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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

oh I AM, I KNOW, I am overreacting and the rest, but MIL is ANNOYING ME

125 replies

fillyjonk · 08/08/2007 13:22

And why?

She INSISTS on my kids (aged 2 and nearly 4) wearing a bloody plastic BIB at every meal they take with her

I tried losing ours, a thoughtful Christmas present from her to us (note not her to the kids).

But she has bought more and this time carries them with her when she comes to visit so that there is no chance of either of her grandchildren going bibless for a meal.

It is turning into a stand off. At the start of each meal, including those involving only sliced apples and rice cakes, she whips out the bibs and sighs and says to the kids, "well, better get these on you, I suppose".

I am not sure WHY it annoys me so much, and I accept that I am making a mountain out of a molehill but it is SO annoying.

I could possibly cope if they were nice bibs and my kids were about half their current ages.

OP posts:
lljkk · 08/08/2007 17:39

Very ROFL at this thread. My suggestion:
Get a dog. Put the bibs aside and declare "Oh, but we must let bits fall on the floor so that Mollie can have some treats, too. She'll lick the table clean for us, too, did you know? Isn't that sweet!?"

Caroline1852 · 08/08/2007 17:42

Get a dog and put bibs on dog.

Katy44 · 09/08/2007 08:55

Don't forget to mention that you've sold the dishwasher as the dog licks the plates clean too!

anniebear · 09/08/2007 09:19

Lol, mine would have said "I dont wear bibs nanna, Im 4" I could quite imagine them laughing at her for gettintg bibs out!!!

maybe when you do tea, say to your older child "you dont wear a bib do you, your 4"

then when Granny tries next to put one on, hopefully .............."I dont wear a bib Granny, Im 4" will be said

sophieandbelly · 09/08/2007 09:30

is it me or do all mil have this really thick skin that even if you spell it out they still dont get the message!!!
that would drive me mad!
just for the record i do like my mil,hopefully still be able to say the same once junior arrives!!

Original poster
fillyjonk · 09/08/2007 10:14

lol at dog

training the kids is an idea BUT

They do like to do EVERYTHING their grandparents suggest,somehow.

I have lost the battle of the socks with sandals already . I do not want another defeat.

OP posts:
Original poster
fillyjonk · 09/08/2007 10:17

oh sophie, i am sure it WILL be ok but...my MIL was fine really with me for years til we had kids. Then it changed.

The first inkling I had that all might not be as I had hoped was when she turned up about a month before the birth with a bunch of dp's old clothes for ds. I was very tactful but never did really let ds wear them as I feared spontaneous combusion or worse, stains.

(did put him in them and take some quick action photos)

OP posts:
caterpiller · 09/08/2007 10:25

She sounds well out of order. I would not be able to tolerate any of her little 'ways.'

I think it's strange that you accept her going through your drawers. Or even goung into your bedroom without being asked.

How bizarre.

Original poster
fillyjonk · 09/08/2007 10:31

why? It does no harm. I don't leave anything IN my drawers really.

If I keep the peace, she takes my kids for long walks. Then returns them, tired and happy.

Its rather odd behaviour also and not the work of a happy woman, IMO. I think she has problems dealing with the fact that her sons both live as far as possible from her and don't need her at all.

Not being a woman in my 70s, I don't really feel qualified to judge her.

But also, why have a fight unless you need to? Arguments very rarely solve anything with MILs, IMO.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMum · 09/08/2007 10:47

"But tbh- I can't stop her doing it without an utterly almightly row. A lot of this comes down to her wanting to be needed, but also not being very interested in what we actually need, rather imposing her ideas of what we OUGHT to need upon us.

So I have to endure her cleaning my house, which actually does massively piss me off, and THEN she expects a thank you. And sulks if she doesn't get it. "

Filly - if you hadn't just said she's in her 70's I'd have thought you were talking about my MIL - when she stayed with us last time, she would greet me on my return from work with a list of all the things in my house that she'd cleaned that day, usually adding "...and it really needed it" and then expecting abject gratitude.

If in the thirty two years I've known her she had once cleaned my oven I could forgive her all the rest...

purplemonkeydishwasher · 09/08/2007 10:57

someting about having a grandchild by a woman not blood related to them makes woman go nuts. actually, now that i think about MY mom is wacko now too.

so something about having a grandchild makes women go nuts.

something else to look forward to then!

Spandex · 09/08/2007 11:31

Well, stop moaning about your MIL then Fillyjonk, if you don't mind her rummaging in your drawers (downright intrusive) or her telling you what to do with your children or cleaning up your fridge (she thinks you're dirty). But I think you're simmering away with annoyance and probably will have a row eventually and it'll maybe be worse because you've left it so long. She won't understand why suddenly you're annoyed.

I don't get that because you're not a woman in your '70's you don't feel qualified to judge her? I'm sorry but basic courtesy and respecting the preferences of others especially in their own homes has nothing to do with age. It has to do with manners and minding one's own business.

I wouldn't put up with any of that sh*t from anyone personally not even if they took my kids out for the day. Don't forget she gets a lot of fun taking the kids out too. It's not so much of a bind. Don't be so very grateful. You sould a bit of a doormat to me.

WinkyWinkola · 09/08/2007 11:32

Why do women go nuts about having grandchildren? And why do they go nuts about having grandchildren that are the children of a woman not blood related to them? I totally agree with that but I'm wondering why?

Please god. I don't want to go nuts when I have grandchildren!

Dropdeadfred · 09/08/2007 11:34

So Filly..her love for and time spent with your children is dependent on you following her every wish and bowing to her walking roughshod over you?
F**k that - if she loved them she would take them on the walks and spend time with them even if you put a lock on your bedroom door, burnt the bibs and told her in your house it's your rules.

Upwind · 09/08/2007 12:29

Lock your bedroom door - you can have a key cut quite cheaply. When she asks why it is locked, just say "is it? what were you looking for, I can go get it" If she presses you explain that you and your DH like your privacy and some of your older dc's friends had gone as far as opening drawers in your bedroom .

I have a suspicion that if she thinks you really want her to clean she will stop - next time she is around mention that the oven really needs done and if she has a chance, could she

And I would personally let the rest go - your dcs will eventually object to the bibs and it won't do them any harm.

Caroline1852 · 09/08/2007 12:34

I think Filly is just being mature about it. Her MIL pisses her off and she is venting on here but she is not about to cause world war III over it.... very sensible in my opinion. I think her MIL's age is relevant - weren't we all taught to have respect for our elders? Also, trying to get the children to take sides is pretty petty - imagine the uproar if the MIL started priming the children to say "Can I put my bib on now please Grandma?".
I think Filly is spot on, be outraged but in a good humoured way and keep it all in perspective.
My mother in law comes every Sunday for lunch. Some Sundays she announces that she is going to go and have a look round upstairs. Sometimes she even asks our visitors if they would like to see our upstairs. It is infuriating at times (especially if she wants to do an upstairs tour and I have left the odd bed unmade but it is also hilariously funny and best kept in perspective.

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 12:38

I am with you Filly.

My MIL is a PITA, but she loves the children.

And she lives a long way away (thank the Lord), so we don't see her that often.

And she doens't have the most comfortable of relationships with any of her children, which is .

And I have a son....

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 12:39

WW - "And why do they go nuts about having grandchildren that are the children of a woman not blood related to them?"

Eh?

Also the children of their son, surely?

Upwind · 09/08/2007 12:39

I agree Caroline, that Filly is handling it well and humour is the only way to deal with it - but also think it is unacceptable for anyone to snoop in bedroom drawers! I suppose comic relief could be had from adding some gay porn to DH's side and watching her reaction!

expatinscotland · 09/08/2007 12:40

My MIL just threw the most almighty fit when we told her we were moving 80 miles away.

She really upset DH because she refused to speak to him on teh phone.

I know she'll miss the girls, but fgs, so we're supposed to live in this overcrowded, pokey flat with NO garden and no chance of ever renting or buying a decent place to live because of property prices here when we have the chance to rent an amazing house for £200/month for a couple of years and save up?

WTF.

I want my kids to have a better life than me, and if that means they hit the road to another place to get that, so be it!

Dropdeadfred · 09/08/2007 12:42

EXpat -she'll come round. Is it a big shock to her then...did she not know before?

Caroline1852 · 09/08/2007 12:43

Upwind - big lol!

alicet · 09/08/2007 12:44

Ditto dropdeadfred and spandex.

Can't understand why this doesn't drive you absolutely nuts and want to thump her! I couldn't stand to have someone being so disrespectful to me in my own home! This is making me appreciate my mil too and also learn how NOT to act when my ds's are married with kids!!!!

Agree that taking the kids out is as much (if not more) for her than for you. She probably loves spending the time with them (my mil is the same) so you shouldn't have to put up with this sort of treatment in order for her to do that. Go on, stand up to her! Can understand your reluctance to have a fight but you don't need to shout or have a go at her. Simply calmly state what is and isn't acceptable to you in your own home. And preferebly do it when your dh is there and dc's are not and get him to stand up for you

expatinscotland · 09/08/2007 12:44

No, DH put off telling her because he knew she'd freak. I mean, what are we supposed to do, magic up a pot of money so we can stay? It's not going to happen, but there's every chance it will in another part of the country.

The girls are crying out for a garden.

We both hate cities - DH and I.

hunkermunker · 09/08/2007 12:46

What's the battle of the socks with sandals, FJ?

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