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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not an outrageous amount of time to have off sick?

56 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 04/09/2019 10:04

Colleague has had breast cancer. She has had one surgery, has a further surgery to go, all manner of admissions to hospital and a course of chemotherapy.

At work today, we were told that she is unlikely to be back until the start of next year. Most people very concerned about her, keep in touch, wish her well, lots of 'god she's going through it' chat. Except for two colleagues who are making passive aggressive 'gosh that's such a long time to be off sick, my auntie was back at work in a couple of months' etc etc., followed by 'oh but I'm sure she'd come back before then if she could'. All a bit too sarky for my liking with the odd eye roll thrown in for good measure. I'm pissed off and told them both they were out of order and now neither of them are talking to me (fine by me). Temp cover is in place for absent colleague so they're not having to pick up her work or anything.

If colleague comes back at the start of the year (which she may or may not depending on how she is), she will have been off sick for 9 months. She's been through a shit time and this has really riled me. I really don't think this is an excessive amount of time to be off given her circumstances. She's a good friend of mine so I accept that I may be a little more sensitive about her.

OP posts:
chinateapot · 04/09/2019 10:06

You are absolutely 100% right
I am currently taking a similar amount of time off sick as my 6 year old daughter is undergoing treatment for cancer. I don’t feel in a fit state to concentrate and work looking after her never mind going through it myself!

MagentaRocks · 04/09/2019 10:06

One of my staff was off for over a year for the same thing. I don't feel it was excessive. The treatment drained her. Her immunity was low and couldn't afford to pick up illnesses as this would have meant delaying chemo.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2019 10:06

It’s fuck all to do with either of them. I hope your friend is doing as well as can be expected Flowers

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/09/2019 10:08

Not outrageous at all. My exMIL has been receiving treatment (chemo, surgery and radio) Since October last year and finished her final treatment a few weeks ago. She wouldn’t be fit to return to work yet.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/09/2019 10:09

Thanks @chinateapot

GinDaddy · 04/09/2019 10:09

Some people are extraordinary, always quick to look at where they think someone else is getting a perceived advantage. It’s embarrassing - the lady didn’t ever want this or wish it on herself fgs. And worse, to cite someone else’s recovery time is the height of ignorance in my view. Everyone recovers differently.

Timtamtom · 04/09/2019 10:10

I’m so glad you stood up to them. Nasty bitches! They should count themselves lucky that they haven’t experienced the horrors of cancer and they should be more sympathetic and less judgemental. They should thank their lucky stars because it’s horrific and worse than they could possibly imagine for a lot of women. Nasty playground behaviour.

Loopytiles · 04/09/2019 10:11

V unpleasant behaviour by your colleagues.

Sooverthemill · 04/09/2019 10:11

I was off work for about the same length of time with a different cancer/ chemo. I was incredibly unwell and couldn't possibly have worked but went back probably too early as I was worried about money after sick pay stopped. When I went back I had a variety of responses from 'my SIS worked throughout chemo but probably she was worried about the children missing out' ( from head teacher , I was a teacher) which made me feel totally shit to ' oh my god you should take more time off' ( from my TA). Everyone responds differently. No one should feel forced to work during treatment or before they are ready. I actually took early retirement as I felt I simply couldn't continue teaching as it was far too full on and it took me about 2 years to get back to anything like normal. I had a blood cancer

Justgivemesomepeace · 04/09/2019 10:13

My colleague was off for a year or so when she had cancer. We're just all glad shes better. Some people are horrible.

NoBaggyPants · 04/09/2019 10:14

Wilbur please make a note of any comments made like this, and any witnesses at the time. If they continue like this when your colleague returns, they need reporting and disciplining accordingly. You could even report them now, but I'd be inclined to quietly gather evidence and let them hang themselves should it escalate.

SistersOfMerci · 04/09/2019 10:17

All cancers are not equal and neither are humans.

Thoroughly unpleasant behaviour from your colleagues. Let's hope they never become u well and need to take extended sick leave.

melodypondisasuperhero · 04/09/2019 10:22

ffs it’s cancer not a cold! Can’t believe the lack of empathy from some people. YANBU

UserFriendly14 · 04/09/2019 10:23

Argh some people are so ignorant. YANBU. Just enjoy the peace while they're not talking to you!

TheFaerieQueene · 04/09/2019 10:23

Some people are real arseholes.

BeepBeeeep · 04/09/2019 10:24

Some people are just nasty vindictive twunts.
People have different recovery rates. It's nothing to do with anyone else how long someone is off sick, or even what they're sick with.
I hope your colleague, and everyone else who has / is going through such a terrible illness makes a good recovery, however long it takes.
I would report your two nasty colleagues in writing. At least then if anything else is said further down the line, your manager will have a written record.

AJPTaylor · 04/09/2019 10:28

Unfortunately in these circumstances you always discover the true arseholes you work with.
I worked in one company where a colleague was rendered paraplegic. Several months later, a colleague arranged a collection for her to help but a specific bit of equipment. 2 colleagues stated very publicly that they were sick of hearing about her. She had worked there for at least a decade.

Timtamtom · 04/09/2019 10:42

@AJPTaylor that’s terrible!!!! So self-absorbed and nasty!!

Tonnerre · 04/09/2019 10:43

It's utterly ludicrous for them to start comparing your colleague with their auntie. No two cancers are the same, no two people will react the same way to treatment. I'd be tempted to say something about what a shame it is that we can treat cancer but we can't treat stupidity.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 04/09/2019 10:43

My mother does this. One of the customers at her shop asked to put up a poster for a fundraiser for a lady who has MS and my mother refused because "It can't be that bad because Mrs Jones has had it for longer and isn't moaning on about it. MS Lady needs to try harder.".
I would never actually wish illness on anyone, but if I was going to, it would be on people like my mother.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 04/09/2019 10:47

YANBU, your colleagues are horrible. Were I their line manager I would be Having A Word with them.

Original poster
WilburIsSomePig · 04/09/2019 10:47

Wilbur please make a note of any comments made like this, and any witnesses at the time. If they continue like this when your colleague returns, they need reporting and disciplining accordingly.

I hadn't thought of this, this is a good idea. It was the faux concern that really pissed me off. It's so unkind.

OP posts:
InterestingView · 04/09/2019 10:50

OP definitely report them what a bunch of twats! The fact they are now "not talking" to you shows what kind of childish pathetic people they are - well done for directly calling them out on it! Perhaps suggest a collection for sick colleague mandatory £20 each from the bitchy ones!!

RB68 · 04/09/2019 10:52

Having a long term illness like Cancer is a protected characteristic - they are opening themselves up to being seen as acting in a discriminatory manner

recklessruby · 04/09/2019 10:54

People amaze me. Yanbu. Why cant they have a bit of empathy?
Sorry your friend is going through such shit.
I m sure most normal people will just wish her the best.
I have noticed more and more people being unable to actually just be nice lately.
Ignore them (or report/ have a cool and icy response ready).
Who knows what they could face in the future?