.

How would you respond? I have drafted a number of responses, DH says all a bit aggressive (no swearing but pointing out about warning others etc). I just feel I've been taken for a mug at being so reasonable.

OP posts:
StealthPussy · 06/09/2019 18:17

Report to police.

dudsville · 06/09/2019 18:19

Is it too simple to suggest you just don't let your dd go if you are worried?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 06/09/2019 18:21

If my dog bit a child the dog would have to go, unless there had been a really good reason (such as the child causing the dog physical pain deliberately). I say this as someone who loves dogs and has had dogs for most of my life; it's a risk I simply would not take.

You are not being unreasonable to be very angry, and to want other parents to be warned that this dog is not safe with children. The lies make it worse.

I can't help wondering whether the child who lives there is going to be bitten one day, and whether the mother will be as able to forget about that that as she seems to have been about yours being bitten.

What sort of dog is it?

imnotinthemood · 06/09/2019 18:21

She agreed dog would be put down .
Dog was not although I can see why they would not want too but to not even put a muzzle on a dog who is clearly aggressive is wrong . I'd report it because it sounds like this dog will most likely do this again and it could be worse .
I'm not a expert but can you report to RSPCA and ask advice?

insanepizza · 06/09/2019 18:35

Dudsville, I will certainly be telling them DD won't be coming but I feel I should point out that they are minimising what happened and I should say something.

RSPCA advice good.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 06/09/2019 18:42

Maybe point out that you took no further action at the time since they said dog would be PTS but since they have changed their minds then so have you?

The dog clearly represents a significant risk and it could be negligent on your part if the authorities were not made aware. Do you have any written or photographic evidence?

I would be extremely angry.

dollydaydream114 · 06/09/2019 18:43

can you report to RSPCA and ask advice?

The RSPCA deals with cases of animal welfare. It has no power to do anything about a dog biting someone. It can only do anything if you suspect the dog is being mistreated. If you think the dog is dangerous you need to speak to your council dog warden or the police.

TheVanguardSix · 06/09/2019 18:44

I'm fuming on your behalf, OP!

Definitely don't have DD in that home again, not to make a point (well, sort of!) but to avoid that dangerous dog.
I wouldn't have anything to do with such a disrespectful, careless family. 'What's a dog-bite/scar-for-life amongst friends', is basically their terrible message to you.
I wonder how they'll deal with the dog when it launches another unprovoked attack on a stranger. Will they be so careless then?
With friends like that...

I'd probably respond with what I just wrote. Confused

From the RSPCA's website: Under the Dangerous Dogs Act, it's illegal for a dog to be 'out of control' or to bite or attack someone.

Report!

TheVanguardSix · 06/09/2019 18:45

Yes, dolly is right, you report to your council's dog warden service.

CalmdownJanet · 06/09/2019 18:49

I would say something like "To be honest Mary I am really disappointed, we were very reasonable about our daughter being bitten on the face but that was only because you assured us you would do the right thing. Since then you keep moving the goalposts. Thanks for the invite, dd won't be there and I have contacted the police about the dog. I really shouldn't have had to do that, you really have been very unfair"

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 06/09/2019 18:51

Report to the police. Ultimately if they proceed with the matter and it goes to court, the sentence would involve a dog expert assessing the dog and the court issuing a control order if it is not dangerous, this order would involve things like it having a muzzle on in public etc.

insanepizza · 06/09/2019 18:51

Ok thank you for clarity on RSPCA. Clearly DD has not been to their house since.

However, DD does sometimes walk our dog in village alone and it was Wednesday morning that I saw dog being cycled in village with no muzzle or lead (past our house), DS and I had just reversed out of our drive but 3 minutes earlier and dog could've easily approached DS (who is younger than DD).

OP posts:
insanepizza · 06/09/2019 18:53

@CalmdownJanet that is very good.

Somehow still very nervous about reporting to police.

OP posts:
insanepizza · 06/09/2019 18:53

Sorry, trying to remember to answer peoples questions, dog is a rough collie (I think)

OP posts:
insanepizza · 06/09/2019 18:54

I don't really have written evidence but I do have a picture of DD's injury and obviously evidence on her face now.

OP posts:
Windydaysuponus · 06/09/2019 18:56

Police.
And I say that as a ddog owner.

imnotinthemood · 06/09/2019 19:02

Why are you nervous about reporting to the police ?
You know you need to do something . if the RSPCA have no powers you will have to speak to the police .
Just explain that you thought you could sort the situation between yourselves.

Rm2018 · 06/09/2019 19:15

Report it. Another child who is smaller could be really hurt. Stop procrastinating

Lindy2 · 06/09/2019 19:23

I would decline the party invitation and would reduce contact with them as I would not want myself or anyone in my family to be near their dog.
I'm not sure I would report it to the police or RSPCA though. I don't think I could bring myself to be the reason an animal was put down. I may be too soft. It may not be the right approach.
Did your DD have hospital treatment at the time of the bite? If she did, did the hospital take the details of the dog?

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/09/2019 19:34

These people are complete idiots. I do understand your reluctance not to report. This is always what people who care more about the dog than children, especially those, who are not theirs.

Dd was also bitten on the face by a collie with no warning. I also didn’t report it. The owners said they would discuss with a behaviourist and if they said the dog was too dangerous they would put it down. Then did fuck all and got incredibly nasty when I called them out on it. Couldn’t understand why we were no longer ok with them bringing the dog to our house and leaving it in our garden. Dd was a baby at the time. She also has a small scar.

insanepizza · 06/09/2019 20:01

Sorry to hear that @Mummyoflittledragon.

So I have sent a message telling them DD won't go (obviously). I have said I don't think they're taking it seriously enough and that I expect them to take the necessary precautions. If I see the dog without a lead / muzzle again I will call 101.

In all honesty if I had called the police at the time I think they would have given advice to owners about keeping people safe so I don't think they would've had to have dog put down then.

Sadly DD's face will never be 100% the same again, she will always have a line that hopefully scar diminish over time and when she's older make up should mask it as well. DD has been amazing about it really and hasn't become petrified of bigger dogs (we have a small one) but she does say the scar bother her/is self conscious about it.

OP posts:
MitziK · 06/09/2019 20:02

Pretty sure that a claim for permanent scarring from their animal would focus their minds. Especially now you have messages admitting that the dog bit her.

WhatsMyPassword · 06/09/2019 20:07

If the dog was on private land, there is nothing that can be done.

WhatsMyPassword · 06/09/2019 20:11

If I see the dog without a lead / muzzle again I will call 101

I am playing devils advocate here - muzzles are not the law. Leads are required in some places not others. No one has reported this dog. 101 wont do anything because you saw a god - with no recorded history of aggressive behaviour, out and not breaking any laws.

This is so after the event, how can you prove it was this dog that bit ? This happened 3 months ago.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 06/09/2019 20:17

A dog which bites a human being anywhere, private land, private house or wherever, is still a dangerous dog in law.

www.gov.uk/control-dog-public

"It’s against the law to let a dog be dangerously out of control anywhere, such as:
in a public place
in a private place, for example a neighbour’s house or garden
in the owner’s home
The law applies to all dogs."

A dog which bites someone is deemed to be out of control.

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