To skive the birthday meal?

[FloatingObject]

My boyfriend's sister's husband is turning 41. There was a big shindig for his 40th which I attended.

Now theres a birthday lunch for him tomorrow which I have been summoned to.

Family is really important to my boyfriend, they all see each other every day, and it's seen as a big massive deal if their partners dont attend stuff.

But I actually cannot be fucked to spend my Saturday sitting in my "SILs" living room and listening to in gossip.

On the other hand, my boyfriend and his sister and mother will be disappointed with me if I dont go.

So: skive or not skive?

I wouldn't go OP I would make a excuse that you not feeling to good,

my DP is very close to his family but they are not so nice with me don't engage in a conversation, will look at each others faces when I'm taking, make me feel very uncomfortable but infront of DP they act like they love me, so now I just make excuses not to attend any parties or gatherings I do feel bad on DP, but just rather not be around people who don't respect me or make me feel comfortable

Well it's 11:00am here and the meal is at 12. He's still asleep. He actually put his back out so he was debating potentially not going as it would be painful/difficult to drive. Tempted to not wake him but I do know that would be mean 🤣

Oh the alarm clock didn't go off! What a shame, drink some wine so you can't drive him there - #sorted!

How often do you see them?

Nah if he wants to go he can wake himself up.

So he got up and had a shower and I said I wasnt going and he said "great, that means I can't either with my back". I do feel really shit now. He's gone back to bed :(

Unless I've missed it, you haven't really said if they are nasty to you or anything that would make sense for why you don't want to go. You've said they dont really engage with you, but do you try talking to them? It doesn't sound like it much.

You've decided not to go now and upset your partner. Birthdays are important to some families. It does sound like you aren't compatible with each other unfortunately. He is family orientated, you aren't. Nothing wrong with that, but no point wasting each others time either.

It sounds like something has to give, either the relationship or your boyfriend joining in every single family thing.

My MIL would like nothing more than for us to join them every weekend and for every family event.

My husband actually warned me that though he loves her and is happy for us to have a warm relationship, he has seen her cut his father's family out, and he doesn't want that for ours. He specifically wanted to live no closer than 40m so that she wouldn't always be in our hair.

It works well, though ironically he probably sees his father's family more than anything else at the football, because that's the only place she hasn't cut them out.

It’s important to your boyfriend so yes go. Maybe try and adopt a more positive attitude regarding them for one evening as you said yourself family is really important to your boyfriend.

Did you go?

No '@AmIThough