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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF childminder

97 replies

Poetryinaction · 05/09/2019 07:31

I can only find one person who will collect my ds from preschool. She looks after ds after preschool and his younger sister full time.
It's term time only as I am a teacher.
She keeps asking for paid holidays in term time, which is odd as she has school aged children. I guess she takes them away and pays any fine with the money we pay her. It's tricky as then I have no childcare. She often lets us doen when her kids are ill too.
She has recently asked us to pay for meals on top of her hourly rate.
Now she has told me she can't give my dc dinner one day a week as her dd has a swimming lesson.
I am annoyed as I thought she was paid to look after my dc, therefore not available for swimming lessons?
I have looked at alternative childcare but feel stuck now as my ds love preschool and it feeds into his school so I really need someone for that pick up.
I don't suppose I am looking for solutions, just to see if people agree she is a CF??

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 05/09/2019 08:29

While I agree that she can do all of these things because she is self employed, she is also being an absolute dick by changing so many goalposts.

Thirded.

Settlersofcatan · 05/09/2019 08:37

She sounds pretty awful. This is the sort of thing that puts me off childminders too.

Have you asked the pre school for ideas? Maybe one of the teachers there would be up for some extra hours babysitting or know of a parent who might be interested. You could then move your younger child to a different childminder or nursery

Original poster
Poetryinaction · 05/09/2019 08:38

Thanks settlers. Yes I have done that. Fingers crossed!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/09/2019 08:41

It doesn’t sound great, but until you can find an alternative, you’re stuck with it. She can set whatever terms she likes and you either take it or leave it.

I like nursery because it’s reliable. The staff are only there to care for the children so aren’t distracted by other children with competing desires/needs or their own chores etc. But it has downsides as you know. If you think she’s better than a good nursery then you just have to suck it up.

Tanith · 05/09/2019 08:42

"Childminders have decided as a group they want all that flexibility of being self-employed but that actually they want the rest of it too. So as a group they set up these ridiculous contracts specifying that parents pay when they are on holiday and so on. And because they all sign up to the same little club and all use the same contracts, they have parents over a barrel. "

Oh? And what would that "group" be? I've been a childminder for 18 years and I've never heard of it!
We're all self employed; we all set our own rates and our own policies. There is no "group" that decides anything - that would be price fixing and it's illegal.

Op, it depends on what is written in your contract, but I have to say that all this sounds quite unusual for the childminders I know - unless you're on a super-low rate, of course. OR she's not registered.

TheTeenageYears · 05/09/2019 08:44

I looked into becoming a childminder and the rules to being registered seemed fairly strict in that it’s a job and the childminders home a work place for all the hours she has children in her care.

Like any business she is free to set her own working hours, rates and terms and how she goes about this will depend on how much of a captive audience she feels she has and actually how much she needs to work/to earn. If she thinks she is going to struggle to earn what she needs or wants she is going to be much more flexible over rates and timings but if that’s not the biggest issue for her she will make more demands and say I only work this time to this time, don’t include meals, want to be paid for holidays during term time etc - pretty much what she is doing.

It’s not good form to take on a job and then change the terms (saying she can no longer look after your children because one of hers has an after school activity) but ultimately either you have to accept it or vote with your feet. I’m really sorry there doesn’t seem to be an alternative, i’ve Been in your shoes and it’s a nightmare. Like any industry there are people who do a professional job and there are those who don’t. She sounds like someone who wants all the benefits of work without the sacrifice.

expatinspain · 05/09/2019 08:51

When I was using a childminder, the first one
took four weeks paid holiday and paid bank holidays. I was even supposed to pay her for Xmas day and Boxing Day!! She often took hols in term time. I also had to provide all food. It's s but if a minefield. They can kind of do what they like! I also had to pay 'holding fee' of £300, which was non refundable!

The second one took four weeks holidays, but no pay for bank hols. She often took term time holidays too and long weekends in term time. She provided all the food and didn't charge a holding fee. She didn't charge if she was sick and only half price if DD was sick. I've heard of childminders charging for their sick days too!!

pjmask · 05/09/2019 08:52

You really don't sound like you like her, making snide comments about the tv being on all the time (how can you possibly know this?!) A childminder is self employed, they set their own terms. My Cm took my dc to watch their dc swimming lesson, it didn't bother me at all as I wanted a home from home environment for them. But if things like that bother you , you should be discussing them with your Cm not botching about her on the internet

AhNowTed · 05/09/2019 08:59

Unusual for cm to provide dinner.
Lunch yes, but surely you have dinner at home.

How much are you paying her?

Lowlandlucky · 05/09/2019 09:01

The childminders i knew were all paid half rates as a retainer if the parents choose not send their children that day or week, or parents had the choice to take the risk that the childminder would still have a place avaliable when they needed the childminder again. The childminder is running as business not doing you a favour. Get a Nanny

Original poster
Poetryinaction · 05/09/2019 09:06

She told me that she has the tv on in the background all day.

OP posts:
Milicentbystander72 · 05/09/2019 09:07

I used a CM for over 10yrs (she's now a close family friend!).

My CM always gave an evening home cooked meal for no extra cost. Holiday dates were agreed nearly 12 months in advance and I never paid HER when she was on holiday, same for when she or her D.C. were sick (which was hardly ever).
She also made many trips out to the zoo, National trust parks, softplay, museums etc for no extra cost. My CM normally paid for annual passes so she just factored it in.

Your CM sounds unusual and yes, a bit of CF. Unfortunately, I think you're a bit stuck until something else comes along.

AhNowTed · 05/09/2019 09:10

@Milicentbystander72 all that depends entirely on how much you pay her.

dottiedodah · 05/09/2019 09:13

I think she is changing the Goalposts TBH!.Why on earth does she take her children out of School during Term Time FGS?.You are paying her not the other way round!.I would be looking quite urgently for some different forms of CC.The problem with this sort of set up ,is that while many CMs are very professional and reliable ,some seem to feel they are doing you a favour!.She wouldnt probably be able to afford all the extras like hols and SL without her CM income!.Do you have any other parents of hers to talk to?.Maybe you could have a look on line for nearby Nurseries and CMs ?

dottiedodah · 05/09/2019 09:14

If she has TV on all day that is not acceptable !

Welltroddenpath · 05/09/2019 09:15

I had a great childminder then she stopped. The new CM wanted paid holidays and two weeks paid sick. But she had amonth off sick in six months, wanted a 20% pay rise and insisted she needed it all due to inflation. I tried pointing out that i hadn’t had a pay rise in two years and wasn’t paid if I couldn’t work due to no childcare.

You need a robust contract and point her back to it if she’s a CF as you say.

In the end I went back to nursery as no unexpected sick days, capped fee increases yearly and no last minute morning panics when I had no childcare. My original childminder then started CM again but I found CM too unstable in the end. I don’t think I would use one if I could go back in time. That year at work was so stressful. Good contract is key, so is mutual trust and I guess yours with her is going downhill re reliability?

CottonSock · 05/09/2019 09:17

This kind of hassle is why my youngest is not going to pre school would stress me out

kaytee87 · 05/09/2019 09:21

@CottonSock this wouldn't happen at a pre school though.

Atalune · 05/09/2019 09:31

About the TV thing I would call your early years advisor at your local authority who can put her right about this over the phone.

Childminders are like hens teeth so it will be done supportively. But I am actually very shocked about that.

ScatteredMama82 · 05/09/2019 09:47

What does your contract say? My CM has 2 weeks holiday a year which I pay her half fee for, and we can also take 2 weeks at half-fee. The rest of the time is paid for at normal rate, with the exception of bank holidays which are unpaid.

The hours of care should also be in your contract, as should any additional costs. I've never heard of paying separately for meals though - either they are included or not and this is reflected in the hourly rate. My CM doesn't provide meals, I send food with them.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 05/09/2019 10:00

@Tanith
I think what the poster meant is that Childminder's want the flexibility of being self employed but also many also want holiday and sick pay which has historically been the preserve of the "employed" rather than the "self employed" but i imagine its down to supply and demand what they can charge for - in areas where there is high demand for good quality childminders its just a given that parents will have to pay extra

VividImagination · 05/09/2019 10:01

I used a fantastic child minder for ds2 and ds3. With ds2 she had a same aged child and so gave them lunch together. With ds3 she’s asked that I provide a packed lunch. In all the years I used her she never cancelled once and she would take them if they were mildly unwell. The only issue I had with her was that she was term time only and charged 50% fees in the holidays. This suited her other families as they were teachers but meant that I had to pay someone else to look after them in the holidays which worked out very expensive.

DishingOutDone · 05/09/2019 10:01

Use your contract. It says holidays to be agreed, you can't agree term time holidays unfortunately. You can send meals etc in with the kids, you don't have to pay her.

My childminder did exactly this although some years ago now as mine are teenagers. I reckon she was up to all sorts but she was constantly asking for paid time off. I feel once you agree one concession more "requests" will follow - after all she pretty much has you over a barrel. People like this give hard working childminders a bad name.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/09/2019 10:05

I've never heard of paying separately for meals though - either they are included or not and this is reflected in the hourly rate.

I think this (and lots of things) are very specific to the local market - when we were looking for childminders a lot had an extra, optional charge for meals. As I said upthread our CM provides lunch without an extra charge but dinner costs extra (which we don't pay because DS doesn't have dinner there, we have it at home).

Bumbags · 05/09/2019 10:10

You should look into a nanny.

What do you pay per hour?

You could have childcare and dinner on the table and homework done with a nanny.

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