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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going on holiday without the kids

65 replies

Cindy55 · 04/09/2019 17:29

I have three kids under five, and I’ve posted previously on how difficult I’m finding motherhood.

My DM has gifted me money to go on a holiday, it’s her way of saying I’m not supporting you with your kids but il send you on a nice break. My DM isn’t maternal and she dislikes kids, her mantra is that she’s done her time raising kids and now she’s living her life. I’m fine with this, I don’t ask her for support and she barely visits us, I accepted this a long time ago.

I’ve booked a week in Turkey with my friend, I’m really looking forward to it especially as I hardly get to see my friend and I get to sleep!

My husband isn’t hands on with the children and he doesn’t support me, lately he’s trying to change before I have a complete breakdown. He’s agreed to look after the kids all by himself for a week, he’s got no problem with this and he’s offering me spending money. I think he feels guilty and he is trying to make up for it.

My FIL has found out and he is having a go at me, how can a mother leave a baby for a week. My DS is nine months, he will be fine with his dad for a week but now they’ve said I’m a bad mother. My mil even asked won’t I miss my kids? My friends said they could never leave their baby and go abroad for a whole week. Of course il miss the children but I need this desperately.

Am I selfish for wanting a week to myself? Or a bad mother?

OP posts:

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/09/2019 20:31

Go and have a well deserved break and don't listen to any if this oh baby will be so distressed bollocks. Babies only get distressed if mama does everything herself and refuses all help in case it distresses baby. Babies are resilient and if they are allowed to be looked after by dad, gps or babysitters then they very quickly adjust from a very very young age. The first time I left my eldest overnight he was 6 weeks old. He was fine I was fine. He grew up sociable, well behaved and well adjusted. And we have a great relationship as he does with his father, gps, aunts, uncles and cousins as well as his friends.

Krisskrosskiss · 04/09/2019 20:36

Of course you arent being unreasonable!! Go and have a wonderful time. Your baby is with daddy and it sounds like they could use some bonding time (time for him to realise how hard it is without help, and also to increase his confidence in being hands on) I think this will be important for you both.
It's only a week! I'd leap at the chance lol, and I love my two very much... I'd also love a week on holiday to destress!

likeafishneedsabike · 04/09/2019 21:06

Now don’t take this the wrong way, OP, as I think this might be a great idea and you need a break.
BUT if it were me I might do this a different way. I personally appreciate regular, shorter recharges rather a full week or even a full day. A couple of hours here and there to go for a haircut/go for a swim/have lunch with a friend/have a bath and read a book is way more energising to me than a solid unit of time child free. I would also be a bit concerned that DH would feel that he had DONE his bit and always bring up the week away if I mentioned the division of labour over the next decade
However, we are all different with different ways of looking after our mental health, so maybe this is what you need.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/09/2019 21:26

. Babies only get distressed if mama does everything herself

Which is exactly the OP’s situation. Her baby is not used to Dad, or anyone else being the carer.

heyduggeedude · 04/09/2019 21:44

Go and enjoy!! I did 3 nights away when my youngest was 4 months - he stayed home with his dad - because well, he's his dad.
Me and DH are away this weekend for 3 nights, youngest is 7 months and they're staying with nanny and grandad.
I'll miss them, but they'll be fine. And I'm looking forward to some uninterrupted sleep

Yellowcar18 · 04/09/2019 21:54

Take it and run. Have the break. That is an exhausting situation to be in and I totally u derstand why you need this holiday. Go and have a fantastic time, carry on working on your husband too in the mean time. Use the holiday to get him used to doing more over the next weeks and shift some of that load you are carrying.

justilou1 · 04/09/2019 22:02

Yes OP, you are being completely unreasonable!!! One week is not nearly enough!!! You should be going for at least a month to recharge your batteries after looking after three little ones with no support for so long!!!

teachermam · 04/09/2019 22:04

God no not selfish At all

Go and Njoy

Drogosnextwife · 04/09/2019 22:05

Screw them OP, go an enjoy yourself.

SandyY2K · 04/09/2019 22:06

If your DH was going away nobody would bat an eyelid.

Go on your holiday and enjoy yourself.

I went on a weekend away when DD was under 12 months and 18 months. I also went away for a week when DCs were 2 and 4 and for 2 weeks when they were 4 and 6.

DH managed...(even though he didnt
do it on a daily basis)... and he went to pick DD up from the CM when he had actually dropped her to nursery that morning...

I missed them...but I enjoyed my time without them and coming back refreshed was better for the whole family.

Don't feel guilty...you need a break.

Titsywoo · 04/09/2019 22:09

Go and relax.

Honestly some of the comments on here! Why can't her DH look after the kids and not have the house turn into chaos around him? He isn't a child. I get that 9 months is young but clearly she isn't EBF at this point and the baby will be ok with it's father. OP may not be ok if she doesn't get a break to regroup.

Duchessofealing · 04/09/2019 22:12

Go and have a fantastic time - I go without mine every year, you need a break too!

mmmcflurrys · 04/09/2019 22:16

Go and don't look back! I missed my DD At the airport and then while I was on the plane I heard this noise .... silence! And I didn't look back

Until 6 days later it was time to return to the real world

AE18 · 04/09/2019 22:32

Your FIl is probably half the reason your DH is crap with the kids!!

I thought this also. It's no wonder he doesn't help if that's how his dad reacts.

CilantroChili · 04/09/2019 23:01

Go and have a wonderful time OP

AND do it again next year!

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