To skive the birthday meal?

[FloatingObject]

My boyfriend's sister's husband is turning 41. There was a big shindig for his 40th which I attended.

Now theres a birthday lunch for him tomorrow which I have been summoned to.

Family is really important to my boyfriend, they all see each other every day, and it's seen as a big massive deal if their partners dont attend stuff.

But I actually cannot be fucked to spend my Saturday sitting in my "SILs" living room and listening to in gossip.

On the other hand, my boyfriend and his sister and mother will be disappointed with me if I dont go.

So: skive or not skive?

If it were my DHs family I'd go but I like him and them so.......

Do you mean every day?! That's not normal and going to be very strenuous longer term, esp if you want kids.

which I have been summoned to
WHAT!!!???????
they all see each other every day
And say WHAT NOW!!!?????

Why???
I couldn't be dealing with this - I really couldn't.

Find some one who does not give a shining turd about their family.
Don't do this though.
You want someone who does value family.
Just not this much.

Can you imagine this long term with kids involved!?
I'd run now..... THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I regularly swerve general meet up at the in-laws. Bit trickier to get out of official birthday celebrations. Cant ya suck it up and agree on a time to leave before hand?

What do you mean they require you to do Your Hair?

You haven't been 'summoned' anywhere.

If you don't feel like going then be honest.

They may be 'disappointed' but as adults they'll get over it. If they don't then it might be time to rethink your relationship but also your attitude to allowing people to control you.

It was sarcasm Hells

I just don't see why going to ILs stuff should be compulsory or a guilty feeling thing. Why should it be? Take all the time in the world to spend your Saturday with your family but why should I....?

If you see a long term relationship, his family will become your family (unfortunately for you by the sound of things!) so you have to make the same effort as you would with your siblings.
There needs to be a balance though.
Seeing each other every day is extreme.

I'd skive!

He wants to be with someone who would like to be around his family a lot and you don’t. It’s just going to be a continuous contention especially if they have such a strong reaction to you not being there rather than just accepting it or thinking “that’s just Floating”.

Take all the time in the world to spend your Saturday with your family but why should I....?

Because you’re a couple and that’s what couples do. Sometimes you do things you don’t really want because your partner does.

Does your BF go to your family gathering? Does he have time with the amount he spends with his own?

I’d skive a surging I didn’t want to attend. Just because they expect doesn’t mean you should. Your times your own.

I feel ever so slightly suffocated reading your OP. I’d feel that way about spending time with my own side of the family in fairness.

I’d swerve it, you’re expected to go but no one properly engages with you? What’s the point? I’d agree with others though that long term your relationship might not work out as you and your boyfriend have different ideas about how much time to spend with family, mainly his.

Skive.

You’re allowed to do things without your bf & he should respect this

A not even BIL's 41st birthday is a total non event. No way I'd go. Make plans with a friend so you've got a reason to miss it.

Well I told him I didn't feel like it and he said "but they're expecting you".

Looks like I have to go...

You don’t. He’s attempting to guilt you into it and by the looks of it you’re letting him. Your choice.

Don't go. Send him with your blessing but go and do something more interesting instead. If the relationship doesn't survive he needs to find a girlfriend who wants to date him and his family. It'll suit some people but obviously not you.
There is a big difference between doing things that your partner wants and spending time with their family, and being suffocated. This lot sound suffocating.

You lost me at the word 'summoned'.

I would go for a birthday but I would be having serious chats with the boyfriend about the expectation you attend but are ignored/your needs aren't considered. Its rude behaviour and you shouldn't put up with it.

Definitely time for an unexpected migraine

Just to clarify in the name of fairness: I don't see them every day at all, he does. I just kind of think look, you see him every day, Saturday is his only day off and you'll be seeing him rather than him spending it with me (#diva), that should be enough for you. I want to spend my Saturday the way I want.

I've said in other threads, it's also because where we live is dictated by his mum wanting him to live close by, so this is why theres a bit of resentment and me not wanting to go if you get where I'm coming from

I am changing this though. It's just I have a few professional changes I need to make before I can tackle the relationship