In thinking this was pretty bad parenting on dh's part?

[karenbokaren]

Quite happy to be handed my ass and told I'm a mean cow.

It's ds's third day of school today. The other two days he's been excited to go. Today not so much. Not for any particular reason I don't think, he loved it when he came home yesterday. He just woke up in a stink.

I came down to make him breakfast and pack lunch.

After five minutes he strolls happily downstairs. DH has just ordered him a Thunderbirds toy (for him agreeing to go to school.)

I'm pretty annoyed. I've told dh I thought it wasn't his best parenting move ever and that it's setting the wrong idea that a: school is negotiable. B: that he gets bought things if he's having a wobbler.

DH thinks I'm being mean.

@museumum School IS indeed non-negotiable but it doesn't sound to me like you're showing much sympathy about your child doing something very big and scary and emotionally draining.

How have you come to that conclusion?

Of COURSE I'm sympathetic to ds starting school. I've actually done the starting school process with many children over the years, I'm more aware than most what a big thing it is. Also, I loathed primary school. I remember starting and how much I hated it very well.

Not buying something too keep ds quiet doesn't mean I'm not doing many other things to support him. I'm the one actually picking him up, spending hours talking about his day, reading to him, making sure he has a nice snack and special dinner to come home to. I gave him a bloody massage before bed last night, I've hardly kicked him out of the door in the mornings with a piece of coal and a slap.

I’d have seen it more as a distraction because he was fretting about school, rather than a “reward” for going?
Couldn’t get aerated about it.

It's partly because I can totally see dh doing this every time ds doesn't want to go. He's a lovely, kind and generous person but he also likes to take the easiest path when it comes to parenting.

I've actually had a really hard time with ds starting school. I'm certainly not being cold about it.

I think it's terrible parenting and completely the wrong meaasage

It’s a pretty stupid precedent, but do you let him tell you how to parent? Anyway, it’s completely hypocritical given that you’ve promised him an ice cream. The only difference is the amount of money.

Honestly - pick your battles. It’s not like dh bought him a thousand pound watch.

My dh is too soft on child too. It is just the sort of thing he would do too. My thinking is that it will just make him expect toys every day he does not to go to school.Better to give him toy for being so good about school after a couple of weeks to make him associate school and gifts with being good.

Im wondering what your dh will do when your ds will only agree to get up and go to shool if he is bought a toy....

Maybe, the best way to deal with it is to leave your dh do all the morning routine and see if he is happy to buy that many toys....

It's easy to be a good dad or mum while being a bad parent. Being your child's friend is not helpful. We can all be loved if all it takes is to give a new toy to bribe to go to school, or "it's ok you don't need to brush your teeth tonight" or whatever.

It's lazy, bad parenting, and your DH should have 1000x other tricks up his sleeve to deal with this by now. And if he hasn't, it's piss poor planning.

Doesn't matter how others trivialise this, it's just lazy easy street parenting. The actual details or situation is less relevant, it's the lack of effort or foresight that would make me concerned. Either he's on the Same page with parenting styles ornot op.. and it sounds "not".

No great, have a word with your husband about it and agree a strategy. It would be better to offer rewards he can aim for, rather than being bribed out of being difficult if you see what I mean.

I think your DH is spoiling him a bit. But like others have said as long as he doesn't do it all the time and you ds is only little.