Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that our sex life will improve

68 replies

Kidsrock28 · 04/09/2019 12:04

Nc for this as active on here regularly. I won’t drag it out but bf of 1year+ and I have a shit sex life . He has very low libido .he says there are medical issues but hasn’t and won’t explore . I have attempted to seduce him in so many different ways but nothing works .my drive is high . There is intimacy in cuddles and hugs and deep talks but sexually I am frustrated . Hope it’s not tmi but he doesn’t get turned on much and never first thing in the morning which I find odd ..he says he doesn’t have spontaneous erections ever .he is happy not to have sex at all . I miss it. Any Hope here? Is it ever enough to have emotionally and physical intimacy but it sexual ? Can it work? I am a frustrated 28 year old .

OP posts:
Original poster
Kidsrock28 · 04/09/2019 16:04

Thanks . I need to re read all of this. There is a lot to absorb .

OP posts:
NeatFreakMama · 04/09/2019 16:09

The main issue seems to be that he doesn't care about your happiness in the situation, he's happy with no sex so that's it. I would have thought with therapy or more conversations together you could figure out what's happening i.e. medical, sexuality or attraction. If he won't talk about it then nothing will change so I think you should leave him.

Original poster
Kidsrock28 · 04/09/2019 16:10

Ok

OP posts:
Whatsforu · 04/09/2019 16:18

Sorry but I am getting that he is gay and in denial. Time to move on unless you want a life of heartache.

DeniseRoyal · 04/09/2019 16:31

Its shame, but you are fundamentally not compatible, at all. Sex is the glue that holds couples together, it provides the connection, and enhances the love. I know couples can have sexual issues outwith their control, but your BF has no interest in intimacy, or improving your sex life. Where is this going?? How will you ever have children? I wouls walk away now OP, you are young enough to meet a good man who can fufill ALL your needs!

LellyMcKelly · 04/09/2019 16:42

My ex was like this. Turned out to be gay.

Herocomplex · 04/09/2019 16:46

Could he have been assaulted or abused?

Honeypickle · 04/09/2019 16:48

He knows why he doesn’t want sex with you. It could be because he’s gay or asexual or just doesn’t like sex very much, maybe due to his childhood or some past trauma. Whatever reason, it doesn’t really matter. He knows what it is and he doesn’t want to tell you - or any medical professional or therapist. It will NOT get better. Honestly at your age and at under a year’s relationship, I would urge you to leave him and move on. You deserve better than this. You deserve someone who truly desires you and isn’t afraid to show it. Good luck.

Herocomplex · 04/09/2019 16:49

I agree Honeypickle

steff13 · 04/09/2019 17:14

he doesn’t like womens anatomy . He didn’t say it but I know by the face gestures he makes.

This would suggest to me that he's either homosexual or asexual. Either way, I don't think you're compatible sexually. I'd break it off.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/09/2019 17:32

It doesn't really matter why he doesn't want sex, weirdly.

The fact is that he doesn't, and he doesn't see a problem with that, he's happy as things are.

So your choice is, are you? Can you live the rest of your life like this, or will you always be feeling frustrated and looking for more?

I wouldn't be able to cope with this. I could absolutely deal with it if my fiancé couldn't have sex for a while for medical reasons, or didn't feel like it, if we were working towards it together. He'd do the same for me. But a purposefully sexless relationship would destroy me.

MissConductUS · 04/09/2019 18:13

He hasn’t had a visit to his gp about this

Who tested his testosterone levels and do you know the results (it'll be a number between 200 and 700 roughly)?

TheWernethWife · 04/09/2019 18:21

In the words of my wise mother - "you are being led up the garden path" - dump him now. Is it his house or yours.

SimonJT · 04/09/2019 18:30

If you aren’t compatible it won’t work, some people get a bit funny about sex, but if it isn’t enough and satisfying for you then you do need to leave.

Personally if I had a significantly higher sex drive than my boyfriend our relationship wouldn’t work as to me a good sex life is very important in a relationship.

NotJust3SmallWords · 04/09/2019 18:36

It's only been a year so it's a fairly new relationship and it sounds as though you're not compatible on this issue.
I don't think there's anything wrong with anyone having a high or low sex drive but if you don't think there's any appetite to work on it together then maybe the best thing to do is to end it and both seek out partners who are more on the same page with regard to sex drive.
I'm sorry, it mist be really difficult, especially if he's a good partner for you in other respects.

LoveThatJazz · 04/09/2019 18:37

I agree with SimonJT - sex is such an important part of the relationship for me that I couldn't be happy with such an imbalance.

It's a really tough situation when you love and care about your partner; but only you can know if this is a sacrifice you can live with.

barryfromclareisfit · 04/09/2019 18:37

Run.

TigerCameForTea · 04/09/2019 18:43

It's really easy for us all to say end it but does he actually know how you feel? Surely it wouldn't be fair to end it without telling him this is a deal breaker for you and you cannot carry the relationship on as it is?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread