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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off at the “back to school” onslaught

32 replies

Blankspace4 · 04/09/2019 23:12

I can’t go near Facebook or instagram this week (as well as several WhatsApp groups) due to back-to-school-here’s-a-pic-of-my-child(ren)-in-uniform.

For someone struggling with fertility issues it’s harder than ever to see. Especially as people I want to school with not only have school starters, but several junior and some secondary. Feeling very left behind and irrelevant 😞

OP posts:

PickAChew · 04/09/2019 23:15

Just stay away from facebook and whatsapp (CBA with either), or change who you follow. You're going through shit but many people are going to share their everyday life with their family and friends.

Glitteryone · 04/09/2019 23:18

YANBU for feeling that way, however you are BU if you expect people not to post photos of their kids.

Maybe stay away from social media for a while?

dollydaydream114 · 04/09/2019 23:18

I understand that it's hard for you, but people are entitled to use Facebook for its intended purpose, which is sharing stuff that's happening in their lives - and that will often include their kids.

I can absolutely understand why this upsets you and I'm so sorry you're having a hard time ... but I think you just have to stay away from social media for a bit rather than being pissed off at other people sharing pics of their kids. They haven't done anything wrong.

SilkClayFlowers · 04/09/2019 23:19

Just stay away. I’ve got two children and find this week tedious. No photo in the doorway shots from me.

Fertility issues can especially suck at certain parts of the year.

Original poster

Blankspace4 · 04/09/2019 23:19

I know people aren’t doing anything wrong. It’s just relentless.

I think I’ll stay away, you’re right.

OP posts:

MontBlancHonk · 04/09/2019 23:21

I quite agree. So sorry to hear your infertility issues.
It must be particularly hard to see.

All a bit cringy too, no?

Branleuse · 04/09/2019 23:21

I think its fine to stay away from social media if it bothers you

pinkdelight · 04/09/2019 23:22

Sorry for what you're going through but as it upsets you it's no great hardship to stay away from Facebook and Instagram for a week. It's probably good to stay off it longer tbh. Kids are going back to school and people will post about it. They're doing nothing wrong. It's futile to wish otherwise, sorry.

Glitterfisher · 04/09/2019 23:22

YABU but totally understandable in your situation. I don't think you can blame people on FB for posting, there would be an endless number of things people would be unable to post to ensure others were not upset.

Back to school is a big deal for many people, people have their own struggles so it may mean an awful lot to them when their DC are starting juniors or seniors etc, or they are simply sharing with family/friends. I put a pic of my youngest starting seniors today, he has autism and ADHD and I am so proud of how he has handled the change etc. I had over 80 likes on the post, the most I have ever had I think. I would never post with the intention of upsetting anyone though of course.

As you say, definitely stay off FB for a week or so and it'll be over. Although you will never get away from people posting photos of their kids generally

Snoopdogsbitch · 04/09/2019 23:22

I'm sorry you're feeling this way- I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. However, in the gentlest possible way, other parents are allowed to be proud of their children ; they are not trying to upset you. Avoid SM for a few days to preserve your feelings.

RasberryRoyale · 04/09/2019 23:25

I’m in the same position OP. I know how painful it is. I actually stopped using SM for that reason.

Answerthequestion · 04/09/2019 23:26

I do get why it bothers you but people have reasons to be proud and want to show off. I posted pics of mine especially of my eldest as I’m beyond proud of him. He took his GCSE’s and got top grades whilst his dad was having treatment for stage 4 cancer. I felt that needed to be celebrated with a new school year photo.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 04/09/2019 23:35

Make a choice that minimises your distress.

I was that person with fertility issues and then a m/c .

Even while i was m/c I continued to see my very pregnant friend- i want to go through life feeling happy for other peoples joy.

Now I have children i am that person that posts the photos , because I know people like to see them ( and vice versa ).

Try to stay connected and not become avoidant as that just makes it worse.

WoahBodyforrrm · 04/09/2019 23:54

I really do feel for you and advise you to come off it for now.

When I was diagnosed with the ‘big C’ I was 28. I had my children by that point and I went through a stage of feeling gutted every time I went of FB and saw friends starting their families and getting married etc. It felt like a knife through my heart because I was looking at my kids and wondering how long I would have with them and wishing I could go back to the days when they were tiny and we were all oblivious to the fact that I was so ill.

I was so eaten up with envy (and I’ve never been envious of anyone ever) that I had to come off it for some months until I felt emotionally stronger. And that time did come. It’s 4 years later and I’m still fighting this with all I have, but I can look at what other people have and not feel sad. I just focus on me and the people I love.

I have been told my brain tumour is incurable but i have hope. Masses and masses of hope. Don’t ever lose hope.

Believe that one day you will get what you Long for.

Until then, care for yourself

JemSynergy · 04/09/2019 23:55

I have children and even I find it all a bit much. I don't post photos of my children in their school uniform on their first day back as they would hate it. They are 9 and 12 now and have told me to keep them off facebook. I also don't want everyone on my facebook knowing where my children go to school. I just send a few photos to our family whatsapp and frankly they are really the only ones who care about seeing my kids in their uniform!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 04/09/2019 23:59

I feel for those who have fertility issues. But I won't stop postings photos of my children because of it. I know one of my FB friends can't have children so I block her when I post photos of my children.

Tbh maybe a forum dedicated to mums isn't the right place for you

Wehttam · 05/09/2019 00:03

Oh it’s vile isn’t it. What I hate the most is how old and knackered the parents look when they pose with them then I realise they were in my class at school 😂🤭 This time of year I thank my lucky stars I’m kidless. Neice and nephew only.

my2bundles · 05/09/2019 00:05

Maybe just stay away for a while. As hard as this is for you there's another side. Just in my case I had fertility problems before I had my kids. One is my little miracle and the other has struggled with a severe disability her whole life. So yes I celebrate every single milestone including every new school year sharing because it's important to people who know us. Myself and others won't be guilt tripped into stopping because it's important to us.

damppatchnot · 05/09/2019 00:07

I was childless until I was 36 then became pregnant and had 3 by 41 (one stillborn)
Take heart. It may happen ❤️

Guilty of it 😌 my two are my world xxx

nanbread · 05/09/2019 00:12

YANBU, and while people can of course post what they want, I don't get it. You can be proud of your children or mark a moment without posting on social media about it. Obviously if you have something important you want to share or they've really achieved something remarkable that gives it context or meaning, so that makes more sense - but a random doorstep pic with "Oliver about to start Year 3!!!!" As the caption? Nope, don't get it.

FairyDust92 · 05/09/2019 00:13

Sorry to hear your troubles with fertility that must be really hard for you and sending you .

However I do think you're BU, I get that's it's hard for you to see but kids starting school is a big achievement for most and it's only the one day they will post pictures like that. Until next year of course x

kateandme · 05/09/2019 00:28

WoahBodyforrrm
what a beatufiul post.im sorry for what your going through.never stop fighting.one more person right here rooting for you with all i have.xx

kateandme · 05/09/2019 00:31

i undertand your hurt op.maybe look at in in a different way too.if you manage to have your children i think you too and even more so would want to celebrate every single second of them.
i know its hard though.really fucking hard and you just want to sit on the floor and weep after seeing them most of the time.

PenguinPop · 05/09/2019 00:40

Don't give up OP. There are so many ways to have a child these days and they keep developing new protocols. The vast majority of women I have seen lately with fertility issues, end up with a baby (whether it's IVF with your own eggs, donor, embryo adoption, traditional adoption etc).

ElephantsSitOnSmellyPants · 05/09/2019 00:42

I sympathise. But we all have our stuff, you know?

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